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...to a character I found locked away in one of my sketchbooks.




...What do I think of you?

Why would you ask me that? Oh, well, nevermind. You really want to know?

Hmmm.
You're a nice person. I'll say that right off, because it's true. I know it, you know it, the little old lady down the street knows it, and even if you play yourself off as a badass, I'm sure everyone you meet knows it too. You're cool, too. I mean, look at you. This may sound shallow, but who dresses that way that isn't cool? And when you open your mouth to talk, you don't ruin it by being a total a**. You're still cool. Friendly, strong, nice... Attractive.

Hm? Oh, you're suprised by that last one? You shouldn't be. I don't know why you would be, since... Well, anyways.

...what do I think of you when you're not around?
Why would you care? I mean, you're not around.

...and what if I don't want to tell you?

...fine. You really want to know? Well, sit down, it's a long list.

Sometimes, I think of you, and I think of the fun things we did together, and the conversations we have, and the jokes, and the friends, and I think of you the same way as when you're right there. You're clever, attractive, charismatic, funny, and sometimes, you're even the center of my world. You're great with others, helpful, dramatic (oh, so, so dramatic), caring... loving...

...you want to know about the other times? Well, I'm not sure I want to tell you anymore.

...It'll just make you feel bad.

...

...just let it be!

...don't push it.

... stressed

Fine! Just, shut up. And don't even think of speaking until I'm done. You freaking asked for this.

Sometimes, I think about you, and I get so sad I can't even deal with it. I think of what we... what I somehow missed, and I feel so bad for you, so bad for what I
put you through, that I find it wondrous and scary that I can live with myself day by day. I feel so sad that you, you had to suffer, and I was to blame, that it makes me want to curl up and cry myself into oblivion. And this will manifest in the most unlikely places, leaving me alone, friendless, and undeserving, and I will hide, vowing never to be seen again, lest I cause someone else that kind of pain. But, like all things, these little fits pass, I regain control over my feelings, and remind myself that the past is past; for better or for worse, it is part of us. And, I can live with that.

Then, other times, I'll get so, infuriatingly, repulsively mad at you. I tug at my hair and stalk around my room, growling and panting, raving at you and what you did to me, perhaps, without even knowing or realizing. How you even denied me this, the right to rave blindly at you, throw myself at you, fists swinging, tears burning, mouth open in one long, rage filled cry of war. And it also comes with a sadness, but this one burns, brightly, and I find to my horror and pleasure that you are a wonderful person to hate, and some dark, sadistic part of me wishes evil things on you in the night, to make you suffer as I did, to visit such doubts on you as the ones that have plagued me before. And then the anger will cool, until it is an ice cold shield around my heart, hardened against anything people say or do to me.

...Just the other day, a friend asked me, if I could give one piece of advice on love, what would it be? And immediately, thinking of you, I replied, 'Truth. You should always be truthful about your feelings for another person.' And then, bitterly, I added, 'But don't assume they'll be truthful in return.'

You seem shocked. I'm not surprised. There's more to you than even you know, and I love you and hate you for it.

Yes, I still love you. But, don't be fooled. I won't fall for you again.

It's a Christmas miracle! We got a certificate for a new kitty, and we found two little darlings at the shelter! Sadly, the shelter said they wouldn't give us one without the other...
And so, they waived the fee on the second kitten! biggrin We now have two kittens coming home with us tomorrow! heart So, here are pictures of the new kitties, taken while in the "Bonding Room." We're taking name suggestions!

<a href="http://s19.photobucket.com/albums/b160/Kitsunescar/?action=view&current=PC260051-1.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b160/Kitsunescar/PC260051-1.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

<a href="http://s19.photobucket.com/albums/b160/Kitsunescar/?action=view&current=PC260045.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b160/Kitsunescar/PC260045.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

<a href="http://s19.photobucket.com/albums/b160/Kitsunescar/?action=view&current=PC260044.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b160/Kitsunescar/PC260044.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

<a href="http://s19.photobucket.com/albums/b160/Kitsunescar/?action=view&current=PC260037.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b160/Kitsunescar/PC260037.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

<a href="http://s19.photobucket.com/albums/b160/Kitsunescar/?action=view&current=PC260036.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b160/Kitsunescar/PC260036.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

And when we were putting them back into their cages after the bonding room, the white kitty got a little over zealous. I present, my arm.

<a href="http://s19.photobucket.com/albums/b160/Kitsunescar/?action=view&current=PC260053.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b160/Kitsunescar/PC260053.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

xd
As I said, we're taking name suggestions! biggrin

So, for English class, we had to crank out a few sentences or more that described a place and set a certain mood- generally a place we've been. Doesn't have to be real, but we have to have been there. I chose a real place, and this is what I cranked out.
One person complained that s/he didn't like the use of "you," because it hurt more. Which was good, since it obviously then established the mood.

We're a little late for this, but Krazy and I are posting pictures of our awesome costumes for the spirit days! ^_^ Here are mine for the first three days; go over to her journal to check hers out! ^_^

Gray-Scale Day!



Animal Day!



Holi-Day! (Personificating Halloween!)



We'll have more pictures up for the rest of the week as each day comes! ^_^ Go Gaia Spirit week! See ya'll later!

I just finished rereading Lives of the Monster Dogs, a novel by Kirsten Bakis. Her first novel, actually. I always meant to check up on her and see if she had written anything else, because Lives of the Monster Dogs was such an amazing story. It's about a young woman named Cleo, a New Yorker who's down on her luck, who, like the rest of New York, is entranced by the arrival of large, intellegent, English and German speaking dogs, who are endowed with artificial hands and voice boxes. Through a few chance encounters, and an article written about the Monster Dog's lavish Christmas parade, she is drawn into the inner circle of the Monster Dogs, and thus begins her discoveries of the Monster Dogs' past, her intwined encounters with them in the present, and the secret of journying into the future.

Her first encounter with the Monster Dogs is Ludwig von Sacher, a German Shepherd who is astonished by the resemblence between her and the mother of the creator of the Monster Dogs, Augustus Rank. He requests dinner with her, and once there explains the resemblence, and the importance he finds in recreating the Monster Dogs' deceased creator.

Rank had begun the creation of the Monster Dogs with the intention of building the perfect army. The project was never finished during his lifetime, but in his suicide note, he proclaimed that once his Army of Dogs was complete, his spirit would return to lead them in a glorious battle against their enemies. In the little reclusive town in Canada that the laboritories were located, this became almost sacred, and the entire town threw themselves into the task of creating the Monster Dogs.

But now, the town lies in ruins, and the Monster Dogs have taken up residence in New York City. Their charming lives seem like a magic woven straight out of a fairy tale, but as Cleo soon discovers, it is merely a curtain to a darker side of the Monster Dogs. Now she, along with Ludwig and Lydia, a Samoyd Cleo meets later, must face a madness that is beginning to consume the Monster Dogs. As the Monster Dogs begin a magnificently grand party, things begin to quickly unravel, and this enormous party may end with the curtains being closed on the Monster Dogs' existance.

This was, again, a fantastic book. No matter how many times I read it, I never tire of it. Every time, I figure out something new. In fact, this was my 5/6th time reading it, and I only now have understood what Ludwig trys to say near the end of the book, attempting to explain to Cleo the source of the madness so that she may escape the destruction of the Monster Dogs. Every time I read it, more and more elements of this miraculous fairy tale tie together. I love this book.

Meanwhile, my summer reading books, Purple Hibiscus and The Kite Runner, are not getting read. redface

Yeah, I said there would be fanfiction here, so here's the first one.
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh. Or any Linkin Park Songs.

A face inside

I know what I am.
And I’m not proud of it.
I’m afraid.
You should be too.

“Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here's not right today.”

Yugi invited me and my Yami over for a day. He said we were going on a trip. Something short, only a day long.
A day was too long.
We were planning on visiting different places, depending on where everyone wanted to go. Everyone wrote a place they wanted to go, then we drew from a hat to see where we’d go in what order. Here’s the list of people and the place they wanted to go, in the order we drew them.

Tea: Dance Studio
Marik and Ishizu: Egyptian exhibit
Me: Zoo
Duke, Yugi, and Pharaoh: Game shops
Joey and Tristan: Arcade
My Yami: Weapons shop

Mai decided not to pick a place, just hang out with us.
We left a little after 9:00. Joey and Tristan weren’t too happy about that. Especially when we reached Tea’s Dance Studio and everyone was expected to participate in the exercise. As for me, I didn’t like all the mirrors. They reflected our images indefinitely, wall against wall against wall.
It reminded me I exist.

“Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia's all I got left”

We stayed for almost an hour, before Joey and Tristan began to beg to leave before they broke something. We headed to the Egyptian exhibit, taking a bus. We got there around 10:15. Marik headed to an exhibit on Anubis. My Yami and I followed him, while everyone else went to look at the Pharaoh’s tablet.
“Big headed pharaoh.” My yami muttered under his breath. I smiled a little, but happiness only last a second. The entrance of the Anubis exhibit was guarded by a large statue of a man with a dog’s head. The eyes were made of two rubies, glittering maliciously as they watched us enter.
Reminded me of myself.

“I don't know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed
But I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head”

After everyone had their fill of Egyptology, we headed to the zoo. We paid admission, and walked around for a little. I had picked the zoo to remind myself of my humanity.
The result was just the opposite.
As I walked up to the cages, the animals stared at me. Straight in the eye. Knowing me, and trying to understand me. As we moved to the “sophisticated animal habitats,” I saw a panther stalking through the trees as it came closer to the protected path. I felt a pang of longing, replaced by a sudden hunger. I pushed those feelings away forcefully.

“It's like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall”

I closed my eyes, trying to regain my composure, compose my thoughts. Two red eyes stared at me. A face started to form around it. White fur, long, sharp teeth…
My eyes snapped open, jerking myself out of this self-constructed nightmare. Duke saw this and asked if I was alright. I said I’m fine.
Yeah right.


“So I know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me
Right underneath my skin”

As we walked out of the zoo, I felt the animals’ eyes on me. The face inside knew them, and they knew it. They didn’t know me though…
We headed to the game shop, first Duke’s then Yugi’s grandfather’s. We spent almost two hours dueling each other. Duke began to show off, playing all these new, unreleased cards against Yugi, Yami, and Joey. Yugi and Yami always won, and Joey and Duke were tied against each other. During the tie-breaker duel, Duke played a new card called “Night’s Call.” It calls all warriors and beast monsters from his hand to the field without sacrifice. When he played it, darkness fell over the duel station, and wild animals were heard snarling, growling, and howling. My heart jumped to my throat.


“It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head”

Next, we walked to the arcade. It was about 4:00 now, and nighttime was getting closer all the time. I knew the face inside me was laughing at my futile attempts to stall as long as possible. Its red eyes bored into my thoughts.
I didn’t know it wasn’t the only one staring at me.

“It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin”

I watched everyone else play games at first, until Duke challenged me to a pointless fighting game to prove his prowess to Joey. I accepted. We put our quarters into the machine and started playing, Joey staring over our shoulder. I lost the first round, then fighting instinct kicked in. I ended up winning with one loss and two perfects. Joey was laughing at Duke, so Duke told him to go up against me. We played again, and I soundly whipped him… twice. By that time, I realized I wasn’t the one fighting. I told them my fingers were sore to dissuade them from challenging me again. I couldn’t risk letting it loose again.

“I know I've got a face in me
Points out all my mistakes to me
You've got a face on the inside too and
Your paranoia's probably worse”

Next, we were at the weapons store for my Yami. I looked at the knives. Many of them had interesting scabbards and handles. Joey, Tristan and Duke were scaring the girls by stabbing each other with rubber knives. Yugi’s Yami was trying to keep Yugi from “corrupting his mind,” with this, “Bad example of solving problems.” My Yami was telling him to shut it, while at the same time looking through the guns. Finally, Yami Yugi had enough and decided we were leaving. My Yami told us to wait outside, and that he’d be right with us.

“I don't know what set me off first but I know what I can't stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can't add up to what you can but
Everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall”

We waited outside until my Yami came out, carrying a black bag. When asked what was in it by a suspicious Yami Yugi, he pulled out a pistol. It was shaped like a wolf head with its mouth slightly open where the bullets came out. I was admiring the craftsmanship of the item when I noticed that my Yami was staring at me out of the corner of his eye. I looked away.
We began to walk home, passing shops and restaurants as we went. Joey and Tristan begged to go to a fast food place, and finally we consented. We walked in, and I said I had to go to the bathroom. I locked myself in a stall and leaned against a wall. My eyes closed as I sank to the floor.
Faces began to flash through my mind. One for each of my friends. I saw the other face in me attack them. Ripping into them with its claws…
I shook my head violently to rid myself of the image. I stood and walked out of the stall. On my way out, I saw my reflection. Red eyes looked back at me. I did a double take, searching the mirror me’s eyes. Brown. They were definitely brown.


“So you know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is watching you too
Right inside my skin”

We got our food and began heading home. I didn’t get anything. I lost my appetite after I saw my Yami staring suspiciously at me.
It was almost dark. Colors were starting to paint the sky. I told everyone else that I had somewhere to go. They asked me where. The face inside howled with laughter as I lied to save them. I told them I needed to pick up some groceries. My Yami said he’d come. I told him he couldn’t. When he asked why, I couldn’t find an answer. They were all staring at me now.
And it was too late.

“The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me”

I watched in horror as the sun set, plunging the world into a black cloud. In that black cloud, one light shone through.
The moon.
My friends stared at me. I fell to all fours. Tea walked towards me, to try to help me, no doubt. I shouted at her to stay back. She looked surprised, but listened. My hands and feet bent and filled out into huge paws. My nails grew black and sharpened. My spine stretched, raising a long ridge down my back before exploding through my skin into a furless tail. My hair began to flow back, covering my body with long white fur.

“The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me”

My arms bent as the bones lengthened to accustom themselves to my new shape. All my friends were backing away now. Even my Yami.
My ears pointed, and then moved to the top of my head. I tried to stop the transformation. The face inside laughed as it began to change my face. My nose grew outward, covering in fur as it did. Ending as a long snout, I bared my new teeth; long, sharp, and made for killing.
I no longer had control over my body.

“It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin”

Now I was the face, watching as the beast used my body to search for prey. It cast its red eye over my friends, picking a target. We bounded towards Mai, a long howl emitting from the throat I couldn’t control. She started to run, but both of us knew she couldn’t escape. One of us was happy, the other horrified. We were almost upon her, when three loud bangs rang through the street.

“The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me”

A pain sang through our back as we tumbled to the ground in mid-jump. We staggered to our feet and turned to see who had shot us. My Yami stood, the wolf pistol pointed straight at me. Smoke emerged from the barrel. There were tears in his eyes. Very unusual…
I fell to the ground, and the face began to disappear from my mind, dying slowly and painfully. I was too. My body began to shift back, slower this time. Everyone ran to me.
My Yami held me in his arms, apologizing repeatedly as the tears streamed down his face. He dropped the gun, and silver bullets rolled out of the case. So he had known.
I was too weak to say anything, so I just gave them a small smile to reassure them. Death was better than being enslaved by that thing.

“It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin”

Hi! I'm Silver, and I'm new to Gaia. I hope to get around a lot and meet some new friends.

On a random note, I had a really funny thought yesterday. I have this habbit of running up and down the stairs at my house for no reason, and at the bottom of the steps is a window. Everytime I'm at the bottom of the steps, I look out the window and look around for about a minute. Once, my brother asked me who/what I was looking for. I said I didn't know. So yesterday, I was walking home in the rain, (We've had some awful flooding in the area for a few days now!) and I was stainding outside my house when this thought hit me. What if I had been looking for myself? Like that quote;
"I have gone to look for myself. If I return before I get back, keep me here."
So I was being kept here, and I was still out looking for myself, so I'm watching and hoping I'll return, and don't notice myself standing out in the rain.
I thought it was funny. rofl