As taken from my Myspace Blog...since the ones I wanted to read it didn't. Goes to show that the ones I thought weren't my friends...aren't.
I'm tired. I'm crabby. I haven't been on here aside from five minutes about twice a day to write to a friend.
I'm tired, in both senses.
For the past two weeks sleep has not been kind to me. It is now useless to try to cover the dark circles under my eyes since they won't.
Along with not sleeping, headaches have been a daily occurence in my life.
I'm frustrated, confused, upset, and above all, I'm tired as hell!
I'm tired of being the last to know anything. To be the one person, people put up with because I don't stand out. Because I'm friends with their friends and they don't even want to get to know me. So they just put up with me.
I'm tired of trying. Of being the person who always sends people messages just to start up a conversation...for the tenth time.
I'm always the one standing outside the fire, watching everyone else inside, I wait for permission, to be allowed to join in.
When I join in just because it looks fun, it seems no one wants me there.
I'm tired of being stepped on. Set aside. Not told anything.
I'm tired of fighting for my right, for what I want, for what I believe. For the friends I want to have if they don't want me.
I'm tired of being emotional. I'm tired of my headaches. I'm tired of waking up with bruises and scratches I have to think of another explanation for. I'm tired of being tired.
I'm tired of my 'friends' not being friends.
I've been nice. I've been friendly. I've been caring. What has that gotten me? CRAP! Where has it gotten me? NO WHERE!
I'm tired of trying.
This is to all of you. Everyone who reads this. Think back...when was the last time you messaged me? When was the last time you STARTED a converstion with me? When was the last time you text me? Talked to me? WHEN?!
That's all to my friends. Haven't even started on my boyfriend. Whom, at the moment, is scarying me.
As it is....As it stands...Won't talk to me. Won't try to let me help.
So...for everything I have done...always done....for always being there....I'm treated like crap.
I honestly give up. Give me a reason why. My friends, give me a reason why. John....give me a reason why.
Because as it is, I GIVE UP!
Goodbye.
 1wickedmind · Wed Oct 14, 2009 @ 07:15am · 0 Comments |
