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Note to self: "Barely there blog" may have noticed its name...

(I think that phrase meant "hair dye in colors not found in human nature" back in the day...)

Today, "Manic Panic" means I'm having a day where my illness tries to seduce me.

It's almost 5:30 at night and I haven't slept since 1:00 this morning.

I've missed watching the sun rise.

It's not gone yet... the feeling that all is, or at least can become, right with the world.

I said the illness was seductive, no?

Honestly, I don't mind this part so much.

The depression, the darkness, the thoughts that maybe I need to make room for a worthwhile human being... that is excruciating.

I liked it better when I didn't know what it could represent.

(Oh, well. I'm gonna enjoy whatever's left of this... as responsibly as I can. I've already had some possible errors, but I can try not to make any more.)

Okay, so, I've been in Social Security for long enough that I am technically enrolled in Medicare.

Those of you who can see my birthday know I'm a bit younger than 65... try a little over 40 years' age gap.

I hate being tied financially to politicians' interpretations of things they presumably have not dealt with to the extent I have.

Anyway, I am in the process of filling out an application this week.

I am so scared that I might not be ready to work, but I have to say, it's my dream job...

I stand a reasonable/non-zero chance. I have done this work on a volunteer basis for the same people I'd work with if I were to be successful at getting hired. I just don't want to make more than I'm allowed until I feel more confident that I will be able to sustain the (probable) additional level of responsibility/accountability.

sweatdrop

Wish me luck, please, and any other potentially helpful characteristics!

take a lot more time than I have... scream

Oh crap, I just realized that I am singing the US national anthem for the boy scouts and their families and possibly some dignitaries... down in the next county wherein I resided for the first half of my life (at time of writing, I'm 23) and it's in less than 2 weeks and I don't feel ready at all................


I just don't wanna disappoint, especially if the other girl quits on me like I secretly hope she'll do. crying

Am I a bad person? TOO MUCH PRESSURE!!!!!!!!!!!!! (head 'splodes)

j/k. I still have to do it. sweatdrop