questions
Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 @ 08:46am
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
|
Agent K: "1500 years ago, everybody "knew" that the earth was the center of the universe. 500 years ago, everybody "knew" that the earth was flat. And 15 minutes ago, you "knew" that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll "know" tomorrow."
Captain Jack: Alright then, I confess. It is my intention to commander one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, rape, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasley black guts out.
Prisoner: The Black Pearl? I've heard stories. She's been preying on ships and settlements for near ten years. Never leaves any survivors.
Captain Jack: No survivors? Then where do the stories come from, I wonder?
Pintel: Hello Chum!
Elizabeth: Captain Barbossa, I am here to negotiate the cessation of hostilities against Port Royal.
Barbossa: There are a lot of long words there Miss. We're naughty but humble pirates. What is it want?
Elizabeth: I want you to leave and never come back.
Barbossa: I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means "no".
Mr Gibbs: Curse you for breathing, you slack-jawed idiot! Mother's love! Jack! You should know better to wake a man when he's sleepin'. It's bad luck.
Captain Jack: Fortunately, I know how to counter it. The man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink. The man who was sleeping drinks it while listening to a proposition from the man who did the waking.
Mr Gibbs: Aye, that'll about do it.
Barbossa: You best start believing in ghost stories, Miss Turner. You're in one!
Captain Jack: Pearli...palu-li-la-la-lulu...parlili...parsnip...parsley...partner....
Ragetti: Parley?
Captain Jack: That's the one! Parley! Parley!
Piniel: Parley? Damn to the deaths whatever muttonhead thought of parley!
Captain Jack: That would be the French.
Captain Jack: Stop blowing holes in my ship!
Elizabeth: You like pain? Try wearing a corset
|
 |
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
dancing with the devil
Community Member
|
dancing with the devil
Community Member
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 @ 08:36am
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
Cool Runnings
Sanka: What I am saying to you, is that you are the kind of club-toting, raw-meat-eating, Me-Tarzan-You-Jane-ing big bald bubblehead who can only count to ten if he's barefoot or wearing sandals.
Sanka: I'm freezing my royal Rastafarian na-nas off!
Daresse: Hay Sanka - What you smokin'?
Sanka:I'm not smokin' - I'm breathing!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At first I was afraid,
I was petrified,
When you said you had 10 inches
Lord, I almost died.
But I'd spent so many nights
just waiting for a man that long,
That I grew strong,
And I knew that I could take you on. . .
But there you are,
Another lie!
I was ready for a Big Mac
and you've brought me a French fry.
I should have known it was so small,
Just a sad pathetic dream,
Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those jeans.
Go on now go,
Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches
then turn up with only 4,
Weren't you a jerk to think I wouldn't notice it pop out,
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count?
I will survive,
I will survi-ive,
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life's gonna thrive,
I will always have good sex
with a handful of latex.
I will survive,
I will survive. . hey, hey!
It took all my self control
not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little wiener
standing small and proud.
But too bad about your ego
and to Hell with all your needs!
Now I'm saving all my lovin'
for a cordless multispeed
Go on now go,
Just make a dash,
Last time I saw a d**k that small I was treating diaper rash!
I should have asked for confirmation,
Should have asked for pictures, please!
Then I wouldn't have you waving that
wee winkie thing at me.
Go on now go,
Just hit the track,
Don't you bring me home no little worm,
I'll always throw them back.
The only thing that I could do with a d**k as small as yours,
Is to stick it with a tooth pick And then call it an hors d'oeuvre!
I will survive,
I will survi-ive,
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life's gonna thrive,
I will always have good sex
with a handful of latex.
I will survive,
I will survive. . .hey, hey!
Go on now go,
Get out of my sight,
I'm going back to my appliance,
Cuz I know it's length is right,
And if I ever see your tiny pecker peckin' at my door,
You'll be counting your 4 inches as you pick them off the floor.
Go on now Go!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 @ 08:33am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
How to Survive a Horror Movie
Based on watching many, many horror movies.
1. Firstly, never drink or do drugs and stay a virgin. Boring!
2. Never say that you'll be right back because you won't be.
3. Always make sure that your car has a fresh battery so it will start immediately in times of crisis.
4. When you're searching a house because you think there's something dangerous there, for God's sake turn the bloody lights on!
5. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
6. Big breasts and blonde hair are a death-wish.
7. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
8. If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a good reason. Take the hint and stay away.
9. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
10. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
11. If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, that was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices, move away immediately.
12. Always check the back seat of your car.
13. If on a stormy night, you find a window open which you thought was previously closed, do not close it. It may be your only way out when whatever has come in through it is chasing you.
14. If you come into possession of a strange old artifact and any exotic person (old wizened oriental, gypsy, indian medicine man) warns you to do/not do something, do not do just the opposite in order to demonstrate how silly they are.
15. Anniversary nights of executions, horrible murders, or terrifying rituals should be viewed with fear. Especially on the spot where the event took place. Most especially on even century anniversaries. And certainly if you or a friend is somehow descended from one of the original participants.
16. If your friend turns into a demon and then suddenly turns back to normal, kill them because they are not normal!
17. Kill the person in the group who suggests that you split up. They will eventually get you killed.
18. Never be with the group who plays vicious pranks on the shy strange new kid, those pranksters will soon meet their doom and often in a horribly gory way.
19. Go ahead and slap the screaming hysterical girl, she will be the one to distract everyone when there really is danger.
20. Nothing is ever over if it is still night-time.
21. Take heed of all warnings from animals and children. They usually know more than you do.
22. Never run to the top floor of any building if you are being chased by a maniac/monster. Your only way out will be to jump.
23. Never publicly announce your plans for the future if you make it out alive. It guarantees that you have no future.
24. Never under any circumstances run upstairs if you are being chased.
25. If you find Brad Pitt dressed as a vampire, dont forget to forward him my email address! area51newmexico@hotmail.com
26. When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.
27. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum or any other house of the dead.
28. Do not take *anything* from the dead.
29. Stay away from certain geographical locations. Such as: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle or any small town in Maine.
30. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches, smoldering irons, band saws or any (possibly deathly) device made from deceased companions.
31. Listen closely to the soundtrack and pay attention to the audience. They are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.
32. Remember: Showing Skin=Death.
33. Always be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl in school.
34. Never watch a horror movie while you're in a horror movie.
35. When battling zombies, always sever their head or shoot them in the brain. If you they still want to eat you after that, just surrender. There's no hope for you anyway.
36. If you're annoying person that no-body likes and in a crap cheapo horror movie, please make a documentary that requires you to hike through the woods while looking for a witch that leaves stick figures hanging in trees, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
37. Never say "Who's there?" Its a death wish.
38.If you DO happen to get killed, make sure it's in a cheap low-budget gore-fest with no plot, so you can come back in the sequel and kick a**, no explanation needed.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
dancing with the devil
Community Member
|
dancing with the devil
Community Member
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 @ 08:31am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
THINGS WE'VE LEARNED FROM THE MOVIES.
With Suggestions by Matt, Andy, Michael, Barney, LJ & Scott
1) During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
2) All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
3) The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
4) When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
5) Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
6) Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
7) A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium.
cool It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
9) A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
10)It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
11) Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
12) An electric fence powerful enough to kill a large dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
13) If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
14) It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
15) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German you need not speak the language. A German accent will do.
16) Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
17) The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
1 cool You're very likely to survive any battle in any war - unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
19) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince in agony when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
20) If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade- at any time of the year.
21) All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
22) It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
23) Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
24) Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
25) Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
26) If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.
27) Wearing a singlet or stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.
2 cool Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
29) All single women have a cat.
30) Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
31) One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
32) Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cutting - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
33) When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
34) Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them
35) When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
36) Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste.
37) Whenever a natural or man-made disater is about to occur, the hero escapes (alive) nano second before its too late and is catupulted into the air by the force- but is never harmed
3 cool No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
39) If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.
40) You can always find a chainsaw whenever you're likely to need one.
41) All Americans have phones which can reach throughout the house-even if it has a cord. If its cordless- you can pick up perfect reception all around the house...unless there is a insane killer about
42) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
43) Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one.
44) Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.
45) Building ventilation ducts are always clean.
46) Film stars are always super-human- they never need to use the bathroom
47) Any computer, anywhere, even in the jungle, can hack into the most secure goverment system.
4 cool Any aliens from outer space that you meet will speak your language.
49) No matter how many times you punch someone they will always come back for more - and their wounds have healed dramtically the next day
50) All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
51) All handcuffs can easily be opened with nothing more than a paper clip.
52) Grocery shopping bags are made out of brown paper and there is always enough shopping to fill two bags exactly.
53) If you need to open a locked door make sure you have a credit card handy, that will do. Unless its the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
54) If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
55) If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
56) Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
57) No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
5 cool When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
59) Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not.
60) At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
61) Should you decide to defuse a bomb don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
62) Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
63) If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
64) Even if you've been set up for murder, been framed and you have the whole world wide police force hunting you down, you will automatically live happliy ever after aslong as you break away from the police and kill the bad guy.
65) If you desire to send any car into flame for any given reason, just shoot it three times, even though in real life you could stand right infront of a vechile and shoot the gun into the gas tank, it wouldnt ignite the fuel, only 1 or 2 bullets in the world can cause a spark, and it seems every police man in movies who blow up vehicles have those bullets!
66) Any woman who has just witnessed her father ,(brother, husband, fammily member ect) killed right there infront of her, will never be traumatised , morn, or be effected in anyway to resist making love to the hero who saved her!
6 cool Why when the hero of the movie gets the girl at the end , it seems like they will live happily ever after, yet dosent even mention her name or remember her in sequals!
69)You never need to look up the phone number for the pizza delivery service and the delivery guy is always psycic -you never need to tell him where you live or what you want on your pizza.
70) After witnessing a horrible crime being committed- don't call the cops, instead conduct your own Private Eye investigation.
71) If a lifetime of watching movies has taught me anything at all, it's to MAKE SURE that a captured secret agent is dead BEFORE you walk away from your miscellaneous torture device.
72) That, and to always look behind you when you hear menacing violin music begin to play.
73) In school, teachers will always be interrupted mid-sentence by the end-of-class bell.
74) Rather than wasting bullets, Megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
75) Never disarm a bomb unless it has one second left on the timer. The same goes for escaping from areas with a timed locking mechanism.
76) Always trust the most annoying person you can find because he/she will always survive.
77) If you are being chased by zombies run as fast as you can, even though they can barely walk they will still catch up with you.
7 cool Secret agents cannot drown because they have special lungs that allow them to breathe forever.
79) If someone you love dies then start mourning and crying, doing so will mean that they will then magically appear in front of you!
80) If someone or something is about to kill you and you have a gun then you are screwed because even if you have a loaded gun, the bullets will mysteriously disappear once you start shooting.
81) If you are in a vehicle and you have a vision of a huge accident and then get out of it then beware, because afterwards, any random object could kill you in any random way. (From Final Destination)
82) If your wife is having an affair, never kill the person she is having it with, you may have to eat him the next day. (From The Cook, The Wife, The Thief and Her Lover)
83) No matter what your mission is you will be given the lastest gadget (or have it installed in your car), which will be the exact thing you need to complete your mission (and it will always work). Also no matter how much experince and trainning someone has shoting, they will always miss the hero.
84) No matter how fast someone runs through the woods, the killer will be able to walk and manage to get just in front of the person as they fall or turn around.
85) All of the killers victims will fall out of trees and become visible only when the last person alive is running for their lives.
86) Being a camp counsellor at a summer camp is as good as a death sentence
87) All zombies roaming the streets have only been bit once or twice, yet when a zombie gets someone on screen they always tear them to pieces
8 cool Two gophers and a piece of clothes can be made into the deadly weapon known as gopfer-jakus
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 @ 08:27am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
42 Things That Will Make Your Parents Go Crazy.
Emailed by a friend
1. Follow them around the house everywhere...
2. Moo when they say your name...
3. Run into walls...
4. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion...
5. Stand over them at four in the morning with a huge grin on your face and say, good morning sunshine...
6. Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA"...
7. Wear a sticker that says, "I'm a retard"...
8. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to all the time...
9. In public yell, "No Mom/Dad, I will not make out with you!!"...
10. Do what they actually tell you...
11. Jump off the roof, trying to fly...
12. Hold their hand and whisper to them, I see dead people...
13. At everything they say yell, Liar...
14. Try to swim in the floor...
15. Tap on their door all night...
16.Pretend to have amnesia...
17.Say everything backwards...
18.Give yourself a swirly...
19.Run around with a lamp shade on your head yelling, "the sun!!! it's dying!!!"...
20.Sing at the top of your lungs while running around the house...in your underwear...
21.Have nervous spasms at spontaneous times...
22.Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder...
23.Run in circles...
24.Recite a whole movie 3 times...
25.Pretend to beat yourself up...
26.Chase/bark at the mail man...
27.Wear your pants on your head and your shirt on your waist... tell them you're making a fashion statement...
28.Try and drink out of a glass the wrong way...
29.Super glue your finger up your nose...
30.Talk to a pen...
31.Lay face down and chant like an Indian tribe...
32.Try and climb the wall...
33.Roll on the floor laughing hysterically in supermarkets...
34.Take your ice cream cone and put it one your forehead... say you're a lovely unicorn...
35. Turn the tv on to a station you don't get, watch the static and say you're looking for the pattern...
36.Switch the light button on and off for a while. then say, "ooooh... I get it!!!"...
37.Eat your hair...
38.Whatever they are eating, tell them it looks like a certain animal...
39.Eat anything obviously not edible...
40.Say your pet is mocking you and chase it around the house...
41.When you shower or bathe yell, "I'm drowning!!!"...
42.Try to snorkel in your fish tank...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
dancing with the devil
Community Member
|
dancing with the devil
Community Member
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 @ 08:17am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
When at work, jump on to your desk, shout "ARRIBA!" and proceed to belly dance to a tape of 'Livin La Vida Loca'
Walk up to random people in the street and shyly ask in a baby like voice "will *you* be my fwend?"
Have hundreds of leaflets printed reading 'Yung go Ping's Chinese takeaway' now in association with the R.S.P.C.A.' Go ahead and leaflet your area
Go to the Bingo, when you win, jump up and shout " HA!, I conquer you elderlies!"
Go to the supermarket, pick up a courgette, hold it to your ear then say, "what?!, you don't want me to eat you?, well...ok then" put it down and move on.
Later, re-enact the Chariot scene in Ben Hur with your trolley.
While on the bus, eat a whole lettuce as if it were an apple.
Make a list of ways to relieve boredom.
When crossing the road, run across in exaggerated slow motion whilst humming 'Chariots of fire'. When you reach the other side, slow mo celebrate. Get emotional.
When talking to someone, look over their shoulder and suddenly freeze, look terrified as you say "Don't. Move." start to back away. say " I'll get help" and run off.
Put your head in a candy floss machine...see what happens.
Go to the Train station and stay on the platform, as a train is leaving, grab a passengers hand through an open window and run along the side of the train, all the while telling them how much you're going to miss them and will never forget them. Done in the style of 'Brief Encounter'.
Cello tape your mouth shut, communicate with Morse code via blinking.
Wear a sheet as a toga, proclaim yourself to be 'Farticus' and pass wind every time you speak your name.
Superglue a chess set to your ceiling, Like my friend Riad did!
Befriend trees.
Go around saying, "I'm sane, I swear."
Have a hotdog eating contest with yourself.
Memorize the lyrics to theme songs. E.g. pokemon, cardcaptors.
Stare at a spot in the ceiling and see how many other people you can get to do it.
Pull the skin on your elbow and scream, "My Weinus Is So Big!"
Watch a black and white movie, mute it, and make up your own dialogue for it.
Take the powder from Fun Dip, throw it at people and say, "Evil begone!"
After every sentence say, "Over" and make that static noise that walkie-talkies make.
Start every sentence with, "Momma always said"
Put tape over your nose and talk like Michael Jackson.
Pick up the coins in the fountain in the mall and scream, "I'm rich!"
Scotch tape your mouth shut, communicate with Morse code via blinking.
Tell people they have dead spiders following them.
Area 51 was Established on August 18th 2001 © Copyright H. Bedford. All Rights Reserved.
Area 51 New Mexico can not be held responsible for any arrest, lawsuit, injury or loss of life for any persons who undergoes any of these activities suggested on this webpage. *Evil Laughter*
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 @ 08:13am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Mr & Mrs Blobby are in bed, Mrs Blobby says "blib blob bobble blub bibby bob blubby blib". Mr Blooby says "Just ******** swallow it"
A woman goes to the doctors complaining that every time she takes her bra off a black man sticks his head out from between her tits, pulling a funny face & blowing raspberries. So the doctor takes a look "Ah I know what's wrong with you" he replies "you've had sillycoon implants"
Two junkies inject curry instead of heroin... one ended up with a dodgy tikka and the other is in a korma.
Man has a £50 note tattooed on his c**k. his wife says "why have you done that?" He replies "Firstly, i like to see my money grow. Secondly. I like to play with my money. Thirdly I like having money in my hand but last but not least next time you want to blow fifty quid you can stay at home to do it".
How many animals can you fit into a pair of tights (pantyhose)? 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 a**, 1 p***y, countless hares, the occasional c**k and 1 dead fish that no one can find.
A woman in a coma receives a sponge bath from the nurse. The nurse notices that when she washes her privates, the woman shows some movement. The nurse tells the woman's husband and suggests that oral sex might help her to wake up. He agrees. 2 minutes later the woman is dead and the nurse asks "how the hell did she die?", the man replies "i dunno, I think she choked".
You can now play hangman via text. I'll help you with the first one - S_DD_M
A boy says to his mum "I've got the biggest c**k in the nurser, is it because I'm black?" "No" she replies, "It's because you are 25 and a ******** retard"
Man goes to the docs for a c**k extension. Doc suggest a baby elephants truck stitched on for £3,000. Man agrees 6 weeks later while having dinner with a new girlfriend, he feels the unusual stirring in hios pants and thinks this is the night. While chatting over dinner his p***s flies out ans steals a bread bun off teh table and goe sback. "wow" she says "can you do that again?" He says "my c**k can but I don't think my arse can take another bun"
Three naked men in a sauna; an American, a Japanese and an Irish man. they heard a beeping sound. The AMerican touches his arm and says "that's my pager, I have a microchip under my skin." Next a phone rings and the Japnese lifts his palm to his ear hesays "I hace a mircochip in my hand." The Irishman feeling very low tech, went to the toilet and came back with toilet paper hanging from his arse. He says "jesus would you look at that I'm getting a fax"
The labour party have today changed their emblem from a rose to a condom as it more accurarely reflects the labour governments political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives you a sense of security while are actually being ********
Two Irish couples decided to spice up their sex life, so they decided to swap partners. Paddy says to Murphy "that was great, wonder how the girls got on?"
"Bloody hell!! Just met your double, no joke. I swear I thought it was you. I even shouted your name but it just carried on scratching its area and eating bananas"
An refugee is given a council house and goes out to find some English to thank for their generosity. Six hours lter he's back telling his neighbour he met people from 83 countries but not 1 Brit "oh you won't see any of them" says the Asian next door "those daft bastards will all be at work"
A man had 2 show his grey chest hair to prove he could get his pension. His wife said, "you should have shown your c**k, we could have got disability aswell
An eskimo was on holiday in wales. His car breaks down. A Welshman looks under the bonnet and says "you've blown a seal", the Eskimo replies, "so what, you ******** sheep"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
dancing with the devil
Community Member
|
dancing with the devil
Community Member
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 @ 08:10am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Funny Translations Spanish, Greek & German
Thanks to Enrique, Tony (tone_whitey@hotmail.com), Daniel, Ben, Spyker & Rach for suggesting these on my forum.
Spanish
Estoy aquí para divertirme y aburrirme -I'm here to have fun and to be boring/bored
Donde estará mi mente... in la calle con el almuerzo de la noche anterior, pendejo. Where's my mind...in the street with your lunch from last night, pisshead
Bésame el pito - Kiss my d**k
En caso de emergencia, actúa como idiota y corre a las salidas - In case of an emergency act like an idiot and run for the exits
El uso del internet favorece ell aislamiento... de verdad, supongo. - Use of the internet favours the isolated...it's true I suppose
¿Es eso legal? - Is it Legal?
Estaba así cuando llegué. - It was like that when I got here
NO fuí yo quien lo hizo. - I didn't do it
No fue mi auto/coche/carro quien recogió a esas putas. - It wasn't my car that picked up those prostitutes
No, no puedes ver mi licencia. - No you cannot see my licence
No creía en Dios hasta que lo ví en el espejo. -I never believed in god until i saw him in the mirror
Cómete mis pantaloncillos!!!!! EAT MY SHORTS!!!!!
Pensaba que la vida no podía empeorar hasta que te ví. I used to think that life couldn't get any worse until I saw you
Greek
Echo tria achithiyia - I have three testicles
Phonetically: eho dria ahith-i-yiabr
German
Duu bist ein kluggshieser - you are a smartarse
Duu bist ein häßlich Arschloch - you are an ugly a*****e
mein Luftkissungsfahzug ist voll von Aahlen - my hovercraft is full of eels.
Swedish
suk min kok - suck my c**k
sol kinna bita - literal translation: sun rabbit bites. Actually means: sunburn
Russian
chika mc chi - seagulls like tea
Italian
meien hovercraft ist pienta d'anguilla - my hovercraft is full of eels
Latin
Salve nautem - Hello sailor!
ego assinum vitupero - I blame the donkey
non caulis sum! etiam non echinus sum! - I am not a cabbage! also I am not a hedgehog!
numquam salix - Never a willow!
nemo Hispanic Inquisition expectat - Nobody expects the spanish inquisition
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
