It's been a while since i've been on gaia, but of course i have my reasons for that. i had finally left gaia because i realized that this site is just plaaaaaaaaain ******** stupid. i had finally had enough of the trolls, beggers, dumb moderators, flamers, noobs, and just general stupidity that i finally came to the realization... "hey, i'm wasting my time with this". but today i had logged on merely for the simplicity of, shall we say "shits and giggles". but i took a good close look at the history of "Gaia Miles", or rather just myself in general.
Upon logging on to find that gaia has become a cartoony facebook clone that doles out "Achievements" just for postings status', i was reminded of why i left in the first place. However i figured i might as well take a look around my account. i began to look through all of my old forum posts and journal entries, as if it were some sort of personal time-capsule. what i found was both amusing and embarrassing at the same time. keep in mind, this is going ALL the way back to when i first joined gaia over 3 years ago.
When i first joined gaia i was 14, just arrived at high school. and something i've come to learn about myself probably over the past year or so would be that i am a constantly changing individual. since even the time i was 15 i've become a completely different person, but for the better. i was looking back at posts from 9th grade and thinking "wow, was i REALLY that stupid?", whilst sifting through an ocean of bad spelling, retarded logic, and general ignorance. Among the cavalcade of stupidity i found a couple posts i made boasting the fact that i was drunk at the time -.-+.
i saw myself ask for guidance during the charade with Susan, and the summer-long depression that followed. i saw myself try to bring up intellectual conversation with dumbass trolls. i saw myself document the most mundane things and the most pointless thoughts. i even saw myself advertise "That Internet Show", the dumb farce of videos me and my friend had uploaded to youtube in a pitiful effort to be seen. i look at the way i was then, a stupid kid in a teenagers body. perhaps that was the reason i was so drawn to gaia in the first place, it was on my intellectual level at the time razz . but looking back at the stuff i said, did, and thought from even only 2 or 3 years ago i've realized how much i've changed and how rapidly.
in grade 9 i was a long-haired social idiot who would flat-out openly admit my stupidity, i often drank and was an idiot about it. then in grade 10 i started to turn it around, i thought of myself as a hippy. and then the incident with Susan began, while i was with her i thought the worst of myself, thought of myself as a true degenerate with no hope. after that whole thing was finally over, i realized some of my flaws and began to change them. later that year, at the start of the 11th grade i started smoking weed. when i started smoking i basically quit drinking, at this point i basically only drink maybe once every month or 2, if that. but after i started blazing, i generally started to be more laid-back and relaxed a lot of the time. even though i had started blazing, i had realized that in the time before that i was immature and stupid, but by my own choice. i had realized i needed to grow up, and focus more on my classes and studies. even in the year before, during the susan fiasco, i had always said i wanted to be a comedian. of course now i had realized that dream was unrealistic and childish, and instead i turned my eye towards the professional theater.
during last year i also found my interests in psychology and human history. however during this time i also went through a change of persona. my clothing and style generally got darker, i'd cut my hair and began to spike it. i had the appearance of a punk, but not the total mindset of one...not the TOTAL anyway. however i've since toned that down a bit. idk, it's just kind of interesting to see all of this in myself. to see the record of this personal renaissance, and what i was before that.
i've gone from a long-haired hippy to a spike-headed punk.
i've gone from being completely retarded to actually being an intellectual with good grades and social skills.
i've gone from a small circle of untrustworthy, back-stabbing friends to a larger circle of good friends and people i trust.
i've gone from wanting to be a comedian to wanting to be an actor razz
i've gone from irrationality to the logistics of things.
i've gone from drinking to smoking.
i've come to realize so much about myself and the people around me, and about what life really is.
i've gone from complete laziness, to being someone who lifts weights, excersizes and actually DOES s**t razz
don't think that i'm only realizing this all now after looking through a couple of old posts, i've known this all for a while now. but it was interesting to see this all mapped out on gaia, as if in some sort of stupidity timeline XD.
looking at this, i can't help but wonder though what i'll be like in a couple more years. one thing is for certain though, i've come a long way. i guess i'm just writing this journal to say that i'm not who i once was, i'm so much more. call it a defense-mechanism for all the stupid s**t i've said on here, but idk. me writing this does not mean i am back on gaia however, i just thought this was all worth noting.
- Miles G. Brenneman, November 28 2010 9:05 PM
"Some Say" - Sum 41
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