<center>[Characters]</center>
Radio Dude - Black
Doc = Indigo
Church = Gray
Tucker = Cyan
Grif = Orange
Sarge = Red
Donut = Violet
Simmons = Dark Red
-Static-
Hello, dude? Come in. Docter dude, are you there, hello? Paging Docter Dude to the radio, stat! I need 20 CCs of what the hell's going on there, Dude.
*groan* What happened?
Hey! You tell me, dude. One minute we're talking about a hole in the wall, the next thing I know, you turn into Grumps McGurt. Sounded like you needed a lozenge. Threatened to eat my children. Not very cool, dude.
Hey, did I really? I'm sorry. Something went wrong with my radio and I heard this weird beeping...
Hey, no offense taken, dude. Don't got no kids anyway.
What?
*indescernable, staticy* If you know what I mean.
I don't wanna hear about that.
Winky Blinky, the One Eyed Sergeant's firing blanks.
That's weird.
If you get me.
Look...
Mia condios to the vas deferens.
Yeah, alright, enough. I get you.
I need a visectomy, dude.
Look, I found something really weird here on Blood Gulch Post Alpha.
Roger that, what did you find?
It's, it's like a... It's like a thing.
It's like a thing? Okay, dude. Thank you for the update. I'll be sure to elect a cheif of staff.
Sorry...
Move to Death Con One.
I'm still a little dazed. It's a big thing. It's, it's purple. It's a, it's a big purple thing.
Use your words, dude.
Look, I dunno. It looks like some kind of alien artifact. Did the aliens have, like, a home base, or something, here?
I dunno, dude. Why don't I just consult my extraterrestrial travel guide for ya'? Oh look! They've got a great series of alien *unintelligible* there! Lucky you!
Nevermind. I'll just figure it out myself.
Nothin' about big purple things, though. Maybe it's some kind of alien vehicle.
-Radio clicks off-
Man, that guy is such a jerk! The next time he talks to me like that, I'm gonna tell him to go straight to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks! Aw, I really ahouldn't talk like that, it's not very nice. If I ever met him, I'm taking his eyes as souvegniers! Woah! That was unlike me! I must be stressed out! Time for yoga!
---
-At the Blue Base-
How's Sheila doin'?
I'm not gonna lie. It's not lookin' pretty. She may have, twisted her diferential... Possibly some structural damage... Could be a disk.
You have absolutly no idea what you're talking about.
Yea-no. Not a clue.
What about Tex? Any sign a' her?
Nope. No Tex. Is it unusual for her to disappear like that?
When we were dating, she would sneak off all the time. But it was usually to sleep with other guys... or ta spend money that she'd taken outta my wallet. I don't have any money, and, well, no offense to you, Tucker, but...
You're a d**k.
---
-At the Red Base-
*moaning*
Grif, don't try to move too much. You've been through quite the ordeal.
Oh, man. Where am I?
Hush now, shhhh... It was really touch and go there, for a while, good buddy, but I did it. I pulled you through.
How long was I out?
Don't you worry. Nurse Donut, here, stayed by your side the whole time. Strokin' your hand and keepin' ya company.
Oh, my right hand?
Your left.
Ugh. Note to self: Cut off left hand!
Technically speaking, it's not really your left hand.
Say what!?
I had to replace certain body parts that were severely damaged when the tank ran you over. And a few that atropied from a life time diet of Ho-Hos and Bacon Flavored Marshmellows.
Wait, which body parts?
Well, let's see... We had to start with the shoulder, then we moved on down to the flank.
Huh?
Yeah, we really couldn't find an anatomy book, but we found one of those pictures of the cow with dotted lines all over it...
And then down to the spare rib... Came on over to the porterhouse...
I think it did the trick...
And, of course, the brisket!-
Wait-
And the hindparts-
Wait! Where did you get the replacement parts?
Why, from our other subject, of course!
Subject, my cyborg a**!
No way!
Yeah, I'm real happy about this myself, numb-nuts.
Yeup, those, too.
Do I get your lips?
Pararie Oyster...
Maybe then I'll finally figure out how to kiss Sarge's a**!
And the a**!
What the hell!?
Aw, Seabit...
What didn't I get?
We pretty much replaced all the internal organs. And some of the more disgusting external ones. Except for Simmons' Spleen, which will be inflated and used for recreation and esprit de corps.
This doesn't seem physically possible.
Nonsense! Modern technology makes anything possible! It was as easy as shake 'n bake!
And I helped!
Actually, Donut, I don't really know if snickering in the corner all night like a prepubescent monkey actually qualifies as help. But it sure was entertaining.
Mm hmm mmm hmm hmmm! Nmnrr! <-snickering like a prepubescent monkey
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Red Vs. Blue
Well, I'm posting scripts of Red Vs. Blue in my journal, quite obviously. ^_^ It's funny! Read!
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