Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I feel stupid, writing in a diary. That's for girls! Oh well... It's Friday evening and it's cold in the house. Sara is helping some of the children like a real mother and I'm a little jealous of her. She's worried. Everyone is worried. We have to leave the house soon. Where do we have to go then?
Still, I'm happy. We're like one big family and as long as we're together I'm happy.

How can you be happy in a situation like that? Mikael hated his diary, but he always wrote in it. He and Sara were streetchildren. They lived in an old house just outside Alkmaar, but they had to leave the house. Still, Mikael was always happy.

What is happiness? Happiness is feeling good and you're not worrying about things. Mikael and Sara were in a difficult situation, but they were happy.

11 Januari 2003. It's winter, but there's no snow. Some of the children are adopted but 4 of us are left. Mikael is very sick. An ambulance is on it's way, and I believe everything will be okay. He's been writing in his diary for the whole week, and I wonder what he writes in it. The ambulance is here... Mikael really doesn't want to leave, but he has to get better.

When I talked to Sara that day, she said that everything would be fine. She didn't worry and she wasn't afraid. I still wonder how she could do that. Why wasn't she worried?

Neither was Mikael. He wasn't afraid of dying. He didn't want to leave the others, but he wasn't afraid.

12 Januari 2003. Mikael didn't get better, but worser. I'm starting to get worried. They say he won't make it. The other children are also adopted. And maybe I'm also going to be adopted. It's so sad. Everyone got better lifes, exept for Mikael. I shouldn't worry. I should be strong.

Mikael died. Damn! He asked me if I would be fine and when I said yes, he died! Why didn't I say no? Why did he have to die? Still I know he's okay. Why didn't I tell him about me being adopted? He would have been so happy...

I was at the funeral two days later. Sara's adoption parents paid for everything. And Sara looked really happy. It made me realize that no matter in what situation you are, you can be happy as long as you believe everything will be fine. We humans always want more. We want the best, because without it we can't be happy. But that''s not true. Mikael and Sara never had the best stuff, and they were happy. Because they had friends who cared about them. They always believed everything would be fine, no matter what.

Then why are we so selfish? Because we grew up with the best things. At school people say you're cool when you have the newest cellphone, or the best yu-gi-oh cards. At work people say you're cool when you have the best car or something. We were taught that without the best we aren't cool. But happiness doesn't come with the best stuff. You can decide for yourself when you're happy. Without expensive cool gadjets.


(( The diary pieces are used with permission, no changes are made during the translation.))