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Weapon 4-3: Stuffed Beastie Doll (Magical, Pandemonium-forged, multi-function, reality-warping, LIVING weapon artifact)
These Not-Quite-Hell-Forged weapons are created not by demons or devils, but by the deranged fiends of Pandemonium. Using the force of their wills alone, they shape deceptively soft, puffy dolls, and imbue them with magic. The dolls are then given a few finishing touches by Pandemonium's whimful energies, and assume their final shape; they resemble some form of humanoid beast, a bit cute and a bit scary, soft and puffy to the touch, and, in fact, alive. Now and then, Rhazae will poke or make a feint at the doll as he holds it, and it will stir, perhaps making a sound. It can even speak, with a normally dark, bestial and, now and then, over-actedly crazy voice. You attack by pressing its belly button gem to set the color, then either squeezing its belly or wiggling its fangs (in the latter case removing your fingers quickly afterwards), while keeping it pointed at the enemy (and trying not to look, more than likely). Projectiles generally come out of its mouth. When not in use, the doll is often turned towards you so you can see it better. The continuous states, such as playing music, can be stopped with a tap on the creature’s head.

Combinations:

Yellow + Tummy
Effect: Fire a small leak in time forward. (if the animators complain, they can just draw some of those gooey watches from "that" surrealist painting, instead) Slows enemies down for a while if it hits.
Noise: Click clock click clock click clock (sound, not words)... (opens mouth) Woaowaououww...
Yellow + Fangs
Effect: The doll spits at enemies. Medium range, no damage, but it will annoy most living foes into attacking recklessly and inaccurately. Especially if it hits them in the face.
Noise: (hawking a loogie) Phthoo!!

Red + Tummy
Effect: The doll tosses its cookies (e.g. throws up). No, that’s not very useful, but it can in fact stall an enemy for a little while as they recoil in disgust… assuming the rather short-ranged barf actually hits them.
Noise: Bleeauurgghh!
Red + Fangs
Effect: Fire a bouncy, ticking, exploding, cherry-shaped cherry bomb with a 3-second fuse. 25 damage, small area of effect.
Noise: Biblubliblublibl (the mocking sound of flicking your finger across your lips while making a basic noise, with animation to match), Phoommp! (sound of spitting a cherry)

Green + Tummy
Effect: Fire a lime green ray of acidic light that melts through enemies in its way. The ray plays over anything the doll is pointed at for three seconds at a time. 37 damage per second, and the beam can strike a line of enemies.
Noise: (exceptionally jovial voice) Jing-jing, Plang! (opens mouth) UuuueeeeEEEEEEE!!
Green + Fangs
Effect: Fire a lime (fruit). Does 4 fruit-elemental damage, and may blind enemies for a few seconds if it hits them in the face. Splatters fruit bits over an area of effect.
Noise: (blabber) Dibdibdib (swooshes spittle around in mouth) Phtoooo!! (sound of spitting a lime)

Purple + Tummy
Effect: Hold down the trigger to fire a continuous sonic barrage of hypnotic disco music that makes most human, demon, devil and even some mutant and robot enemies stop fighting and dance instead, putting away their weapons for the moment. Rhazae and Cassandra will start grooving it too, after a while, though the doll will remain in Rhazae's hand and active until he stops it.
Noise: Woo-Woo! Let's.. git.. daaown!! (snaps fingers a few times and starts playing music out of the depths of its mouth)
Purple + Fangs
Effect: Fire a noise (or perhaps several noises) so weird, it'll turn anyone who hears it temporarily insane, randomly running in circles, jumping up and down, shooting wildly, throwing up or whatever. The bad news: neither Rhazae nor Cassandra brought earplugs...
Noise: (clears throat like a pompous tenor)... (starts emitting noise)

Orange + Tummy
Effect: Fire a large orange (fruit). Does 4 fruit-elemental damage, but also splatters enemies over a large area with squishy fruit. Like the lime, the citrus juice may blind enemies if it hits them in the face.
Noise: (Arnold Schwarzenegger voice) Eat orange! It is good for you! Phtoooo!!! (sound of spitting an orange)
Orange + Fangs
Effect: Fire a wide, swirling helix of fire which dissippates after a medium distance but causes 46 damage to things it hits before that. Travels in a line, and may pass through enemies.
Noise: (dire voice) Zibidaby, Pong, Vlisk! (opens mouth, flaming sound) Br-zoi!!

Note: The is one of the two weapons that cannot be given to Cassandra.
If you try, she'll say "Ehh... you keep it, Rhazae..." and throw it back at you.

Primary fire: Squeeze the doll's tummy.
Alternate fire: Stroke the doll's fangs.
Weapon mode switch effect: Switch the doll's mode indicator light (a little glowing gem set in the doll's belly button)'s color between yellow, red, green, purple and orange by poking it with your finger.
Range: Varies
Speed: Varies
Damage: Varies
Damage type: Varies
Recoil: Varies; generally weak or none
Clip size: Endless.
Maximum ammo carrying capacity: Some Pandemonial power source of god-knows-what kind, providing endless wacky energy.
Comment when acquired: Awww, isn't that cute... (pokes lightly, apprehensively at it)
Although it's kinda creepy too... (doll stirs, says "Hello!!" wink WAAAH!! It's aLIVE!?!
Special: Can't be given to Cassandra.
First acquired: Chapter 15