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As I sit and write this poem,
My butt is heaving' and a blowing',
Stinking up this bathroom stall,
I'm trying not to spray the wall,
I can't control it, I wanna die,
It must have been, that pumpkin pie.


If you sprinkle
When you tinkle,
Please be neat
And clean the seat!


Some people come here to sit and think,
Others come to take a drink,
Many come and read a bit,
Me I come to take a sh*t


Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but whips and chains excite me,
So... throw me down,
and tie me up and show me that you like me.



I see you taking that s**t!
Now put it back.


here I sit all broken hearted
tried to s**t but only farted
then one day I took a chance
tried to fart and s**t my pants


This is a tee pee
for a pee pee.
Not a wig wam
to beat your tom-tom.


"some come here to sit and think
some come here to s**t and stink
but I came here to scratch my balls
and read the writing on the walls"


And my all time favorite:


If you love your man
Have some class
Don't write his name
Where you wipe your a**.


I'm about to go cheesy
I don't give a s**t
Cause every word I spit, well I mean it
I've got a long nose that pulls my pack
but still I know you're feeling it

Who me, your love? Don't talk
Cause I make you better by showing you
How much love I got for you
No, Don't, you need it
flicks like a tracker
wanna do things proper

Okey-dokey,
remember when you used to tell me no
Now you're telling me you don't wanna move slow

It's a mutual feeling
Good the feelings that I'm feeling are
making me look to the ceiling
leaving me dreaming
all my painful luck I was teething

I'll be your smurfette
your little darling, all dressed in blue
We can run the circle or s**t 'til it hurt
Just me and you
pillow fight, pillow talk
I'll touch you in your sleep
Well, still I might
Now of course, I walk right in your dreams

I know who you are
And I know you're far
But you're close to my heart
So let me serenade you with my bars
But still I care
I'm here, you're there
So when I shout it sounds like whispers (whispers)

I know who you are
And I know you're far
But you're close to my heart
So let me serenade you with these bars
But still I care
I'm here, you're there
So when I shout it sounds like whispers (whispers)

(Dial tone)
"Come on, answer your phone, man."
"You never answer it."
"How do I get to speak to you anymore?"
(The person you called is not available.)
"I don't know, first malkin."
(Please leave your message after the tone.)

You ain't making this easy
You're taking a piss
That's about eight phone calls
of mine that you've missed
By tomorrow, it'll be twenty-six
Maybe I should stop, I feel like a div

I know what this is, this is stupid
I swear, I wanna beat up cupid
There's my heart in bits, that's what you did
Now I've gotta start a new team

Let's start again
Let's start and spend something I don't wanna do
Boo-hoo, my tears fall for you
I think, someone else, I wasn't being cruel to you

"Yeah, well, I'm gonna be that cheeky b***h (I don't know)."
"But now I'm in bits."
"You know how I feel, you know what it is."

I know who you are
And I know you're far
But you're close to my heart
So let me serenade you with my bars
But still I care
I'm here, you're there
So when I shout it sounds like whispers (whispers)

I know who you are
And I know you're far
But you're close to my heart
So let me serenade you with these bars
But still I care
I'm here, you're there
So when I shout it sounds like whispers (whispers)

Whispers (whispers)
Whispers (whispers)
Whispers (whispers)
Whispers (whispers)
Whispers (whispers)

I walk right in your dreams

Whispers (whispers)

I know who you are
And I know you're far
But you're close to my heart
So let me serenade you with my bars
But still I care
I'm here, you're there
So when I shout it sounds like whispers (whispers)

I know who you are
And I know you're far
But you're close to my heart
So let me serenade you with these bars
But still I care
I'm here, you're there
So when I shout it sounds like whispers (whispers)