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Suburban Myths
Anton from the book The Realm of Possibility
There was this woman in Urbana who loved to eat so much that it became her life. The neighbors stopped seeing her. All they would see was a never-ending parade of takeout deliverymen--pizza boys and Chinese box holders and the girls from El Taco Grande who swore the woman left more money for tips that anyone else. They never saw her, though. This went on for years. She left twenties under the front mat and bribed boys from McDonald’s to take their breaks delivering her cartons of super size fries, super size sodas, super size burgers. Eventually, this one kid John and his friends decided to break in and scare her. But she got them instead, because they found her dead in the kitchen, weighing nearly as much as the bed she’d moved in there just so she could be close to all the things
She loved.
There was this one girl from Springfield who was asked to the prom by a guy who really, really hated her. He did it on a dare, and the girl was unaware of it. She used all her money to buy a dress and a flower for his jacket. The dress was as white as a cloud in a dream and the flower was a red rose. She waited on prom night for him to pick her up. Instead he and his friends drove by over and over while she waited on the curb, holding the rose in her hand. Her dress billowed in the wind and sucked up all the dirt from the tires as the boys called her a ferret and honked so all the neighbors would see. She couldn’t take it and the next time they drove by she jumped out in front. She went crashing through the windshield and her dress fanned out in the impact, suffocating them all. The rose
Was not
Damaged.
The town of North Orange is still recovering from the day the students came to biology class and found their teacher lying on a table, his chest cut open, his body dripping with formaldehyde. The window was open and all the frog tanks were
Empty.
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