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A beginning: Life is like a rollercoster |
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I want to tell you a story of a girl named Sanskriti. The words I write are wrapped in her sweet memories. She’s no different from you and me really, but her life is an adventure of its own. Born in India and brought up in England, this tale sketches her mind upon paper.
Welcome to her diary.
It’s been a rollercoaster ride from the moment I understood what that meant; this life of mine. When there were ups, they were so high that I couldn’t find the time to breathe within all my happiness, but when there were downs I silently wept away within my misery. I suppose that’s the beauty of life, this wonderful turmoil of emotions that swirl in the pit of your stomach. But I don’t want to start a rant rant.
Today has been a day which makes you realise that you’re a teenager. Sometimes I feel like a victim, not of bullying, definitely not. I suppose I feel a victim of myself simply because I just don’t have the courage of confrontation. I have these friends; Jessica and Iman. I love them and I know they love me. That’s why there’s a friendship. They can be really funny you know, putting in little funny remarks during conversations and I laugh. Sometimes though, they cross the line a little. I think it may be their own insecurities that they suddenly start to put people down, and you know the worst thing of all, we all still laugh along. I guess sometimes we laugh at others because we are ignorant of their feelings. No one realises that pain until they are the one that is being laughed at.
So, take me. I am that goofy one, stumbling into conversations and just not being able to put two and two together. An easy target is one which is a little confused. I’m easily confused, so in that sense I am an easy target. I feel a little idiotic sometimes. Put down. But you see, they laugh it off and say “we love you really” and sometimes it just seems so hollow.
Do you know what I mean? I know I’m not the only one who feels that sarcastic comments can be a little painful and when it’s you sat in the hot seat those comments start to sting a little, like when you get caught on nettles and there’s a light throbbing pain. Just a small tingling and then it’s gone.
But today I confess that these little repetitive jabs hurt. Yeah, they come again and again and it hurts the more they say it. I don’t call it bullying because it goes around the group, one person is never always the victim, but sometimes I feel that the bottles points at me a little too often. I can be a sensitive little flame sometimes, one small blow can completely shake me so much that it takes a while to regain my footing and start to flicker continuously again.
Today has been like that. Everything was fine, but I stumbled a little and from there I just couldn’t regain my balance, but I didn’t tumble over, I just kept on tumbling all over myself, just trying to steady myself. Trying so hard, but today I failed because I feel a little broken inside.
You understand that feeling right? Or is it just me?
Her entry for today ends here. It sounds a little painful and a little damaged but she’ll heal.
 Satik-India · Tue Feb 19, 2008 @ 07:16pm · 0 Comments |
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