|
|
|
Im haunted in my dreams I just cant get away.... I don't want to sleep any more, its all my mistakes, my betrayal thats the only thing my dreams bring. and I want it to go away....
Warcraft is the only thing that is keeping me happy, along with Soph, Shev, Mori, moon, chris and sacha. Even then every priest, every blood elf is a reminder.
I have lost a part of me, I lost someone I looked up to, a brother.
Even now, i am an onlooker to some serious drama in my guild... if the guild dies.... where will I go? I cant play my priest... or my huntard. Only my mage is coming along very well.
..... Maybe the Naruu will help this silly Draenei.
Crushed Dreams · Fri Oct 26, 2007 @ 02:31pm · 1 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
The more I live the more it seems I want to die. My life just seems to be an endless circle of despair, unhappiness and quite simply Crushed Dreams.
I've been playing World of Warcraft, it takes my mind off of life. Its a place, similar to what gaia used to be. A place where I dont feel I stand out. Sadly, life seems to make me remember just how shitty my life is.
For this past week, I have seriously considered swollowing an entire bottle of sleeping pills and vodka. I would stop breathing, and leave this horrible world. Last night, I tried to say my final goodbye to the one person I cared about. I worried that he would do something stupid, or think that I left him.
He talked to me about how he was feeling, and I decided to postpone again. I've stopped cutting. I dont want to feel anything anymore. I dont want to feel pain, or guilt or jealousy...... not happiness or even joy.
I dont want to exist.
The only thing that can make me smile is that one night wish josh and the mdma. We were putting up the curtain and well something was a little exposed wink
It makes me laugh thinking about it... but only for a short time before the tears return.
Crushed Dreams · Sun Jun 17, 2007 @ 12:42pm · 4 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
start with one for a miserable life take another two for the broken hearts a shot of vodka to fight the tears another shot to calm my fears two pills are earned for the jobs ive lost failing out of university deserves two more four represent the times I planned to die six for those who said goodbye one for the failure I know I am one for luck
Crushed Dreams · Wed Jun 13, 2007 @ 12:03pm · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
No job at either of the places. Bodymods called, he said he liked me, but went with someone with more management experience.
Canterbury didnt call, so I called them, left a message and they never called back. *sigh* Oh well, atleast I get my birthday off probably xd Wooo... I guess..... stare
Crushed Dreams · Thu May 10, 2007 @ 11:14pm · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
First things first, new profile to check out! Second... OMGYAY. I want this job!!
I had another job interview today! It was at Canterbury Coffee, it seems like a great place to work. I was so happy when I got there. Sure, at first I wasnt all that impressed, and wasnt even sure if it was for me. I got a call at 9:30am which woke me up and she asked me to come in for noon because she really wanted to meet me!. So I drug my a** out of bed and ran around like a crazy woman. Everyone there was so friendly and seemed like they liked teir job!
She was so impressed with my cover letter both the amount I wrote, and my honesty. I mentioned that my eyebrow was pierced. She half-expected me to come in with a Seven-of-nine type deal. And she was extremely suprised that something so small could greatly effect my employment. They are so friendly there, and they respect my personal expression. Sure, they do have a dress-code, but its nothing too special that I couldn't handle. They even offer paid schooling if it helps with my job.
I would be working in customer relations, I'd have the entire fraiser valley to myself and co-ordinate drivers, set up and confirm orders! wow! Im soooooo excited!! mrgreen
I did kinda screw up and go to their wrong location first, but I was quickly corrected. redface
Man, I havent been this happy in a long time I have an interview tommorrow too, at bodymods as the assistant manager. Wheeeee!~
Crushed Dreams · Tue May 08, 2007 @ 12:26am · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Welcome to my extended quilt!!
Crushed Dreams · Fri May 04, 2007 @ 11:45pm · 1 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
What a tangled web I weave, such a tangled web I dont understand. I went nearly 4 weeks without cutting, but today I relapsed. Im going crazy under my own skin.
I slept until 2pm, but my thoughts woke me up. Thoughts of hate for myself. Again, its just like when I dont cut, I tend not to starve purge, but my mental state worsens. Every moment of my thoughts is filled with "You're worthless. you dont deserve food fatty. Why dont you just drop something else, you dumb b***h. Go slit your wrists, emo kid"
But it all stops when I cut. I dont understand it. I ran out of pot today, I ended up spilling my last bowls worth. I managed to salvage it, but whatever. Im out of pot now, with several bottles of schnapps and vodka to drown my thoughts.
Im flawed, broken. Nobody could love this. Dont kid youself, jen. You're worthless. You dont deserve that food You're fat and ugly. Stay in your room and cry, because thats all I know you'll do.
Im tired of waiting. I want to make changes to myself now. No more waiting. Just doing.... you need to survive.
Crushed Dreams · Sat Apr 28, 2007 @ 05:04am · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
I hope you all die in hell |
|
|
|
|
|
|
biggrin Tats right. each and every one of you that works at msp heart Anyone who toughted my request for money for my surgery, deserves to die. Why didnt you give me assistance? Is it because I cut mysef that I dont deserve help? Is it that I am too worthless to society? Or do you just hate me like everyone else does.
The world doesnt want me, and thats so obvious. I am so high.
Crushed Dreams · Mon Apr 23, 2007 @ 10:47pm · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|