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So, here we are.

It's been a while, I guess. Kinda doesn't feel like long, but also feels like a few lifetimes at least. I think the last time I logged into Gaia Online before this week was probably almost a decade ago, which is kind of sad considering that it used to be one of the most important things in my life. In middle school and high school I spent hours every day talking to people in the forums and playing the games and planning future iterations of my beloved avatar. And then nothing.

Quarantine does some weird s**t to a girl though, so here I am again, 25 years old and back on Gaia. It kind of feels like coming home.

I remember talking to people on Gaia back in 2006 and telling them that I was 14, thinking that that was the magic age that would enable me to be a cool teenager instead of a dorky 11 year old. That seems like a really trivial age difference to me now, but at the time it was a whole different thing. I guess it's kind of cool to be at a place in my life where I don't feel the need to lie to strangers on the internet about who I am to feel deserving of their attention. That's one of the few things that doesn't suck about being an adult.

Despite everything going on in the world right now, I'm having a blast on my nostalgic trip to the mid-2000s. I don't think I've written a journal entry in maybe five years, maybe more, but it just feels right to be doing this on this website now, of all times. I also feel like this is an acceptable time and place to say, "No, Dad, it's not just a phase," because I still have the black hair that he always told me I would regret more than ten years after I started begging him to let me dye it.

I wish that I had a few friends to quarantine with who could experience this intense nostalgia journey with me because I am going balls deep in 2007 right now. I just bought a Gloomy Bear plush on eBay and I'm currently in search of the perfect scene kid rhinestone encrusted diamond-shaped necklace. I'm also looking into finally buying the BJD that my childhood self always dreamed of owning.

I think Gaia-era me would be pretty proud, honestly. Other than a few mistakes throughout the years like giving up drawing and losing touch with my middle school friends when I went to a different high school than them, my life has been pretty okay since I left Gaia. I have tattoos now, and even a couple facial piercings. I work at music festivals and don't live with my parents. I even own a few pairs of Demonias, which 13-year-old me would have been super stoked to know was in her future.

As fun as nostalgia can be, though, it also kind of hurts a little. I wish I had appreciated my childhood more back then, and focused more on enjoying the present than planning for the future. I wish I could tell myself that I didn't actually end up following a single plan that I was making, and that that was a good thing. I'm glad I didn't end up teaching high school literature and living in the same suburban neighborhood my entire life. I've had experiences that I never would have dreamt of. But, despite all of that, here I am sitting in front of the same laptop I had in high school shedding a few tears over how much I miss the simplicity of 2007. And also the coon tails every cool girl had dyed into her hair. Not gonna lie, I really miss the time when that was a socially acceptable thing to do.

I think I've written enough for now, although there's always so much more to write. I could go on for ages about everything that's happened since I left Gaia, and how I ended up back here, but I guess that's a journal entry for another time. I'm sure nobody will read this, but it still feels good to write.

See you next time, dear Gaia journal.

Arcadia