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This is whats happening now.
Current boyfriend doesn't feel like a boyfriend, and I feel like a plaything he likes to coddle with and tell it, its going to be okay, when I'm feeling suicidal. But yet when he wants a flashing, I go running. I don't want to! Why doesn't he understand that!? I want to meet him first, and hang out with him, before doing anything all ! Damnit! *bangs fist against wall, crying* Why can't I ever find the one to settle down with, get married, and have a child? Lets not forget college as I want a career, not a job! *sighs*
Whatever. Its all impossible for me. I'm unattractive. Uninteresting. Unappealing. Just all the un's in the world I am.
I've asked him to move to Texas in hopes that we could be together for a year, and I can get away from my mother as she doesn't want to get a job until after the holidays, etc. [His answer!? perhaps.] So in the mean time I'm spending an a** load just to keep a roof over our heads, and my car! My car which desperately needs to be fixed so I can sell it, and get a newer (used) car with better gas mileage and then some!
Is it selfish of me to want all these things?..
All hope seems to be lost..
Sad, Lonely, & Hopeless, London Abyss Evermore
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Beat of Angels · Fri Oct 26, 2012 @ 02:15am · 0 Comments |