lol not sure what I want to write. Maybe just random s**t..maybe not... I'm rambling. Life's been pretty damn hard recently. I'm trying to think of all the right things to do...but they really aren't all that obvious. I've gone through a lot but I'm still unsure of what to do. It's not that I don't know what are good choices and what are bad. It's that I don't know what's going to work for now and what's not. I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of. I've done drugs. I became addicted to herion luckly I broke that addiction. I've tooken up drinking and broke that addiction as well. I've been arested for fighting in a puplic place though out of all I've done that was probally the only one that had a good reason. I've had sex and that is probally what started it all. She died and I couldn't deal so I started s**t that wasn't good for me. I've had experiances that tested my very moral and goals. My father was killed. My brother has become suicidal many times. My mother has gone through two pregancies and produced 2 sets of twins in less than a year. My friend has been dealing with things I wish I could protect her from. I wish there was a way i could i really do. My girlfriend has also been going through things I wish I could protect her from. Though I can't seem to protect anyone let alone comfort them..The latest thing I've been going through is probally the hardest. I had gotton back from work only to catch my mother drunk. SHe's been taking things hard since my dad died. She started in on me. I knew she was drunk so I never argued back. Than she starts hitting me. My mom never believed in hitting. So it was a shock. I left the house and didn't come back for 2 days. I got a lip ring just to piss off my mom. I'm not sure what that was about. but I guess I got angery at her for not being stronger. For giving up so i probally made a stupid dision. Well I know i did. Kou probally made the worst one. He decided since mom had got on his case that he was going to get himself a tatoo. Mom never aproved of tatoos and periceings. that's why we did what se did. Anyway he decides to get on on his back. When I went to his k mart. That's where he works. I found out that he got one. I was thinking something small but he got the base of his neck to his sholders tatooed. That was enough to piss off mom. She decided drunk once again to through us out of the house. So kou and I left again and headed up to cut bank. We left after our mom sobered up and called for us. When we got back she started to brake down saying how she was sorry she couldn't deal with it all. We told her not to worry and stuff and than decided that we'd move out if things didn't improve. I mean mom has two girls going through collage two high school boys that have done everything that they shouldn't do. Such as drugs,alchol, smoking, tatoos, peircings, sex, getting stds, gettign sucidal, almost getting girls pregnat. We were probally what caused her to drink. Oh lets not forget the recent eating disorder Kou went through. I mean what mother should go through that. one of her older daughters turns out to be gay. the other turns out to be bisexual. Her oldest son. being me turns out unable to have children ever. Her other son goes through way more than anyone else. Her 13 year old daughter becomes a smoker. her 13 year old son gets a girl pregnat. Her nefew is going to be liveing with her. Her todlers are clinging to her. and her baby girls are constantly crying. SHe has no one else to raise them or any time to date. So i feel sorry for her you know? THere's nothing I can do as her son. I want to help but the only thing I can do is put my pay check twords the bills. Even than that's not helping her to put two girls through collage and save up for her sons collages. Kou's giving half his pay check to her and splitting the other half between us and the rest of the family so that we can afford to buy things. It's crazy and there's nothing I can really do but let things happen they way they will you know? Guess i'm done boring you now.
shattered_soul_and_dreams Community Member 
|
|
