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I'm going through a lot of pain right now... all over the place. Physical, mental, emotional... today didn't help at all.

I wanna cry but I can't. I wanna scream but I won't. I wanna beat someone to the ground but it's wrong. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it...

My chest hurts a lot.. I was drinking a lot of coke to cope with Jason being near me which screwed me up. Woopdedoo....

My toe hurts, again, because I stubbed it... Guess what on? MY ******** SHOE!

I'm depressed over my dad. I rather not explain for the world to see.

I'm pissed at s**t that happened.. Once again, not explaining for the world to see.

Mentioning putting over 70 pins into my palm to Jason made me wanna do it all over again but I know it's not good for my skin.

My arm still aches.

My hand still kinda hurts.

I'm still sunburnt.

So much coke made me feel real sick but I'm dealing with it.

Sad as it sounds, I didn't get to see Hanz as much as I wanted to... which is why I wanted a house to blow up and wanted to kick a few "nameless" guys in the nuts.... Then stab their nuts.. Imma keep my demented thoughts in my head. It made me happy picturing it but only for a short while.

And I'd really appreciate if people would tell me what's wrong with me TO MY FACE. ******** pansy a** bastards. If you have a ******** problem with me, come to me. Mother ********.

Go to hell.

Toodles.

What a pointless Journal.

I know.

SPIRIT UPDATE-

I was just going into the bathroom, turned on the light. First, it was bright, like normal, then suddenly dimmed out of nowhere. I turned on some other lights just in case it burned out or something.

So, I was going to the bathroom but had my hands over my eyes cause I thought I would start crying. I could sense the spirit by the door just kinda watching me.. I glanced over at him then returned to having my hands over my eyes. All I said was, "I just want to be left alone..." then looked up and RIGHT THEN the lights went back to normal and he had left the room.

b***h UPDATE-

I kinda, very small, feel bad for being a b***h to Hanz just now on the phone but I'm ticked so.. I'll care LATER.

~Why is it when I'm having a bad day~
~Somethin always goes more wrong~
~Once somethin good happens to make me smile~
~It goes away before too long~
~I hate you~
~I hate you~
~but I love you in so many ways~
~I hate you~
~I hate you~
~but I've got nothin to say~
~Happiness is just a tease to me~
~It appears for a bit then goes and leaves~
~It makes the smile appear upon my face then leaves without a trace~
~Iiii'm just not allowed to be happy~
~Iiii'm just not allowed to smile~
~because you're always bringing me down~
~Iiii'm forbidden from that lust~
~Iiii'm forbidden from that touch~
~because you don't want me around~
~Why can't I leave my darkened hole~
~That deep, dark, well of pitch black~
~The hole that Pain and Misery had pushed me in~
~To meet with Sorrow and never come back~
~I love you~
~I love you~
~even though you could care less~
~I love you~
~I love you~
~through all of this horrid mess~
~As hopeless as this may all seem~
~I had looked up with Sorrow for a better hope~
~Waiting for so long for Laughter to save my soul~
~With Anger unpleased and Sorrow unable to cope~
~No one's there~
~No one's there~
~I realized helplessly with Agony and Sorrow~
~I'm all alone~
~It's not meant to be~
~With Hope waiting on a better tomorrow~
~Happiness, that ******** tease~
~Who had given me false Hope~
~******** tease, that horrid tease~
~Who felt my whole life and being was a joke~
~You pushed me here~
~You wanted me here~
~why did you plot with them against me?~
~I hate you~
~I love you~
~Happiness, Pain, and Misery helped you introduce me to Insanity~
~Pain had taken the knife and stabbed it through my heart~
~Tearing apart me and Love just for Misery to do me in~
~Where Happiness and you had come in to finish it off~
~Lingering before me with smiles hiding the sinister grin~
~I want to cry~
~I wish I could~
~after all the things I went through~
~You hurt me, why?~
~You're the reason why..~
~That I have to put Trust back together with glue~
~Happiness holding out its hand to pick up the left over pieces~
~You had been standing beside Pain and Misery with open arms~
~I stood up instantly for all of the Agony to disappear~
~But you and Happiness pushed me into more harm~
~I'm falling in darkness~
~It never ever ends~
~you pushed me in with Agony and Despair~
~Engulfed in forever~
~Soon to hit the tears of Sorrow~
~Who you pushed with Anger soon after~
~I'm stuck in darkness with Agony, Despair, Sorrow, and Anger~
~Watching as you and Happiness laughed at us all~
~Agony, Despair, and Sorrow becoming one within me~
~The well filling with the tears as Anger watched the afterfall~
~Clawing at the wall~
~I wanted to laugh too~
~but I'm not welcomed in the land of Sunshine~
~Pleaing for dear Sanity~
~Begging for Happiness~
~the tease that had made me decline~
~My cries were ignored as Anger stayed by the farthest wall~
~I hit my head while Agony's blood had flowed~
~Screaming up for Sincere and Concern only to be ignored~
~As Anger spoke of obscenities that had echoed in my head~
~Die... Die... Die..~
~Die... Die... Die..~
~you, Misery, Happiness, and Pain~
~Slit your throat~
~Get rid of the problem~
~Anger insisted as Sorrow kept me strained~
~I had began to picture it all happening perfectly in my head~
~Hurting you as much as you had hurt my very Soul~
~Your blood dripping all over the floor as Pain just lingered by while Misery stood by Pain's side and Happiness ran away~
~Just picturing it at all made me feel slightly whole~
~Then Revenge came into the picture~

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