|
Joeykinns/Jason/Stephanie/Stephanie. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
`Joeykinns.
My best friend in the universe.
He's slipping away, into a place he described so vividly in another situation quite like this. He's gone to a place where no one can pull him out, not me...not anyone.
I love him to death. He's more than my best friend, hes more than a brother to me.
He is my soul mate. Whether he likes it or not. I would put him before myself on any occasion. _sigh_ Is that normal?
Jason
A somewhat insignificant part of my life right now.
My boyfriend. Someone whom you're supposed to love and care for. Well, I don't love him anymore. I think I'm still with him because of pity and in fear of what he will do without me. I am his reason for waking up in the morning. and if he's pissed off, I don't know what he'll do. I'm scared to break it off, even though I so desperately want too. I'm just tired of it. I'm not me anymore, and I don't like what I've become. Six months this friday, and almost nothing is the same.
Sure I look the same on the outside, I can still smile and pretend everythings fine. But...I don't want to anymore. I want everything to be fine, the way it was before when Stephanie was my sunshine, and when I was hers. When nothing could come between us. Back in the days when we were inseperable and we liked it that way. In the almost perfect days. In the days where I wouldn't trade her for anything. In the days where she cared.
Stephanie.
I miss her. More than I like to admit. I read her profile a while back and it brought me to tears. She said she would most likely explode without me. & its not true.
Makes me think she never did care. makes me think anytime she called me her best friend, she lied. Lied to my face, just like her lying basted of a cousin; Jason.
Stephanie...Me.
I'm not me anymore like I've said. I can't do what I want...I can't speak whats on my mind. I'm limited I've become this... caged creature that is something completely opposite of who I used to be. I used to be, so much happier now that I think back. I thought I was depressed just because some pissant Chris didn't love me. But I miss those days. I miss the days of being unwanted by someone you love with all your heart. Maybe I don't love anymore... Maybe I just fall into a pit of lust every once in a while. and the sometimes...sometimes. I realize. That its not true. That nothings true anymore....
When nothings the same.
Nothing.
 Save Your Scissors · Thu May 03, 2007 @ 03:51am · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
Gaia and it's sudden Downfall. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
I have yet to reach my First Gaianaversary, and I think I've had enough gaia. Don't get me wrong, Gaia is like my home. without it, I'd
Sit around on my fat a**, and expire. but...It just doesn't give me that thrill anymore...
ALOT of my friends who I've met on here, have stopped talking to me, or quit Gaia.
and It leads me to think I too should quit. I no longer have fun, and I can't stand
being bitched at by newbs/n00bs who waltz in here, thinking they're all great, begging for gold, being snobby and rude to those who've been on here much longer. I can't take all this Bullshit anymore.
Gaia has reached a huge downfall. Everything is infested with spam, and
assholes who think they own the place, Just because they own a pair of Flame shoes,
and a Starter set?!
All these New features, are s**t. ALL Friendslist PMing. >.> Bullshit. I'm fed up
with getting Chainletters, and Announcements about people whom I don't give two shits about. Gaia will be a memory, and thats mostly it.
Too all of those who've stuck in there, I saulte you. But i don't think I can do it any more.
I shall come on, when I want, this is not my "I quit" letter, this is just me expressing
my opinion about Gaia. I will moniter GFG, check the new donation items, check on my friends, and come on for event items. (if) or when I do decide to come back,
I will have accumulated a buncha pixels that I will be proud of, so, before you even BEGIN to ask, No, You may not have my items.
Thank You for reading.
SYS out.
Save Your Scissors · Mon Oct 09, 2006 @ 05:27pm · 7 Comments |
|
|
|
|
Wall of Text Rant About Today. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Andrew is Friends with Ryan Gilmore, meaning, hes probably on his hockey team, meaning, I have no chance what so ever with him. Today there was this Assembly thing, in the Cafe, and like. All the grade 9s were there, and I saw Kyle...and I'm like omgz. I dont ******** get this....I Lust Him.... Still.....and I'm like wtf....He just sat there....Like everyone else, Bored out of his ******** mind..and I just watched him. Creepy no? Anyways....And I realized...He doesnt love/lust me...Its not me, and it never was...and I was just pissed off at myself because Im always doing things like this to me, and Like...Stephy Pee wasnt there at lunch, so I was sad, Because I love hanging out with her. and then during Science...I also Realized how much of a d**k Christopher is. I Mean, Hes so Mean to me...after everything I went through with him. HES mean to me... What the ******** did I do to him?! Then Kaitin Saxson started pissing me off, because shes so ******** annoying, and she
never stops, and I just couldnt take it anymore. and then I had to walk home with her, Ceara, Zack, Leane, Kennith, and Katelyn... I ******** Walked like, 10 feet in front of them, listening to my MP3 Player...Turning it up and up and up, drowning out my problems while trying not to cry. and then...Kyle called me Emo, and Just...Because of how I dress. I mean, he doesn't even ******** know me, and he calls me emo, So I'm like. "Your Mothers Emo" And Hes like "k dont even ******** talk about my mother, Im not even JOKING" and I'm like " rolleyes Fine" Spaz Much? and like... Everyone was just spazzing today, and like..so uptight, and Ryan hes like " BLOW ME" and Uhg, and Like...Whatelse...I went up to Denzell this morning and I pinned him against the wall, and Im like WHO THE ******** TOLD YOU THAT!?! and Hes like, I cant tell you I cant Tell you and I was like ******** Tell me RIGHT NOW! And hes like I made it up I made it up. and That wasnt a good start to the day... and Like...after Kyle spazed at me...It hit me.... Hes Changed...So ******** Much, hes not even the same...and Just..I cant stand him.Yet....Im so drawn to Him.....Hes got this god damn hold on me, and he doesnt even realize it....I dont know what I should do....I need...I need to find someone else...The Guys I've talked to lately. They've ******** stopped talking to me, Like ----, he stopped, and -----, he stopped.. <//3 I feel so god damn Pathetic and Un-needed, and Woah I am ******** Emo...
Save Your Scissors · Mon Sep 11, 2006 @ 11:34pm · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
We had Orientation today at my High School.
I'm quite pumped about it now actually, now that I know I wont be lost.
Er...well Completely.
My courses are kinda lame for the first Semester,
but Second are going to be Funn.
First Semester;
Math,French, Science, Business.
I have some classes with people I know^^
Second Semester;
Gym, Drama, Math, Geography.
I have Gym with my friend Kimm. and Drama with my friend Sarah^^
Anyways, the schools kinda scary, and big and ugly. ><
But, Right now I'm not even woried about it too much,
I'm more worried about things with my ex. lmfao, it never ends.
Like, today, he was giving me these dirty looks, and I just wanted to shout at him
"HELLO! YOU BROKE UP WITH ME! WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME DIRTY LOOKS! YOU
HAVE ANOTHER GIRLFRIEND, SO ******** OFF!"
But^^ I didn't because I'm Better than that.
I just, don't want to have to avoid him, and I feel bad because
tones of my friends hate him now, because of what he did and whatnot.
_shrugs_
Save Your Scissors · Wed Aug 30, 2006 @ 08:03pm · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Alrights, Let me break this down for ya'.
Last wednesday, Kyle broke up with me, and I was really really happy.
Even though I didn't know what his reason was, I was still really happy.
I wasn't happy, and I don't think he was either. So, it was better for both of us.
But, the way Kyle broke up with me...Was..well, Pathetic.
Completly Pathetic.
I was going to break up with him anyways as soon as I talked to him.
Because I mean, He was ignoring me... Full Blown out..Ignoring me.
Like Who the ******** does that?!? We're not 5 anymore.
We're 14. Like....Seriously.
So, He signed online (on MSN, I tired calling him, but my phone wouldn't let me)
--
Me: Do you honestly hate me that much to the point of ignorance?
-5 minutes later-
Kyle: ITS OVER!!!
Me: Well Duh rolleyes
Kyle: thank god
Me: Well, uh It's not my fault.
--
That was it, he didn't say anything else.
How ******** pathetic can you get..?
Anyways, Today, August 16th, my Friend +Rubber.Bubble+ Talked to Kyle on MSN, this being the First time he signed on since last week.
--
Her:
You're bald?
Kyle:
no...
Her:
Well, You said your hair is gone.
Kyle:
im not bald! i shaved my head!
Her:
Are you ******** for real?
Kyle:
yes...
Her:
Why?
Kyle:
because my gf told me to
Her:
eeedeeot. smart move. Good job.
Her:
But. Shame on you for getting another gf so soon. D:
Kyle:
o well
Kyle:
shes hot....!
Her:
O RLY?
Kyle:
ya....
Kyle:
stephainie was to stiff
Her:
No she wasnt.
Kyle:
hahah
Her:
What do you expect when everytime you guys were together, people were around?
Her:
And when she tried to see you, you ignored her. D: <
Kyle:
ya.... so
Her:
What do you mean so?
Her:
So dont ******** call her stiff.
Kyle:
well i dont really care she was the stiffest girl i ever went out with
Her:
idiot.
Her:
What? Did you expect her to shove her hand down your pants everytime she saw you?
Kyle:
no.... not her hand eww thats disgusting and she is my uncle thought u guys were to just ewww.
Her:
Hahaha. So what?
Kyle:
and thats not the only thing to
Kyle:
it was the hole thing because of my arm
Her:
?
Her:
what does your arm have to do with it?
Kyle:
umm i dident want to c my gf with a broken arm........]
Her:
Eeedeot. Why not?
Kyle:
omg its a guy thing....
Her:
If it is you wouldnt know about it. D: <
Her:
So Haw.
Kyle:
lol not funny. im not a transvestite like u.....
Her:
Do oyu even know what transvestite is?
Her:
*you
Kyle:
yes...
Her:
What is it then?
Kyle:
girl with a p***s
Her:
HA. NO.
Her:
THAT's TRANSEXUAL.
--
H'okay peoples. For the Record.... I NEVER EVER SAID I WOULDN'T DO ANYTHING WITH HIM! AND IF HE BOTHERED TALKING TO ME HE'D KNOW THAT! LYKE ********.
rolleyes How Dare he make those assumptions about me mad
Why I bothered Even going out with him, I don't know... and rofl Kyle, Your Whipped by your "hot girlfried". And that you don't know what a Transvestite is.
--
Kay, So the Point of this Journal was to vent. I'm pissed off at the fact he
can say something like that, when clearly he doesn't know anything for a fact.
I already vented a tiny bit on my friend Chantal, which by the way, she
dislikes him very much now, and not just because of this..But because of who he is.
--
Now, I don't hate him. and I won't, He didn't break me, rolleyes tha'd be giving him too much credit lol . I don't want to have to be one of those people who holds
a grudge over someones head, just because they broke up.
That's just so not me.
So, I'm going to talk to him...er...eventually, and just say,
Look, am I supposed to Pretend I hate you now?Er what?
Do you want me to pretend you don't exsist, because if thats what you want.
then Fine, I have no idea who you are. But, if you really do want me to do that.
You're just as pathetic as I thought you were.
So *sigh of releaf* I've vented.
Now this can go into Lawl! Buttsecks, and no one
will ever have to read it, since no one ever does.
:3
Save Your Scissors · Wed Aug 16, 2006 @ 09:42pm · 4 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Everything has been going...
Horribly wrong.
and when I say everything, I really mean Everything.
Last Week,(Monday) My Friends, Stephy P,Sarah,Michael and I, snuck out at
12:30AM and didnt come home until 2AM.
Well, turns out, my mother was looking for us.
So I got in s**t..Lots of s**t.
She found out that I didn't like her, and made me tell her why.
I told her, shes a horrible person, and that I didn't want to talk about it.
Well, She said If i didn't, and I dont like her, I might as well get the ******** out of her house. The she left.
Now, she nor my father dont trust me...
So, I'm pretty well alone at my house...
I'm not allowed to do much. Sit,read,watch tv. thats about it..
Computers supposed to be taken away, but...I refuse to disconnect it.
If I sat down and thought about the REAL friends I have...well...
I'd only think of 2. Sam, and Jesus...
All the rest...I don't trust, for many reasons.
Or, Don't give two shits about me.
Sam and Jesus, are constantly busy.
I hardly get to talk to them...
So again, I'm alone...
Kyle, whos my boyfriend...Well, we have nothing.
Abso-friggin-nothing.
So, again...I'm alone.
Every single person around me..Doesnt care anymore.
Nor do I.
This isnt who I'm used to being. I've Never Ever felt more alone in my life.
To be truthful. I've been having Suicidal thoughts for the past week.
I wish to longer exsist. Escape the world, Or at least whats left of it anyways...
I know I won't do it... But the thoughts are so tempting.
Besides, I don't have the balls to do that.
So, until I do, or die from Spontanious Combustian...
I'll be stuck here, in my room, alone.
Save Your Scissors · Mon Jul 24, 2006 @ 01:54am · 1 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
♥ !Donators! ♥
floofy.kitten-1ooo Gold!
striker nightmare - Nitemare Collar!
ALostCause - Fishnet Stockings!
KitsuneKit17- 10g o.O
Wine-lo-wich-50g!
Lisa Mildmay-50g!
MaronaPossessed-100g!
KoolAid Hotaru-100g!
Katpat92-200g!
Honeysuckle-100g!
Public Flogging-200g !
RikkuHern-100g!
Ninja_Daisy-100g!
DevilsNestKimblee - 100g!
Piper Kazumaru - 200g!
Your Emo Princess - 1oog!
Anime_Pink22- 100g!
OtakuEmi- 100g!
Zodiac Shepherd - 400g!
Kratos459 - 100g!
Gilgamesh666 - Emo Glasses!
livingluigi - 150g!
Izzi Sayuri - Single Pink Carnation!
((ALL The People who Donated Cans!E& wink )
nickorfreddy15 - 50g!
Hamstertastic- Pink Ribbon Skirt!
Checkered_Stripes-Roco Rochel Costume Earrings!
Katpart92-Peasant Booties! xD
R0nald McF0ndled- 10K O.o ♥
Milo the Mouse-Purple Pimpin' Cane! ♥
livingluigi- Purple Pimpin' Cane! ♥
Unlit_Scilence- 50K! O.O ♥♥♥
Milo The Mouse- Black Streaked Jeans! ♥
Kitsune Blair. - Gray Peasant's Top!
Nitemare From Your Dreams- Doll Ears+1700gold &33
Elzic- KoNfUzEd rAiNbOw ToE SoX
Imp`-Bear PJs, Staff of Angels, 23K. o.o <3333333
♥♥♥
Save Your Scissors · Sun Jun 11, 2006 @ 03:18am · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
Oh Noes, an Emo Problem... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
I yelled at him today.
It wasnt his fault.
He wasnt the reason, I was getting in s**t.
But, I yelled at him.
I saw the way he didn't believe me.
I knew He thought I was Lying.
It Won't be the same, He's mad.
Not only is he mad, but the other thing is too.
I didn't do anything, I dont know what that a*****e is accusing me of.
I didn't even say s**t about him.
So now just because of an Immature Lying a*****e...
Two Friendships are ruined.
One I wish that would be more, One that I didn't really care about.
What the Hell did I do to make him so furious.
What could that a*****e could've said.
I've never seen him so mad at me before.
You could see the rage building up in his eyes.
How he probably wanted to strike me right there...
He wasn't the only one Angry.
I was too.
and then The Innocent Bystander,
The only one I love...
Just stood there.
Acting more diaspointed than anything.
There wasnt anything I could do, I was just so helpless...
Sitting there, on the concrete.
Infront of my friends...
Yelling at the Boy I love.
Why Didn't I just walk away.
Tell them to ******** off, and leave me alone.
But No, I sat there.
Like I always do.
Me Being Stupid...Just accept the hatered...
I should have walked away.
Then Maybe I could have cried a bit.
But, No...I sat..and didnt move...
I've ruined everything now.
That Boy is dissapointed now.
He wont look at me the same way.
Becuase I just had to be a stupid b***h.
I've dissapointed myself.
Because, I Think, Everything I've Ever Wanted...
Won't ever come true....
May 26
He talked to me again today..
Different this time.
Happy, Even though he was forced...
I ignored him.
No matter how badly I wanted to tell him how i felt.
I just sat there again.
I wanted to get up and hug him and not let go,
but I didn't.
I was about to cry again too.
Just another Bad day...
Save Your Scissors · Thu May 25, 2006 @ 08:54pm · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
Awesome Avi's I've created |
|
|
|
|
|
