I feel that I have completely neglected a friend.
They have treated me so well in the past and even wrote about me for a project. I hold them dear since they have open up a lot in my life since meeting them. I seen them as a role model and it really has been hurting seeing them pushing away from me. I just hope they are happy. I cant even spell there life name right since I use to there nickname so much.
I wish I could turn back the clock I really do. they mean a lot to me as a friend and I wish I could show it.
I guess this is the time to use this. you let some one go if you really love them. if they are a true friend they will return.
it really hurts to say that. but I hope this person will have a great life and make something out of them selfs. just wish I could of done something to show how much I really appreciated there present as a friend and a older sibling, but I can't as much as I have tried I flip them over.
They meant the world but I guess its time to stop chasing when the road has crumbled. I will miss them and hope maybe things will change over the years or even hopefully months after this.
Cause really with out there friendship back when I was in middle school and some of highschool.
This was friend only one I think could ever make in one life time. this was a friend who had been there. I wish I could of been there for this person instead of adding to pain and stress.
but what is done is done.
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my friend, please understand I guess I just had to much heart. in my family we chew one an other out like nothing else. you may say family don't treat one an other that way but in mine just an other part of life. my mother is from Mexico so her culture is way different from what is displayed here and now. I sorry that I happened to yell at you and hurt you were it really hurt. and I know you are likely tired of it. and I understand as much as it hurts. but you were the best thing that happened to me. You are the first person to really show me a friendship, and some one to trust. I hope you can find something that will make you happy in life I really do. I know this school year will be hard for you. since it is your last one till collage. I hope your wish as a teacher will come true or that other were you wanted to be something and travel if I remember what you said right. I say go for it! you had have the biggest heart I ever known and the warmth to go with it. I will say I was happy to make friends with you. and still extreamly glad I had. I will remember you as my BBF for ever and a great role model. that will not ever change.
I tell you for a while I did envy you, you were every thing I wanted to be. but I don't want to now cause that is you. you have changed for the better and I see that now, you are a strong willed person. I hope you get what you reach for in life. I do hope after time you show me that warm heart I knew from back when if you still have it in you. if not I will keep those warm moments in my mind. you know I still have those little posters you made for me back from middle school. they mean alot to me. you never know how much you actions ment to me. you were and still are my best friend even if you do not share the same feeling. just know I be waiting if there is ever a change of mind...
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I guess I going to log off for now since I don't really have much to say now. I was feeling better but I keep getting knocked down.
I just hope this some how dose not exploded in my face. this was just act of kindness and hope the person will see this. I failed at a lot of things but I cant help but try to save what means the most of to me. can I? all well take care all I going to go get some more meds that I thought I could get off of now and eat and likely go to bed. take care all.
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edit:
I guess I should fallow my parents voice now. I just keep getting hurt more from trying to fix things myself that time should only do. my heath has been declining from this. I need to find new friends that wont hurt me so badly as this person may have not known they were doing. I guess I cared to much for them. to this person, don't try to reply to me any more only if your going to be pins and needles. friends don't hurt friends as you have said yourself. you treat others as the way you want to be treated! I not going to reply if you are just going to try to destroy me further since all you said so far to me been negative. each time you reply you rip out a other chunk of me. if I am to get better I got to try to move on as much as it hurts me to push away some one I held so close. but, since they just seem to be making me more sick with more with there anger I don't want it any more. I am to afraid to even go like a mile from there house,work and the collage they often visit for the net.I don't want to be sad, and sick. I shouldn't have to be taking meds for how bad I feel. maybe my parents were right that she never did care and maybe she dosent care if she toss friends like trash. I guess that is why I held on. I didn't want to be that paper thrown out. I wanted to stay. but I guess I shouldn't have become blind. I should of never thought a friendship that started from a rp would ever last...I love to still have this persons friendship but I guess my parents were right... wish they werent but she has not proved me that there not. I cant be blind any more to this. I done what I felt I could do. I got to get well. please wish me luck and or pray. I need it. I am as low as low can get right now. even try to talk to me. I need some new friends that wont hurt me so much. I need to get this ball of sorrow out of my stomach. I got to get better!
 XristiEno · Wed Aug 27, 2008 @ 02:41am · 0 Comments |
