*sigh*
Ok, another post. This one is like the last; not so much a rambling of thought as it is a record of today's events so far.
So, today. Today, today. Some stuff happened today. Some stuff that I'm not sure what to make of it. English teachers hate the word stuff. Seriously. Try it some time in an essay or something. Seeing as I'm not an English teacher I think I will continue to use the word stuff. So, back to my stuff.
First thing today, I couldn't wear my new skirt (I am SO glad I didn't.) because it was cold and windy. This slightly disappointed me but it gave me the opportunity to wear a different cool outfit, so I don't mind. This ends my moment of shallowness.
In the morning, before school started, I was sitting next to the nice guy person, staring off into nowhere while trying to pay attention to the conversations around me. By habit, my nowhere seems to be in the direction of the bike rack. I first saw one of my friends, whom Ive decided to call Neow in my journal. Then I saw Everpresent He shortly behind her, headed towards our table for whatever reason (most likely to get his mangas from me). I pointed this out to Nice Person Guy and suddenly he got all distant from me. It was strange, but I suppose he thinks Everpresent He will be mad at him if he sees me around him.
I gave Everpresent He his mangas and got up to hug him. Again, I am aware I shouldn't, but I can't help myself. I was wearing my big leather trench coat and he said "Be careful not to let them (the school monitors) take that away from you." Then that developed into a conversation about defying the dress code. After that I sat down and leaned against Nice Person Guy and he made a noise like "AHH! What are you doing!?" and so I responded with a noise meaning "What's it look like Im doing?". Suddenly Everpresent He got very quiet and I continued talking to Neow. He said "Bye" all quiet and irritated like, then left. Despite his sudden change in attitude, seeing him that morning made me a little happy.
Then, in between two of my classes where He and I used to meet, I was sitting at a table in the hallway, trying not to look out the windowed wall because I knew Id see him. Well, as luck would have it, I didn't see him untill I went to pick up my coat. Then I caught a glance of him and had to look up to see him. It seemed like he had looked over into the window. After that class I stood outside waiting for Neow, who comes in the soame direction as Everpresent He. He passed by just as I stepped out to look for Neow and it was almost like he was about to stop and say hi. Neow never came by, it was strange. I know this whole paragraph was mostly just my imagination being way too hopeful, but hope is all I have right now. Hope and friends.
At lunch I caught sight of him and my old friend together again, this time with their arms around eachother's waist. I couldn't stand it any longer. I had to talk to him, not just my old friend, about what I thought was going on. So I did. He seemed irritated to have me interrupting him, and I said so out loud. He didn't say anything. I asked him if he was trying to get my friend to go out with him. He shookhis head no. For a second I felt better. At some point my hands had reached up and grabbed his coat without my noticing. I didn't realize I was tugging on his jacket untill I had just about finished asking him what I had to ask. I asked him to promise me he wouldn't go out with her, because seeing him with a friend of mine would kill me. He hesitated and I didn't like his response. He said "It's probably never going to happen anyway." It makes it sound like he lied to me.
I really am tired of writing about him. It's like my whole world revolves aorund him or something. I hate it. I want to be myself again.
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My brain makes words.
If I need to talk but have no one to talk to or I feel I need to write through my problems, it goes here. I do not use names. If I do, it's because I either have no respect for the person, or I accidentally slipped.
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