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I think I've decided to write here all my deepest thoughts, but then again I have no outlet so its more of a funny secret no one would know. (Unless they get curious)

There's been a lot that happens within life, it's hard to start at one place... but I've got some wise friends who advise me well.

I was in the hospital for a week In this current month (January) and having my relatives slowly endure painful sicknesses and deaths. Recently my dad's mom has become half paralyzed, strokes must be scary. We sent an aunt to stay over there for the time duration..... was supposed to be a few days but.... It's worry some and I hold back upon thinking the truth is that... shes extended stay due to an expected death. But I like to think positive so I'll just say my aunt is worried and so she's staying until grandma feels comfortable.

My other grandma (moms side) is also battling somethings.... she's still alive and kicking but her mom (Great grandma of mine) actually passed away and it's so painful I wouldn't even want to think of why. I just saw her last yr during my vacation, so lively at 96 I believe.... I got lucky to actually see her when others spent their time having fun or didn't get to see her for some other reason.

That's the family thing, then I have the stress of my college effin up (Edit* ehh bad word) my class so i am missing ONE class i need for my damn degree.... Trying my patience I'm constantly checking for an opening. I've taken up math and physics...... gawd thats hard but I'm determined to pass (I desperately will need a tutor).

And on a more personal level, it seems I'm not made for relationships. But something my friend told me actually DOES seem to make sense among the pile of crap I've learned. They told me "Even if you try to move on sometimes you will still hold a fragment of love for some one, and that itself could blossom on it's own" so basically you are doomed to still feel something for someone even after all has been said and done.

But atleast I figured out my own problem, and solving it, is a joke because no one would try their patience I've figured. So enough about me...

I planned so many things to cancel them, now I'm not expecting anything because I've learned little but it's still valuable. smile last sentence of self conceit?

So my hamster, Chubbs, has given me a couple of death scares. Also it looses fuzz and grows but now it's really losing it's fuzz... it's butt is all shown. I guess it's just old. Aside from that the two ferrets are sweethearts (Drizzle and Catcher Freeman). Leo the lizard is STILL alive and eating ginormous crickets.

I could say the other smaller and bigger issues but maybe this would suffice, I feel I've already ranted more than a reader would read without saying "Oh em gee, this is hella lot to read! whats this crappy compilation of crap doing here..."

People say blogging can help, but I think it just helps gets thoughts out of the brain drain, truthfully I miss my youth. Being 20..... feels like life has just started but i feel I've missed out on my youth.... Maybe that explains why I been so immature? They say with time you will grow at your own pace, I guess I needed to live a little more naive and childish before I could decide on my own to grow up. I avoided it....


There is a lot to my mind, a lot to everything really but with just this one life I have I guess I have to skip over it and go by chapters. How many mistakes does one have to make to create self solutions? how many realizations to find out what we NEED rather than want? being human I suppose, is a flaw to the gift of life.

Hope you are all taking care, this wouldn't be the last time I'll blog but it is one of the few times I'd open up to let thoughts flow.

Ciao lovely souls....