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Windmill, windmill for the land
Learn forever hand in hand
Take it all in on your stride
It is sticking, falling down
Love forever, love is free
Let's turn forever, you and me
Windmill, windmill for the land
Is everybody in?
....addicted... ^^ heart
 My name is Anna... · Sun May 29, 2005 @ 10:18pm · 3 Comments |
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Friendship is easy to find. It is all around. take for example "functional friends." Yes, the functional is not a good word, but funny how they take up more than half of the friendship population. and they are easy to get. just be wise and capable and next thing you'll know, they are all clinging to you, smiling sickeningly sweet.
Of course, while you have "functional friends," you also have this circle of "True friends". But not because true is a good word, you can call them perfect. "True friends" also have flaws though not that much as "Close friends". "Close friends" is one category under "True friends," together with "Best friend/s." "Close friends" are not exempted from arguments and misunderstandings but if they are really "True friends", the bond will never break. "Best friends" are the most crucial. They are the most fragile because when broken, it's hard to bring them back together and it won't be the same again. there's this crack that has formed from the breakage that is visible forever. Because "Best friends" share a very deadly thing: secrets. When the friendship is broken, the secrets spread like wildfire. go figure.
do you know the story of damon and pythias? (if you don't: http://www.hipark.austin.isd.tenet.edu/mythology/damon.html) well i had mixed feelings about it. first feeling: awe. who wouldn't be awed by two people with a very STRONG friendship that it's almost too good to be true? i mean, the king was also bewildered. proof that "True friends" are very rare. two thumbs up for their friendship.
second feeling: doubt. don't blame me. it was just a short term feeling. because, like i said before, their friendship was too good to be true.
third feeling: envy. yes. i am very envious. i would also like to have that sort of friendship wherein he or she would be most willing to die for me. but i won't hope that much. because, really, it's a painful waiting. i have had enough of those.
friendship is easy to find. just equip yourself with trust, nice topics that you like, love, understanding, communication thingies, and last but not the least, your cute smile. some are hard to give but remember, "true friends" are worth the pain. they gibve back what you give them and they'll love fighting for you. the best thing they can do is ease the pain that loneliness likes to throw at you. and the memories, gosh, you'll want to fight for those beautiful things...
My name is Anna... · Sat May 28, 2005 @ 11:04pm · 1 Comments |
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yeah...people kept on advicing when a painful relationship is occurring to get a grip! stop! let go...
of course you listen. but if you can't do it, they'll start calling you stupid, blind, weirdo.
maybe so...but did it ever occur to them that "letting go" isn't just an oh-so-easy-2-word-verb-that-you-can-do-anytime-piece-of-cake?
did it ever occur to them that "letting go" is one hell-of-a decision to make that either way would lead you to another ******** pain? heart
My name is Anna... · Sun Mar 27, 2005 @ 05:40am · 0 Comments |
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1. letting go of a person you just learned to love
2. reminiscing the good times you shared together
3. shielding your heart to love somebody
4. trying to hide what you really feel
5. trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from your eyes.
6. loving a person too much
7. giving up someone you never thought of giving up
8. having the right love at the wrong time
9. taking the risk to fall in love again
10. hiding your relationship from someone else
11. controlling your feelings to avoid hurting a friend
12. thinking of him every waking and sleeping moments
13. letting go, because everytime you see the person, you only fall deeper
14. holding back only to find out when it's too late, you both felt the same way, but were only scared to lose each other so much that you didn't let the feelings out
15. falling in love with someone you didn't mean to fall in love with
16. finding the perfect guy with only one problem, he doesn't love you
17. helping the one you love court your friend
18. seeing the one you love crying for someone else. the waiting also hurts like hell
19. having to hear, "I've met someone..."
20. agreeing to his wish to "just be friends"
21. asking his freedom back because he'd be happier with her
22. asking you to forget that everything happened and be normal friends again
23. hearing that you're treated as a little sister
24. sharing his future plans for the girl with you
25. you stopped being friends because his girlfriend asked him to
26. being denied in front of people
27. telling you lies where he'd been when actually, he was with a 'new friend' or an 'old flame'
28. he told you he'd be leaving you to return to his ex
29. fighting for that one thing that would make you happy, that is, holding on to a person who cannot guarantee you his commitment unless he fix himself...then, you are left hanging for the moment...then he says, time will tell, but you still decided to have hope in him and trust him
30. PRETENDING you're okay when inside you're dying
31. PRETENDING to be strong...and RECOGNIZING your weakness
32. lying in bed each night, thinking of that special person you can never have
33. being with someone you can't actually love
34. pretending you don't love a person whom you actually do
35. being in love
36. letting go even if you don't really want to
37. having no right to say you are hurting because it was your decision
38. seeing the person you love hurt because of you...and not being able to help that person
39. having the courage to say I LOVE YOU to the person you love and finding out afterwards that things will never be the same again when he doesn't treat you with the same closeness as before
40. having to face the fact that someone is capable of completely destroying the wall that you have set for yourself, leaving you weak and vulnerable
41. admitting that you love someone despite his imperfections
42. finding out that the more you try to hate him, the more you end up loving him, perhaps even more than before
43. realizing how stupid your mistakes were that led to your break-up
44. the thought that this guy, used to really love you and you loved him as well but you didn't give him enough and he gave up on you
45. sharing the one you love with SOMEBODY else
46. making a promise and realizing that when the time has come for that promise to be delivered, the commitment is no longer there.
47. the hardest thing about love -believing it exists
48. after you've been hurt, learning to forgive, learning to trust and love again
49. breaking someone's heart
-BUT THE HARDEST THING REALLY IS LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF
heart
My name is Anna... · Sun Dec 19, 2004 @ 01:14am · 1 Comments |
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Your mother came up to me
She wanted answers only she should know
Only she should know
It wasn't easy to deal
With the tears that rolled down her face
I had no answers 'cause
I didn't even know you
But these words, they can't repace
The life you...the life you waste
How could you paint this picture?
With life as bad as it should seem
That there were no more options for you
I can't explain how I feel
I've been there many times before
I've tasted the cold steel of my life
Crashing down before me
But these words, they can't repace
The life you...the life you waste
Did Daddy not love you?
Or did he love you just too much?
Did he control you
Did he live through you at your cost?
Did he leave no questions for you to answer on your own?
WELL ******** THEM!
AND ******** HER!
AND ******** HIM!
AND ******** YOU!
For not having the strength in your heart
To pull through!
I 've had doubts! I have failed!
I've ******** up! I've had plans!
Doesn't mean I should take
My life with my own hands
But these words, they can't repace
The life you...the life you waste
But these words, they don't replace
The life you...THE LIFE YOU WASTE
...thank you, Mr. zelgadis_drk_swordsman... heart
My name is Anna... · Sun Dec 19, 2004 @ 12:19am · 0 Comments |
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I love another...and I hate myself...
People cannot escape love. But love is not a bad word. But with love comes pain. And pain is not a good word. And with pain comes the hating of oneself because of loving another.
Enter first scenario. When somebody loves someone but that someone doesn't feel the same way, it hurts like hell. Because that somebody knows that that someone will never be his. Because that somebody can't blame that someone for not loving him. So, he blames and hates himself for loving.
And that loved "someone"? Either she loves him, but not as much or she loves another.
The problem with people is that, they expect the people they love to love them as much as they do.
Enter second scenario. Boy and girl meet. Boy and girl become friends. Boy develops feelings for girl. Girl develops feelings for boy. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy and girl enter a sweet relationship. Friends envy and admire this strong relationship. All thinks this is a happy ending. Then girl2 appears. Boy's attention divides into two. Girl2 lures and seduces boy. Boy develops feelings for girl2. Girl senses the change in atmosphere and decides to talk to boy. Boy and girl quarrels. Boy and girl call it quits. Boy curses himself while girl wets her pillows with angry tears.
And girl2? If she's a good girl, then she doesn't know what's going on. If she's a bad one, she's probably laughing her a** off.
Who can blame a third-party if you can't decide whether he or she's evil or plain naive?
I can't think of other scenarios fraknkly because I'm still inexperienced with this field. But i know, there are so many scenarios out there. Painful scenarios that were created because of love and the risk people take for it.
Based from all the scenarios I told, why does it always have to end painfully? Ask that to the people concerned and they will most likely answer, "Because I love her." "Because he likes her." "Because he likes another." "Because I love another."
Because of the agonizing sentence, "I love another..." another painful word was created, "I hate myself..."
You think those people who love another are the happy ones? What if that "another" doesn't love them, too? What if that "another" has another loved one (I'm starting to think this love thing is a big cycle of pain)?
Because people cannot blame the people they love for not loving them, they blame themselves for loving those people. They end up hating themselves because they keep on loving people who can't love back. They keep on loving the impossible.
But, I'm not against love. As I said before, love is not a bad word. It is just a weird one. Or maybe people are the weird ones. I don't know. Maybe I'll understand soon.
heart
My name is Anna... · Sun Dec 19, 2004 @ 12:06am · 0 Comments |
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What does my name tell about me? |
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