Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

*Yawn* Well, looks like I've got some time to kill, and Kana's nagging at me to make another entry, so I'll get down to it.

...

In a few minutes.

Heh. Anyways, I've been doing good, I suppose. My monthly Journal Entry has turned into an annual one. But anyways, here we go. Like I said, I've been doing good. Been uber busy lately. Work and whatnot. It's tiring, but at least I make a decent pay check, I guess. Been working at Subway for a little over 6 months now. I'm actually getting ready for a promotion. All I need now is for a spot to open up, and I become a Supervisor. Level Up! xD

Heh. Anyways, other topics... My car is falling apart. SOO many problems with it, that I'm really just wanting to buy a new one. Let me get a list here: Aside from all the obvious problems like the appearance, the:
-doors don't open
-windows don't work
-radio was stolen
-starter is going bad
-battery needs to be disconnected every night

Sheesh. It's amazing the thing even starts at all, let alone drives. I needs a new car. : (

Oh, but good news. My mon and Claude are getting married soon. I think sometime in July. It's going to be down in L.A., but should be fun. :] It's their wedding/going away party, because they're moving out to Oklahoma. But don't worry, I'm not moving with them, I'm staying right here in my little town of Hanford.
Just means I gotta find my own place to live, and soon... I've got plans though.

Ermm... Well it's closer to work time than I thought. I'll be sure to make a more extensive entry next time. Laters!

*Yawn* Gaia ate my last Journal Entry, so I was like "Eff that. confused ".

Alrighty, well since last time, stuff's changed so this one might be kinda long, but I wanna get everything in that I can. *Breathes in deeply* Alright, here goes:

Lately I've been really kinda bored. This ties in why I've been mad at myself, though silly me kinda made it look like I was mad at other people. Recently, I don't know what happened, but things have turned for the worst. It's been quite some time since I've had a job, and I've really been chewing through my money. It's not my fault, and it's not like I've been buying things left and right, it's the small things here and there. I spent quite some money trying to fix my car (Needed new tires, and a new radiator), but that, on top of buying my own meals nowadays (Because my family hasn't gone food shopping in about half-a-year), and Gas from going back and forth. It's all been stressful, and without a steady income, I've just been losing money left and right... sweatdrop

Which really sucks, because there's been times I've snapped at other people for my own faults. Like a few times Aida-01 and I were joking around, and he's made fun of me for not having a job. I really got mad, because my own mother and family has been harassing me, occasionally threatening me of kicking me out, or moving away. And either one is bad, because I really couldn't afford my own place, not for a single month. neutral It's just so annoying when I'm getting s**t from all sides, you know? It really sucks. There's actually so many issues I've got right now, this whole Journal Entry is probably going to be out of order.

But, the money problems hurt in more than one way. Because in approx. 1 week from now, I need to move to Fresno. It's just not possible. I don't even have a place to move into, let alone the money to support it. I've been asking around lately to anyone I can if they wouldn't mind being a roommate with me. I've gotten a "maybe" from two of them, and even they're not sure about it. sweatdrop My friend, Roi-chan, already lives in Fresno. She's going to the Dorms there, and I was talking to her about it. She said she's always wanted to live in her appartment, so I asked if she could help me out, and we'd split the rent. She get's the apartment she wanted, and I finally get out of my house, and go to school. Only problem with her is, she's already paid a full semester of Dorm rent or whatever, and can't take it back halfway through. So I don't even know what to do. sweatdrop It seems all my friends are stuck going to West Hills, so none of them can really help me out. sad

I'm just really frustrated. Because I've tried all my life to be the good guy, the one who works hard, and actually succeeds. And it seems like a dozen other people who barely graduated High School at all has an easier life than I do. It really doesn't make sense. I worked hard doing the grueling school work, and now I'm trying to keep up with College like I thought I was supposed to, and I'm really not sure how I'll be able to continue it at all. I guess I could take a break, but that's just buying me some time, it doesn't solve anything.

And of course, I can't ask my mom for help, because asking her for anything is like pulling teeth. It's really annoying, because I can't even ask for dinner without getting a huge guilt trip. I asked her earlier tonight, and explained that there's nothing in the kitchen to eat. She said she didn't have dinner, and doesn't know what I'm going to do about it. I shrugged it off, and walked away. About 10 minutes later, she walked into my room, says the 2-day-old chicken and rice was still good, and kinda slammed my door. I guess asking for food makes her mad. Well, I checked the chicken, and it was really disgusting. It was all soft, and fatty. There were really only a small few strips of actual meat, and the rest 9/10ths of it was just fat. All, disgusting fat. I couldn't finish it, and had to throw it out. I didn't even look at the rice. So, tonight, I had buttered toast for dinner. But one of the things I hate is, I bet Aida will still make fun of me for not having anything to eat, just because he usually does have food at his house.

Well, that's most of it. There is one important thing I think I've realized about myself: I'm pretty sure I'm bipolar. I mean, it'd make sense. People always said I had anger-management issues when I was younger, because I could go from being happy to incredibly mad instantly. That's not anger-issues, it's mood-swings, which is a very common symptom of being bipolar. And when I say this, I just wanna say how much I hate it. Because I'm always the bad guy when something happens. When someone says something I don't like, I go crazy. I can't help it, it's like someone being allergic to bee stings. It's not their fault, it's how they are. Well, it's the same with me. It doesn't happen all the time, but occasionally a friend will say or do something in just the wrong way, and I go off. I get mad, I curse, I throw a big tantrum, and it makes me look like an idiot, and makes them hate me. I just hate it so much.

I just don't know. It's hard to do anything, because I'm so lost. Right now, it's not like living, it's like I'm just existing... I mean, I can't go to College just yet, until I get a job. And I can't get a job here, because I'll be moving soon to go to College. And I can't move until I get a Job in Fresno. And I can't go to Fresno (For College), until I get a job to pay for it. It's a giant, crazy maze. One that's hard to finish, and getting harder by the moment. It's actually gotten so bad, eventually I wont even be able to drive my car anymore. Either it'll actually brake down beyond repair, or I'll need to replace the Tags. And, you can't do that unless I get insurance, which as we all know, costs money. I'm just so mad at myself, because I know it's mostly my fault. But now that I'm stuck in this hole, I don't even know how to get out...

I'm hungry again. Apparently a few pieces of toast isn't a big dinner. Who'd've guessed? neutral Well, I'm going to go look through my empty cabinets anyways, so I gotta get going. If you've got any solutions, feel free to let me know. I'm grasping at straws now, and I'm so desperate, it's really just sad now. Umm... I don't know when I'll have the time/enthusiasm to write another mile-long Journal Entry, but seeing as it's actually in high demand (Thank you, Kana), I'll try to keep up with it.

Well, all that aside, there is one thing coming up soon: Halloween. I haven't the SLIGHTEST idea what to be or do for Halloween. I really, REALLY don't wanna let it go by without doing anything. I think to keep my sanity, I NEED to do something. Last year was fun, Trick-or-Treating with Kana and her younger brother. I'd be ok with doing that agian this year, but I'd still want the little kids as cover. You'd be surprised at how many people don't give any candy if they know how old I am. I'd be cool with either that, or having a Halloween Party at Aida's house. We never really have parties, more like get-togethers, but they're still really fun. It's the only times we actually all get to see each other at the same time. But I don't think Aida's up for it, so I'll have to nag him until his is. Hopefully he agrees, or this year might suck, and I'll be stuck home with nothing to do. sad ...Well, that's just about it.

Oh, PS: If you know who Kana's new boyfriend is, let me know. I think I know, but she's keeping it a secret, so I shouldn't tell. ninja sweatdrop

Until another time.

~Oni

...And yet I hate it. I hate it so much. I hate everything that's happening, because it seems like everything that can go wrong, is. Well, it's been a while since I did a journal update, so I might as well clue all two readers in (And that's partly because you've seen my journal entries. They're a good half-hour long typing session).

Well, Claude got out of Prison, and is living with us. He's a bit hyper, but he's really a good guy. He goes so far out of his way to make us happy, it's really kind of surprising. I don't know if I've ever had anyone treat us this well. Unfortunately, he doesn't make as much money as he'd like to, so it's not like we're anywhere close to rich, but he tries. And at least we're not in the red for money anymore.

But anyways, more recently, my good friend Jeffrey passed away. Now, if you've seen my signature (Which is the most likely way you clicked the link to get here), then you probably know this already. Not many people here on Gaia knew him, but Jeffrey was one of my best friends. It was a major shock to us when it happened, and I wont lie, I cried. A lot. Out of 7 periods of school each day, I had him in 3 classes. That's a little less than half. Now, if you count in the time I saw him before school, Break, Lunch, After School, and even various times I spent most of the day at his house or with his family, that's a long time. Aside from his family, I think I saw Jeffrey the most, out of anyone else. Slowly, over time, I've come to grips with the situation, but it's still really hard. I'm doing my best to not let it show, or to not let it affect my daily life, which I know I'm horrible at. I've always been an emotional person.

As if that weren't bad enough, everything else piles up ontop of it. Alright, as I said before, it's my birthday. Not today, but two days from now. In a mere two days from now, I will be 18 years old. Apparently that's a major change, so I tried to appreciate that fact. But I guess the rest of the world doesn't care. I actually just got done with a major arguement with my mom over my birthday. I wanted to go to a place called John's Incredible Pizza in a town a few minutes away from here. John's Incredible Pizza is a cool place to go to, and I haven't been there since my 17th Birthday Party. It's got an all-you-can-eat Pizza bar, with just about every flavor out there, including the weird ones. If I remember right, they've got everything from Pepperoni and Hawaii'an style, to extra Banana and peanut butter flavor. So I ask her if I can do it again, and she says sure. She even says yes to me inviting four friends, which was reasonable. So I start making plans, and the next day, she asks who I'm inviting. I tell her "Alexander, Kana, Demonic, and my girlfriend". Now, if you've read any of my previous Journal Entries, you'll know what happened between Kana and I. I've gotten over it, but apparently my mom hasn't. She still hates Kana, which I think us unreasonable. But whatever. She tells me that not only does she refuse to pay Kana's entrance (which is about 20 dollars, from what I remember), but she will only allow me to take two friends with me.

Me, being outraged that she just personally attacked a friend of mine like this, was not happy. She made me go to school the next day, and I had to tell a good friend of mine that she couldn't go, because my mom still hates her. It seems like no one realizes how hard that was for me. A few months after Kana and I broke up, I was deeply mad at her for how it happened. But during that time, I saw how my anger affected her, and I realized that it wasn't completely her fault, I was to blame as well. And since then, I've done all I can to be her friend, because despite what had happened, she really was a good person. But my mom doesn't see it that way. It's really kind of rediculous. Not only did she refuse to pay Kana's way in, she said I could only invite two friends, not four. If any others wanted to go, they'd have to pay their own way in.

And before I continue, I want to say sorry to Kana about that. I can't control how my mom feels about her, and part of me respects her feelings. She's mad at someone who hurt her son. I understand that, but I don't care if she hates Kana, I don't anymore. And for that matter, she should still hate Alexander for what he did, but that doesn't surface much anymore. I just want it all to be done and over with, not dragged up every time I say Kana's or Alexander's name. So I'm even going so far as to pay Kana's way in. It's not right that my friends should pay to visit me at my birthday party. I hate that idea so incredibly much. It's so rediculous...

And it's actually gotten to the point that I really don't want to have a party anymore. Not only is my mom refusing to pay for half of my friends, she decided to invite my younger brother and his friends as well. It's getting outrageous. So, for the past few days, I made sure my mom knew I was mad at her. She just came in my room a while ago, and asked me what my problem was. After explaining it to her, she gives me a bunch of bullshit reasons, then just leaves. I don't even know if it'll change anything. But if it doesn't, then I just wont have a birthday party. I can't stand the idea of my friends missing out on a fun time because my mom's being stubborn. I just can't stand it. And if my actions will cause my friends to be unhappy, then screw it. I don't need a birthday party. I'm not sure if anyone would do that for me, but I really appreciate my friends, and their friendship with me has helped me more than anyone would ever have known. I highly doubt I'd even be here if it weren't for them, I'd have killed myself a long time ago. So no, I wont go through with this. If my mom doesn't care, then whatever. I mean, I'm only turning 18. It's not like it's a big deal or anything.

And as if that weren't bad enough, other things are turning from bad to worse. I'm not sure all reader's here know, but I created a Yu-gi-oh! Team called G. E. D. (Which stands for Gaia's Elite Duelists), and since then, I've been the leader and proud member of the WORLDS largest Yu-gi-oh team. I'm serious, because our members are spread out all-throughout the world, we cover all major countries, making us the most wide-spread team out there. That's a major honor in itself, but an even better honor is just being a part of this team. But recently, it's been falling apart. One, a good portion of the members have actually become tired of the game (And I being one of them), and somewhat lost interest. But two, our attitude torwards other members has gotten out of hand. Some very good friends of mine on this team have gotten a bit egotistical about this game, and seem to be insulting anyone and everyone who doesn't know a lot about this game. And it's gotten very bad recently, so bad that I had to step in a few times, and stop things from getting worse. Even moreso, that this team seems to be splitting into two factions: Those who do the insulting, and those who are tired of it. And I feel that my actions could very well make-or-break this team. This team, and all it's members have been close friends of mine, and disbanning this team for stupid reasons like that would be devistating. I enjoy being able to talk about complicated Yu-gi-oh strategies, and have others understand it without much explination, because chances are, they came up with something similar. It's fun. But when I have members PMing me, asking why they were banned shortly after being accepted into the new guild, it concerns me. We'll never grow if we cut all the newer players out. They're not as experienced, but that wasn't my goal. I wanted a well rounded team, some members who are the best of their country, and maybe some who are happy being the best of their town, or even of their household. Things have gotten so bad, infact, that I've seriously contemplated giving up my position as the Leader, and either letting someone else take over, or just get rid of the team altogether. And that really hurts to say, too.

So, add that to the previous list of my lame complaints, such as getting nagged at getting a job, going to college, getting scholarships, completing High School, hang out with friends, and helping my grandma move, I feel like I'm being stretched pretty thin here. And I do want to apologize to anyone I might have offended recently, or might do so in the future. I'm doing my best to keep my emotions separate from my judgement, and handle all my problems individually, but you have to understand, I'm only human... So if I insult you, please don't take it personally. I'm just going through a really rough time. To be honest, some have said that I just need to hang tough, and get through it. But I don't see an end in sight. God... I miss Jeffrey so much. He usually helped me through this, by either getting my mind off things, or almost slapping me, and telling me to get over myself (But that almost got a slap back at him. That's not what I need to hear right now, so please don't going around trying to slap me, it wont help).

Well, there's the most recent update on my life. I still don't know why so many of my friends are interested in my stupid little problems, you're probably just laughing at me. But I do appreciate the sympathy all the same. So, until a later time...

I'm so tired of it all. I just got into another fight with my mom.

She's complaining to me about the lamest crap, and it's gotten to me. I mean, she's put the guilt trip on so much, that she's actually made us feel bad because she doesn't have a remote to her damn TV. After we moved out of Brandan's house, she let him have the TV remote. We told her to keep it, but she said no. And now she's bitching to me about it.

When I say we're now dirt poor, it's not an exaggeration. Each month, after paying bills, my mom has exactly 17 dollars to her name. We just can't do this anymore. I HATED asking for money from my friends, because she didn't have lunch money for us. I HATED not being able to get my class ring, because she doesn't have the money to get it. I asked for one during my Freshman Year, but she didn't have faith in me to complete High School.

Do you know how much that hurt? To know that your own mother, the one who's supposed to love you and support you when everyone else doesn't? When she doesn't even have faith in you? The whole reason she didn't get the ring for me when she had the money was because she was afraid I would be held back. Me, the one who's never failed any year, never been held back, and was even offered to be advanced once. She didn't have faith in me. But now that we DON'T have the money, now I want the ring. This is my last year in High School, and she promised me the ring.

But what's worse is she's also looming our Cell Phone's over my shoulder. Today, she told us for about the fifth time I'm going to lose my cell phone. What pisses me off is my Cell Phone was my 17th Birthday gift. One that I practically had to pay for myself. She promised it would be free. I've already payed 60 dollars on it. She promised I'd never have to worry about it. I'm going to lose it within the week. And thanks to her not reading the contract properly, it will now take over 1,000 dollars to pay of our debt and get the phones shut off. I told her, I TOLD her that if she ever were to get a Cell Phone, MAKE SURE I'M THERE. I know what to look for, for the most part. But she didn't, and now look what happened.

And what's worse is she's bitching at me to get a Job. I'm doing what I can just to get by and be myself. Finishing High School while planning to get into College is hard enough. But on top of that, I need a Job too. Because she failed as a mother, and cannot provide for her family. So much so that she now depends on me, but apparently I'm such a ******** screw up, I can't do it. I'm not smart enough to be able to balance High School, homework, getting into college, getting scholarships, getting a job, and still trying to keep up with friends. I'm a ******** idiot, who can't do anything.

What the Hell's up with me now? :XP: It's just so wrong. A Journal Entry, that's NOT depressed?! surprised I didn't know it were possible!

Yep, you heard it. A mostly good Journal Entry. Now, I know there's millions of people rejoicing now. So go ahead, it was bound to happen.

Now on to business. As for recent news, yes I did get a new girlfriend. And I like her very, very much. mrgreen We've been getting along with each other very well, and we've been going out for almost two months now. 3nodding

Though, recently, I've been having a problem. Well, more my family has been having a problem. Unfortunately, with Claude being arrested, we've really been having money issues. And because of this, I'm loosing my Cell Phone, and my mom even has to take up a second job. sweatdrop

Oh, and on top of that, my internet's down. Poor Bob. But yeah, now I'm stuck with limited access until I can get a new router (With our money problems, I'll have to buy it myself.)

Not to mention I'm now in a fued with an old aquantiance of mine. Some of you may know him, he goes by the name Nick Toth. Apparently there's an inner war going on amongst my group of friends, and more and more often I find myself agaisnt Nick. Normally, I'd try to stay neutral, but he just makes it SO EASY to hate him. sweatdrop Complaining about my "American Attitude", saying how his Canadian "race" is better than everyone else, and so on. It's just so easy to stay mad at him.

But other than that whole thing, my life's been going fairly good. 3nodding Thanks for reading, and with any luck, my next one wont be almost two months away. Until next time...

~Lord Oni-mushu

"It's over". Those were the words I heard. Earlier tonight, at around 9:30, Christina broke up with me.

She stated that we're just too different from one another. I attach to the one's I like, and she can't attach to anyone. Not to mention my life's full of greif and drama, and apparently she doesn't like to handle it. So, when the going get's tough, Christina get's going.

She's also moving away, to another state. She said it wasn't because of me, but I somehow think that's a lie. And she also doesn't trust me anymore, even though it was HER breaking up with ME. But either way, it's over. this relationship lasted roughly over six months.

But anyway, it's 3 AM, and I have to help my Evicted Grandmother move her stuff in one day, starting at 7 AM. And the sad thing is, that is not a joke nor an exaggeration. Thanks for the time in reading this, irregardless of how short it is.

Goodbye.

Well, I know no one knows about it, but I totally screwed up with Soragirl, my girlfriend. I don't even know why, but I completely screwed things up with her. I did something I shouldn't have done (And it's nothing sexual, you perverts). Anyways, it was a major mistake, and I think she hates me for it now.

I talked it over with some friends, and damn I'm glad I did. Because I was really blowing this out of proportion in my mind, and a few chats helped calm me down. Thanks to those who helped, it really did a lot of good. 3nodding

But anyway, the reason I feel so odd. After my major mistake, I know I have to do something to make up for it. I don't think it'll help me feel any better for what I've done, but I just need to do something for her, Soragirl. She deserves at least that much.

So I went out and prepared a bunch of things for a surprise for her. And now I feel so weird about it. It's nervousness. You know, when you go all out for a gift for someone, and all you can do is hope they like it? That's how I feel. I want so much for her to be happy again, it really made me sick to my stomach to see her so upset.

But what's worse is she is moving away. Her family's moving to Nevada, and she might have been able to stay with her Aunt and Uncle who live down the street from me. But, thanks to my idiotic mistake, she's decided to move away with her family. I still hate myself for making her do that. She says some distance between us will strengthen our relationship, but I don't think so. But it doesn't matter now, nothing I say will make it change. She's already told her family of her decision, so there's no way of changing it now... I just wish I could do something, but I can't.

Gah, this sucks. I'm more or less prepared for her moving away. We'll still be together, but just can't see each other all the time. I hate it though, because we'll probably get to see each other once a month, if that. Her family's promised that we'd get to see each other a lot, but I know it's a lie. I'll just be ignored, I know it. And talking with Christina, she's admitted to it. We both know her family wont want to pay a train ticket every month.

But I've got high hopes for this surprise. I wont get to spend the whole day with her, just a few hours. But I hope that does the trick, just something to help her be in a better mood. I really screwed up this time, and I know no matter what I do, it'll never go away. But hopefully I can atleast brighten her mood, something, anything to help her feel better. I love her too much to see her so depressed. God I'm going to miss her so much.

I'm such a ******** screw up, I don't deserve her.

What the hell is wrong with me?! It seems everything in my life has been a downward spiral. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I'm so tired of it all, of life, of everything.

Just to fill you in, two major problems going on right now: I got a new dog recently, about two months ago. His name's Chomper (Accurately names, he chews up EVERYTHING), and he's a black Scottish Terrier. He's a small, constantly playful little ball of fur. But we've recently learned he's got Parvo. His stomach lining is desintegrating. The poor guy's not even half a year old, and he's already dying...

We took him to the vet, and got some medicine to take care of it. But apparently it was already in a bad condition when we got there, so his chances of surviving are only 40%. We're giving him medicine now, but he's vomiting it back up, I'm not sure if he'll even hold it down. Not to mention he doesn't eat or drink ANYTHING, so he'll sooner die of dehydration.

But not only that, but it get's worse. Soragirl, my girlfriend, I learned is moving away. She's moving out of state. We live in Central California, and she's moving to Nevada. There's talk about her being able to stay here with her aunt, who lives down the street, but I don't know if it'll work. I'm hoping and praying it will. Because I seriously think I love her. More than life itself (Not saying much right now, but that meant something at one time).

Not to mention the fact that my stomach is hurting again. Just like it did after the Appendix surgery. I really think I pulled something, because it really hurts sometimes. But there's nothing I can do about it.

But anyway, the main reason I'm here. I completely ******** up. Soragirl and I were talking on AIM (AOL Instant Messenger). I tell her all about what I'm going through, and she usually helps me out. Just like whenever she's feeling down, I help her. But I guess I did it one to many times, and she got mad at me for it. She refused to talk to me until I was happy. I told her that I'd do anything for her, and I was tired of being depressed anyway. She said no until she got some proof. I explained to her how I was going to cheer myself up, and she just logged off.

...Now, I'm at the point of crying. My dog is going to DIE, the girl I LOVE is moving away, and I just pissed her off. I couldn't possibly feel lower than I do right now. I feel so alone in the world. I've hardly got a family, my dogs going to die, and now Soragirl's mad at me, and moving away. I don't even know what's going on in my life anymore.

Now, normally, I'd go through a little depression streak, feel down, and generally get on with life. But this time feels different. I haven't told anyone about it, but I've been having alot of thoughts on suicide. At this point, I still hate myself for thinking it, but it seriously sounds tempting. I've got no friends, no family, and soon no girlfriend. I'm just not meant to be happy. It could be why my relationships never last, the girl could never put up with me.

It's all so rediculous. I meant it when I said I was tired of being depressed. Sora said she's trying to push me by ignoring me, but she has no idea it's pushing in the wrong direction. Alex doesn't even know what's going on half the time, and that's because it's so hard to talk to him lately. I can't do it at school, he never answers any of the three phones he has, rarely calls me back, and is at Kathryns house all the time. I can't talk to anyone else about it, just because everyone thinks bad of me.

I just feel like such a loser right now. I want to be happy, but I've got no modivation. I hate being so down, but it's all I've got right now. It's like trying to walk with no legs, you just can't. I asked for help, but got a closed door in return. If I talk to my mom about it, she'll put me in therapy, which I REALLY don't want. I've got nothing against Therapists, or those who see them. If it helps, I support it. But it's not something I want to do.

I just wish someone would be willing to help me. Anyone who wouldn't refuse to talk to me because of my depression. I can't help it, with a life like this, I'm prone to it. If Soragirl would help me just once more, I'd probably be able to make it out of this slump. But I don't know if she's even talking to me. I've felt closer to her than any other girlfriend, or any other person in my entire life. And to have her just ignore me like this... It hurts, it really does.

Well, it's 1:30 in the morning. I hope today's fun. Alex is supposed to throw some sort of pool party. I don't even know if he really is or not, I can't get ahold of him (Go figure). I sure hope today's good. But now I've gotta go, sleep and such. So excuse me while I crawl under a rock and die. Five bucks says no one'll miss me.

EDIT: Scratch that last comment. Tonight I make a vow. I will go to sleep now, depressed and suicidal. And wake up completely opposite. I'm making a promise to myself, and I swear upon it. No more depressed thoughts, no more Journal entries, no more sadness. I'm getting rid of it all, and actually trying to be happy. If you want to help, send me a message, talk to me or something. It helps more than you know.