We all have those instances where no matter how badly we want something for ourselves, an inside part of us is still willing to help others make an attempt for themselves. Why? Why do we do these things? Are some of us creatures of habit, or do we sometimes know that despite our masochistic actions we're doing it for altruistic reasons? I'm at a point in my life I'm more amoral than ever, and several of my actions are of a questionable nature, yet I still go on to help others like this. I won't lie, it hurts. It most definitely hurts to think of someone else doing something I want to be doing myself; that they will get to enjoy the benefits of something I myself already do. I want to be that person.
This... this brings us to the other part of my thought process. When an attachment as this forms, I believe it might be a time to sever it. At the very least I should establish what sort of interaction is being reciprocated. Everyone knows having an interest and feelings go unrequited is one of the worst things someone could experience. This is where I just want to shrug it all off, laugh and be the crazy clown I've been come to be known by through my videos and posts. Whimsical, uncaring. After all, who cares about the clowns? Shapeless, faceless, there only to entertain and temporarily offer relief from your day to day woes while behind their smiling facades they haven't stopped dealing with theirs. Such is the cost of being one of the entertainers of the circus of life, this place being a giant Big Top of creatures of various stripes. Which reminds me. It's amazing how they paint unites us culture to culture, language through language, even if we don't understand one another. We all know what we're there to do.
I don't believe in karma, religion is a finger pointing the way while its believers stay and suckle on it and we are our own redeemers. Yet sometimes I'm still driven to do good things by whatever nature that is within me that dictates this. I'm not sure it's natural, as nature doesn't offer many examples of the selfless inflicting self-harm of any stripe to help others. And this, dear readers, is where we enter in the idea of a soul, the concept of genetic memory and more. But that's for another discussion entirely. Enough for now. Still a sane post. I promise I'll get one of my crazies going soon enough.
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Diary of a Misfit
Read here my posts varying in levels of sanity and insanity. It depends on the day, my mood, what I've watched and even if I'm writing in make up or not. It all plays a part. Read at your own risk.
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