How To Survive A Horror Movie
One well known fact about classic horror movies is that almost everyone dies. That’s great for the audience, but what if you are a character in the movie? Do you really want to be hacked, slashed, dismembered, beheaded, eaten, possessed, or experience one the many other gruesome ways to die? Fear no more. We have collected a complete top list of the best ways to survive a horror movie. It is broken down into guides about the most popular types of monsters, demons, hellions, serial killers, aliens and evil beasts.
Aliens & Outer Space
Little green men, strange flesh-eating blobs, acid-bleeding aliens, body snatchers, and other nasty critters are waiting to have you for lunch. In space, on Earth, or a distant planet, your chances of escape are slim. With our list of survival tips and some luck, you just might make it through an alien horror movie.
Aliens & Outer Space
The horror movie guide to keep you alive on Earth, a distant planet, or on a space ship. Learn ways to survive acid-bleeding creatures, body snatchers, alien hunters, and other life forms from outer space.
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When it appears that you have killed the alien, never check to see if it’s really dead.
Stay in groups. Preferably groups greater than two. You never know when your friend is an alien in disguise.
Don’t try to splice alien and human DNA. The results will always be unpleasant.
Never sleep with an alien, no matter how hot she is.
Never create a super being using information that was transmitted from outer space.
Don’t try to communicate with a space creature because you want to learn from it.
Strange lights in the sky are always a bad sign.
When the military arrives, run and hide. They are just as likely to kill you as the aliens.
If you find some unusual egg-like objects, leave them alone. They contain alien creatures that will either kill or clone you.
When you are being hunted by an alien creature, never go off alone.
If a friend has a disgusting parasite attached to him, leave him alone. And never bring him back with you.
Dripping goo, slime, or excretions stuck to walls are not good reasons to explore.
Never sacrifice yourself to save your friends. They will soon die regardless of what you do.
Genetic experiments will always produce a big, nast, scary creature.
If you find the remains of a strange life form, spaceship, or alien artifact, leave it alone. Don’t dig it out or bring it back to study.
Have lots of weapons and ammunition. And always shoot first and ask questions later.
Avoid all government agents dressed in black. Their job is to capture aliens and eliminate witnesses.
If your friend has been taken by the alien creatures, don’t go after him.
Leave immediately, if you find alien eggs, large cocoons, or people encased in crusty secretions.
When strange men are shooting at a dog. Don’t shoot at the men, shoot at the dog.
If your friend tells you Mr. Gray is coming, move away and change your name.
Never poke a glowing meteorite with a stick.
Don’t ever torment a captured alien. When it escapes, you will be the first person it kills.
Never try to capture an alien creature because it would be worth a fortune or has technology that could be studied.
Aliens with shoulder cannons and cloaking devices do not “come in peace”.
If the space creature has acid for blood, never shoot it at point blank range.
When you find a weird egg-like object in your mailbox, don’t pick it up to see what it is.
If everyone in town falls asleep and all the women wake up pregnant, leave your wife or girlfirend and move away.
If everyone in town falls asleep and you wake up pregnant, your unborn child is an alien sent to take over the world. Kiss your butt goodbye.
When everyone you know displays no emotion, you need to leave. Your loved ones have been replaced by aliens.
Ghosts & Supernatural
Do you see dead people? Are cult members outside your door? Is your house built on an old cemetery? Have no fear. This horror movie guide will help you fight off ghosts, specters, demons, possessed dolls, and other forms of supernatural evil. With our help, you should never have to drink pigs blood again.
Ghosts & Supernatural
Ghosts, demons, specters, phantasms, and other evil beings all want to kill or possess you. Below is a collection of tips to increase your chances of survival when up against the supernatural in a horror movie.
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If your house was built on, near, or around a cemetery, pet cemetery, indian burial ground, church or any place of worship, you should move.
Don’t ever go into your basement, especially if the power goes out.
Books in latin or any ancient language should never be read aloud.
If you find a book made from human flesh, written in blood, or with a skull on the cover, put it down and do not read it.
When you child speaks in an unknown language or a strange voice, its not cute. Have your kid stay with a relative.
Don’t try to solve any puzzle that opens a portal.
Stay away from crypts, graves, mausoleums, burial mounds, or any other resting place for the dead.
If for some stupid reason you are at a place for the dead, do not take anything.
When your tv, radio, blender, or any other appliance turns itself on or off, it’s time to move
Don’t make jokes about the dead. The dead have bad tempers and a poor sense of humor.
If you are at a church or home and see an upside down crucifix, run away as fast as possible.
The gun you have is useless. It won’t hurt a supernatural evil.
Avoid any dark room, attic, or basement. A ghost or spectre will be waiting to steal your soul.
If you buy a home for a great price, find out why its so cheap before you move in.
Don’t use the phone. All you will hear is static or scary sounds.
If you own a Ouija board, throw it away. Contacting someone in the afterlife is never a good idea.
When your friends invite you over for a seance or the summoning of the dead, don’t go.
Puzzle boxes are not toys. Do not try to solve one.
If your pet starts acting crazy when around a friend or family member, avoid that person.
Never visit a rural town surrounded by corn for any reason.
When you find an unusual object or artifact, don’t try to figure out what it is. Unless you want to be transported to hell, or want to release ghosts, demons, and other evil spirits.
Be extra nice and polite to the strange kid or the unpopular girl in your neighborhood. They are often possessed by evil beings.
If you happen to break a mirror, get your affairs in order. You are going to die.
Do not play with old dolls, read old books, or listen to an audio journal about “The Book of the Dead”.
When your friend of family member is possessed, don’t try to help them. It’s too late. Find a new friend or start a new family.
If a crazy looking person tells you evil awaits, believe him.
Don’t eat or drink anything if you happen to be at a ceremony or ritual.
People with long robes and hoods are not making a fashion statement.
If you need something from an attic, basement, or any dark place, send someone else to get it.
Don’t buy dolls that talk, walk, or move in any way.
Occult books aren’t cool or collectible.
Never be alone. It is the quickest way to be killed or possessed.
If your friend’s head turns all the way around, it’s not a magic trick.
Stay away from mirrors. They are gateways for the supernatural.
Closing doors and windows won’t help. The ghost is already in the room with you.
If someone offers you pigs blood, don’t drink it.
Never investigate strange noises. Something evil will always be waiting
Monsters & Creatures
Things that go bump in the night are all around. Beasts with claws, tentacles, and mouths full of teeth waiting to disembowel and eat you. What can you do? You don’t want to end up in the belly of a beast. Just follow the monster movie guide. It will help you withstand an onslaught of creatures in the scariest of horror movies.
Monsters & Creatures
It doesn't matter what type of monster, creature, beast, hellion, or horror is after you. We have gathered a list of thing you should or shouldn't do in order to survive a horror movie with monsters.
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Do not go looking around your basement when the lights go out. It’s not a blown fuse.
Don’t split up when you are in a group. You are just making it easier to die.
If you hear a strange noise and find out it was just your cat, leave the house quickly.
If a meteor crashes near you home, move.
If you are trying to escape by getting to your car, it will not start. It could be brand new and something will still be wrong with it.
Don’t expect to be rescued. The people coming to save you are already dead.
Don’t go anyplace dark like an attic, basement, garage, or barn. The creature will be there waiting to eat you.
Closed doors are bad. Never open one unless you want to die.
Never take a bath or shower. It’s like ringing a dinner bell for the monster.
Don’t bother trying to call for help. The phone will be dead.
If someone tells you there is a monster, believe them. Otherwise you will be proved wrong by being torn to bits.
Don’t worry about making a plan. No matter what you decide, something will go wrong.
If the creature is chasing you, don’t look back. As soon as you look, it will be in front of you.
You have deafeated the monster and it’s dead. Don’t stop. Keep shooting, chopping, and destroying it until there is nothing but a mess of goo.
When you are running away from a monster and see a friend, keep going. This way, you don’t have to run faster than the moster, just faster than your friend.
If you look out the window and see a monster, leave immediately. Even if it’s heading away, it’s coming to get you.
When your dog runs away, don’t go after him. The dog knows he only needs to run faster than you to survive.
Never volunteer to go for help. Unless you want to be the next person to die.
Do not go back for anything. As soon as you find what you wanted, the moster will dismember you.
When your house makes a weird noise, it’s not the wind.
If you find a weapon and have used it, don’t throw it away. You’re going to need it again.
If you stumble upon a dead friend, don’t go see if the rest of your friends are ok.
Don’t warn anyone about the creature. They won’t believe you until it’s too late.
After the monster has been killed, check to see if your friends are alive. if they are, the monster is’t really dead.
If you hear a far-fetched story about a monster nearby, believe it.
Don’t let your flashlight die. If it does, kiss your butt goodbye.
Never go back for a friend. He’s already monster food.
You have killed the monster. Don’t walk up and check to see if it’s dead.
Slashers & Serial Killers
Don’t go on vacation, to summer camp, or in the woods without reading this horror movie survival list. It reviews ways to survive assaults from serial killers, hockey masked attackers, chainsaw wielding psychopaths, and insane family members and friends. Even if you are the nerdy kid or a sex hungry teenager, the guide can up the odds of you not being another dead body in a massacre.
Slashers & Serial Killers
Getting stabbed, tortured, or dismembered by some crazed psychotic slasher is never a pleasant experience. If you don't want to end up a bloody corpse, read this list of ways to make it through a serial killer horror movie.
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Never do anything because someone dares you.
When someone tells you not to go somewhere, listen to them.
Never take a bath or shower, especially if you are alone. Dirty and alive is better than being clean and a corpse.
If you are a man, get away as quickly as possible. The last surviving character is almost always a woman.
If you are a woman, never go topless. You are as good as dead if you do. Boobies are the kiss of death.
Don’t be the wise-cracking kid, jokester, or prankster. You won’t live any longer than a topless woman.
Never go to summer camp, into forests, old motels, or any rural places
If someone has arrived to help, run away. That person is going to die very soon or is the serial killer.
Don’t take back roads to save time. Always stay on highways and busy roads. They are called short “cuts” for a reason.
When running away from an axe-wielding slasher, don’t look back. He won’t be there. He will be in front of you.
Never take a short-cut through the woods, by a cemetery, old school or hospital. It’s called a short “cut” for a reason.
Never swim in a lake and under no circumstance go swimming at night or go skinny dipping.
If you hear a noise from upstairs, it’s not the wind.
Never have sex if you want to live. Virgins are less likely to be mutilated and killed.
If you decide to go skinny dipping, make sure you say good bye to all your friends. You’re going to die.
Never ever pick up a pick up a hitch hiker. He is either the psychotic serial killer or will soon be murdered by him.
When you answer the phone and hear deep breathing, it’s not your boyfriend. Leave immediately because the killer is already inside the house.
Never go to a party at an old mansion, rural home, or high school.
Listen to crazy people who tell you about the evil that is around.
Don’t go to a carnival or sideshow. And if you do, under no circumstance go into the funhouse.
If you see anyone with an axe, chainsaw, hook, or machete, don’t go and see who it is. Run away.
Never have sex, do drugs, pick on others, sneak out at night, or go anywhere that says “keep out”.
If you have a relative who is in a mental asylum, you should leave the country. He will soon be coming to kill you.
Deserted towns are deserted for a reason. If anyone is left, you definitely don’t want to meet them.
Vacationing in the mountains of West Viginia is always a bad idea.
Taking back roads on your trip to California is a bad idea. Scenic is just code for “You will be dead soon.”
The crazed slasher is never dead until everyone else is. If you are alive, there is a very good chance that he is too.
If it is Friday the 13th, Halloween, or prom night, go into hiding.
Never visit a town with a mental asylum or summer camp. If you live in the town, move.
If you are a police officer, fireman, paramedic or any other city worker, quit your job. If you don’t you will be quickly mutilated in some painful manner.
A paintball gun is a lousy weapon. It won’t kill your attacker, but it will get you killed.
If for some dumb reason you are camping in the woods, don’t wander off to go pee in the middle of the night. Hold it until morning.
Closets are never a good place to hide. Under the bed isn’t a good place either.
If your friend goes to check on a strange noise and doesn’t return, don’t go looking for him.
When you hear a tale about a string of murders that happened where you are staying, it’s a good time to leave.
Never explore an old shack, barn, cellar, attic, or school. Unless you want to be the next victim.
If you hear a strange noise coming from any dark place, don’t go investigating it by yourself.
Friends, neighbors, and family members are all expendable. You can find more friends and start a new family.
When you have killed the homicidal maniac, never try to remove his mask.
If you are lucky enough to survive the horror movie, never be in the sequel. You will die as soon as it starts.
Vampires & Bloodsuckers
Do you think your new neighbor is a creature of the night? Do you friends sleep all day? Do they keep trying to bite you? They are vampires! Get some garlic, holy water, crosses, and study the horror movie guide covering bloodsuckers. With some luck you won’t be the next blood-filled meal for the hellspawn lurking in the shadows.
Vampires & Bloodsuckers
When creatures of the night are after you, crosses, holy water, and wooden stakes won't be enough. You will need help fighting off the evil bloodsuckers. Study the vampire horror movie guide and you just might make it through the night.
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Never trust a vampire. To him, you are just another meal.
If you are at a neighbor’s house and there isn’t any mirrors, there is a good chance he is a creature of the night.
Never try to hunt and kill a vampire. The only one that is going to get killed is you.
If a bloodsucker attempts to hypnotise and take your wife or girlfriend, let him have her. You can find another woman.
People with pointy teeth should never be trusted.
Never visit the creepy guy who lives in the old mansion.
If you discover there are vampires, don’t tell anyone. They won’t believe you and will end up being the next victim.
If you are a minion, familiar, or help a night stalker in any way, don’t expect anything but a grizzly death.
When you ask someone how old they are and he says “I fought for the South.”, run away as fast as you can.
Never eat a pizza brought to you by a delivery boy wearing plastic fangs.
Children turned into vampires are not cute. They are just as dangerous as adult bloodsuckers.
Biting people on the neck is not, and never will be, socially acceptable.
Never drink blood because your friends dare you.
Guns won’t hurt vampires, unless they are squirt guns filled with holy water.
A creature of the night that drinks blood out of a glass is no better than a neck biting vampire.
If a bloodsucker stops to explain how he is going to kill you, don’t just stand there and listen, run away.
Avoid bars and clubs that are only open from dusk until dawn.
Never invite a vampire into your home.
The old guy on TV who hosts the nightly horror movie is not an authority on vampires.
If your friend was attacked by a vampire, kill him immediately. He might not of been bitten, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
When you hear about strange murders where the victims have been drained of blood, it’s time to move.
If a vampire offers to let you live if you help him, don’t believe it. If you help, it’s guaranteed that you will soon be dead.
Just because a hot vampire only eats “bad people”, it doesn’t mean she’s not dangerous.
Making a cross from popsicle sticks will not keep you alive.
Never go out at night if you think your neighbor is a vampire.
Never idolize creatures of the night. People who think vampires are cool end up as blood drained corpses.
Having a vampire as a dinner guest is never a good idea.
Comic books are not a good source of information on how to kill vampires.
Sunlight is the only sure way to kill a creature of the night. Crosses, wooden stakes, and holy water will usually just make the bloodsucker angry.
Just because a vampire is a famous celebrity, it doesn’t make him a good person.
People who can transform into bats or wolves are not magicians
No matter how well it pays, never take a job as a vampire hunter.
Avoid anyone who visits blood banks in the middle of the night.
If there is an outbreak of grave robberies and corpses disappearing from the city morgue, it’s time for you to leave town.
Stay away from people who have pale complexions, are wearing capes, or dressed all in black.
Werewolves & Evil Beasts
There’s a full moon and howling in the distance. Its a good bet that a werewolf is near. Regardless of if you are a boy in a wheelchair, vacationing in Europe, or just at home, our complete top list of ways to defend against someone infected with lycanthropy will help. Being in a werewolf horror movie no longer means you will end up a tasty treat for the canine monster.
Werewolves & Evil Beasts
If it's a full moon and there is howling in the distance. Prepare yourself for the possibilty of werewolves on the hunt. Get some silver bullets and a gun, barricade your home, and stay alert through the night while you read the werewolf horror movie guide.
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Just because a werewolf is a really nice guy, it doesn’t mean he’s not a blood thirsty monster.
Never go to a party that celebrates a full moon.
A girl who locks herself in a cage at night will not make a good girlfriend.
Silver bullets and fire might kill a werewolf, but they are much more likely to make the evil beast tear you to shreds.
When someone tells you “Leave before its too late.”, do as he says.
Never shoot a werewolf in the eye with a bottle rocket. All you will do is make him angry.
Don’t get involved in a centuries old battle between werewolves and vampires.
If your best friend thinks the local minister is a werewolf, you should go stay with a relative who lives out of state.
If there is an outbreak of strange and violent animal attacks, it’s a good time to leave town.
If you wake up naked, in the woods, covered in blood, and next to a dead animal, you’re a werewolf.
Never trust people who order their steak rare and bloody.
If there is a strong smell of wet dog on a stormy night, run away and hide.
Never try to capture a werewolf so you can study it for genetic research.
If the alpha male wants you to join the pack, don’t say “I would rather die.” You probably will.
Dogs are smart animals. If they don’t like someone, neither should you.
Never go with a group of town folk who decide to hunt a werewolf in a fog filled forest at night.
When a family member starts sprouting lots of hair and growing fangs, it’s not rabies.
Never pull on your dogs tail if it has been infected by a werewolf.
Anyone who works for Scott Baio should not be trusted.
The only way to be sure a werewolf is dead is to remove its head from the body.
If you think a hairy beast is outside, calling animal control for help will do no good.
When you are being chased by a wolf-like creature, don’t run into sewers, tunnels, woods, basements, or any place dark and creepy.
Always have multiple weapons. No matter how many bullets, arrows, or bombs you have, you will run out just before you kill the beast.
If you set a werewolf on fire, it won’t stop him. He will keep trying to eat you while he burns.
Make sure whatever you use to kill the beast is poison and not a stimulant.
Never be a hero and try to save your friend, family member, or dog. It’s better to be alive and feel guilty, than trying to save someone and getting mutilated.
If you hear howling in the distance, never assume it’s just a wolf or coyote.
When you have finally killed the werewolf, don’t check to see if it is dead. Keep shooting it, chop off its head, burn the body, and keep at it until there is nothing left.
Zombies & Undead
Your grandma comes over for dinner, but she has been dead for years. Your boyfriend keeps asking if he can eat your brain. People with missing limbs are shambling down the street. You are in a classic horror movie about zombies. Review the survival guide if you don’t want to join the undead. Unless you want to spend eternity slowly rotting away while eating human flesh.
Zombies & Undead
If you don't want to become one of the flesh-eating undead, read this zombie horror movie guide. With some luck you can escape hordes of walking dead and never have to dine on human brains.
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If your friends want to hang out in an old cemetery, don’t go.
Baby zombies are not cute and should be considered as dangerous as any other undead creature.
Never let your boyfriend eat your brain because “he loves you”.
Don’t open strange canisters with government labels.
If your dog or pet runs away, don’t go after him. The undead might not eat him, but they will definitely eat you.
Living in a shopping mall when the world is overrun with the undead, only delays the inevitable. You are still going to die in some gruesome fashion.
Never keep a zombie alive so that you can study it.
Bars are not a good places to hide during zombie attacks.
If you rise from the dead, learn to like the taste of human flesh. You’re going to be eating a lot of it.
Your friends, family members, and everyone else are all expendable. It’s survival of the fittest.
No matter how slow zombies walk, or how fast you run, they will catch you.
Don’t dismember the living dead. All the limbs will still try to get you.
Never try to cremate an undead corpse.
If you hear noises in a room that is suppsoed to be emplty, don’t go and investigate.
If you have been bitten by a zombie, you might as well eat a bullet. You are going to die and become one of the undead.
As soon as you hear news reports about cannibalistic people roaming the streets, head for a remote, unpopulated location.
If the power goes off, don’t go and try to repair the generator or check the breaker box.
Islands are not sanctuaries. There are the feeding grounds of zombies.
When your dead friend or family member stop by for a visit, never let them in.
If a strange military container is mistakenly delivered to you, return it.
As quickly as possible, get away from sick friends who don’t have a heart beat.
If you see a zombie who appears more intelligent than the others, be sure to kill it first.
When your husband, wife, or children are the living dead, run away. You can always get remarried and have more kids.
T-shirts, tank tops and shorts are not bite proof. Put on some clothes! Leather jackets, long pants, and work boots work well. Plus you will look cool.
If a zombie is is on the ground and appears dead, shoot it again. You can die just as quickly from an ankle biter as a walking corpse.
Don’t call the police or military for help. They will just end up being killed and add to the growing mass of undead that are after you.
Never hit a strange container to see how strong it is. It will break and spray you with a chemical that makes you like the taste of brains.
If you are surrounded by zombies with no means of escape, kill yourself. It is much better than being eaten alive.
A quick run-down should you ever find yourself trapped in a horror movie and would prefer to live to tell the tale.
1. Don’t have sex.
Abstinence is key.
2. Don’t go out with people you’ve just met that day.
I don’t care how good he says his weed is
he is cuckoo bananas
and he wants you dead.
3. Don’t go to camp. Especially one where someone was murdered.
There are six words you should YouTube, should you get the chance
“Kevin Bacon in Friday the 13th”
4. Find a good hiding place and… STAY. THERE.
If the killer can’t see you or hear you WHY WOULD YOU MOVE?
Possibly the easiest rule to follow and, ironically enough, the easiest to break.
5. Always wear sensible shoes, ‘cause you never know when you’ll need to run through the woods.
Someone will always be barefoot
Or in heels
Or just plain clumsy
And will sprain their ankles
6. If the town looks deserted, it’s probably because everyone is dead.
Don’t walk around looking for people
House of Wax, anyone?
7. Don’t be a hero.
Unless you’re name is Harry F*cking Potter, you will die.
Hell, maybe even then.
8. If you hear something creepy in the distance, like a dog’s yelp cut off mid-bark, don’t investigate.
The killer is there.
Also your dog is dead.
9. Always check the backseat before entering your vehicle.
The last thing you need is to be killed while trying to merge on the expressway.
10. If your car breaks down in front of a dilapidated gas station, don’t ask a sketchy-looking townie for help.
Some part of your body will wind up in his pick-up truck
11. Don’t go into the basement.
They are creepy enough without you dying in one.
12. If you’re trying to buy a house and the real estate agent won’t answer any direct questions about either the history of the home or the previous tenants, DO NOT MOVE IN.
At some point, someone in the house heard voices and cracked.
13. Turn off the television (and run away) if a girl crawls out of it.
It is obviously your wisest choice.
SEE ALSO: poltergeist, daughter trapped in tv because of.
14. If the walls of your house bleed, do not attempt an exorcism.
Move very very far away
Because there’s blood on your walls.
15. Don’t act like a detective.
Some crazy Japanese kid who meows like a cat will attack you in a closet.
If you live, awesome story to tell your friend, right?
But if you die, it is like the opposite of awesome.
16. Google the location you’ll be vacationing at.
If more than five reports for “Missing Persons” pops up, you know not to go there.
17. Don’t get drunk. Or come under the influence of any mind-altering drug.
Running away from a killer is that much harder when you’re tipsy and giggling.
18. If you see someone in a mask, don’t assume it’s one of your friends playing a trick on you to scare you.
It is the killer.
ALSO: laughing while saying, “Tommy, is that you in that stupid mask? Oh, I’m so-o-o-o-o scared!” is not conducive to your surviving.
Killer’s are very sensitive about their disguises.
19. Don’t take a shower.
ONLY APPLIES IF:
It’s past midnight at the campground you and your sorority sisters are staying at or
The lock to the door doesn’t work and you hear creepy piano music
AND THE LAST AND MOST IMPORTANT:
20. If the call is coming from inside the house, get out.
Clearly the killer is not outside, now is he.
2. Never take a bath or shower with an MSDC (maniac/spirit/demon/creature) in the house.
3. When it appears that you have killed the MSDC, DO NOT check to see if he/she/it is really dead. Keep hacking at it until it is in pieces small enough not to be a threat to you. If you've shot at it, shoot it again in the head, and remember, shoot till it stops moving, and then keep shooting till you're out of ammo. Then reload and shoot it some more. Then set it on fire and burn it up, this works with everything except demons and spirits. Then get the hell out of there.
5. If plumbing fixtures or other structures in your home begin spewing body fluids, it's time to move out
9. If tree's, TV's, or other objects try to consume your children, save as many as you can and then get the hell out of the area.
10. If relatives or pets come back from the dead, stay as far away from them as posible.
11. If inanimate objects such as dolls, toys, or furniture attack you, be prudent, leave the area.
12. If you've hidden from the MSDC and you are not found, do not peek from or leave your hiding place. If you do, you will be seen and killed.
13. Never believe that your companion has truly become "dispossessed."
14. It is VERY, VERY dangerous to back into, or through rooms.
18. If demons begin possessing your companions, it's a good idea to leave the area as soon, and as quickly as possible.
19. If your companions start turning up dead, make yourself scarce before someone else does it for you. Worry about funerals later.
20. If you've just finished running over the MSDC in your car, keep going. Most certainly DO NOT get out of the car under any circumstances to see if he/she/it's really dead.
22. Don't fall asleep if you have a history of homicidal/suicidal nightmares.
25. If you find something that appears to be alive that you cannot identify, don't pick it up or touch it, with anything
30. If priests won't or can't enter your home, start looking for a new home.
31. If the place you are visiting is known for its history of mass murders, deaths, freak accidents, or supernatural occurences, leave.
32. If you wake up from a particularly horrific dream and find yourself still alive, you probably aren't awake yet
34. Don't play with Ouija boards. If you do and the ouija board starts moving by itself, stop playing and leave immediately.
35. If supernatural beings start calling your name, leave the area immediately.
36. Never pick up a hitchiker or stop to aid a suspicious person, especially if he/she/it resembles Santa Claus.
39 If your space ship gets a alien distress signal from what appears to be a dead planet, don't stop to check it out.
40. Never put your back to or lean on a door.
41. Never take the dare to spend a night in a haunted house.
47. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Crystal Lake, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one), Mydian, Questa Verde, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
48. Beware of transvestite doctors that sing.
49. Avoid secluded mountain resorts, especially those which keep 'Redrum' in stock.
50. Finally, beware of strangers bearing tools of destruction such as chainsaws, staple guns, chipper/shredders, weed poppers, combines, lawnmowers, knives, soldering irons, stun guns, flamethrowers, band saws, crossbows, napalm, grenades, catapults, tactical warheads, high-powered rifles, gophers, food processors, gophers in food processors, lambchops, axes, gophers wielding axes, laser pistols, tanks, any weapon resembling Margaret Thatcher, or Alludium q-36 explosive space modulators.
51. If you're going to shoot something, in the immortal words of Robert Ruark - African big game hunter, "USE ENOUGH GUN," or preferably a chain gun.
52. If entering your craft you put your hand in a kind of sticky/slimy/resinous kind of substance that was not there before, turn and run immediately or you will be killed.
53. If you are in the Arctic and find an alien frozen in ice, don't touch it, don't thaw it out, leave it alone. The alien should be incinerated with thermite (or preferably a thermonuclear weapon), otherwise if it thaws out, it will kill you and every living thing on earth.
How To Survive A Horror Movie
We've all seen them, and we all wonder how the hell someone could be so stupid in horror movies. Here are a few tips on how to live if you ever find yourself in a horror movie situation.
Just The Facts
Common sence, Learn it, Use it, Love it
Places to avoid
Any small town or the middle of nowhere.
A small town gas station
Old houses with histories
Places like this need to be avoided when you want to live and stay out of horror situatuons.
run downs areas
any place with one hanging light bulb.
naturally creepy places
Rules to follow
1) No sex, any sex and you will die, Its like having a neon sign above your head screaming "KILL ME"
2) no drugs or alcohol. Thats just bad, becauseyou will be walking around in a drunken or high stupor, shouting and alerting the killer as to where you are.
3) Dont think you can outsmart the killer, you cant and you will fail.
4) If you think that the killer is dead you had better make damn sure, take a shotgun to his head, or behead him or her, They train months to slow down their hearts and nearly stop their breathing to make them look dead.
5) If you become stuck and find a house, and they say dont go into the basement, get the hell out of dodge, cause some occult s**t is going down
6) you cell phone will not work, most phones wont. either A) you wont have service B) the cords are snipped or the power is out. C) They dont have phones.
7) If you are in a house and get mysterious call, get the hell out. Don't spend your time running around like an idiot locking doors, cause more often than not the killer is already inside and laughing at your dumb a**.
cool that also being said, if you are confronted by your killer inside, dont run up the damn stairs. Unless you have magical flying powers you wont get out and will be killed.
9) If you run into the woods you can kiss your a** goodbye. The killer knows them better than you.
10) No barns, just avoid them, they basically are just traps the killer will use to kill you.
11) Do not go anywhere near creepy or strange sounds, more often than not its a distraction. The killer is behind you and ready to kill.
12) In horror movies its every man for him/her self. Dont group up, you're on your own.
13) Expect the unexpected.
14) Dont say I'll be back. Its a dead mans phrase.
15) No attics, no basements, no garages, or any dark damp place.
16) If you bring in any back up they will die, this means little old ladies, cops, or random strangers,
17) you will get hurt, there is no denying it, it happens.
1 cool Dont touch any unknown plants. they just scream "bad idea"
19) Urban ledgends, ghost stories, and town ledgends are true and will apply in most cases.
20) if you find you a** in some Stephen King type s**t kiss your a** goodbye. no one is safe there.
21) usually insane people are the ones you can trust
How To Survive Any Scary Movie In 20 Simple Steps
After years of frustration watching the illogical characters in scary movies foolishly place themselves in harms way and vulnerable positions, I’d like to share a survival guide while getting out that pent up frustration. Two birds, one stone, let’s do this.
1. Don’t Have Sex
It doesn’t matter if you wear multiple condoms or chomp down birth control pills like Skittles — there’s no such thing as safe sex in the world of scary movies. The monsters, killers, ghosts, demons, snakes, etc. always find their way to the naked, climaxing couple and kill them – typically in gruesome fashion. (Horror film sex is especially risky when done outdoors.)
2. Invest In An iPod Or CD player.
Anyone in possession of a record player is destined for some type of terrifying encounter involving their These records generally carry old, eerie melodies and will begin to skip or generate some type of freaky occurrence to fit the tune.
3. Don’t Split Up
If some jackass suggests this, apply a generously forceful open hand to that person’s stupid face. If you comply with such an idiotic proposal you’ll be picked off one by one, instead of playing (and winning) a numbers game against the antagonist.
4. Peepholes = Off Limits
You know that peephole on the door? Don’t look through that sh-t, ever. Nothing good is on the other side, I promise.
5. When It Gets Quiet, Avoid Walls & Doors
You know how after being chased and hiding it’s silent? Well don’t put your ear next to the wall to listen for the enemy or rest your head. A knife, ax, or some other sharp weapon will come chopping through at any second.
6. The Originals ARE ALWAYS CRAZIER
Pray that you aren’t in the foreign original version of a horror film because it’ll be significantly scarier. American versions often sacrifice some story or terror for expensive special effects.
7. On Tripping
If you trip and fall don’t remain in that seated position, holding your ankle, whining about your knee scrapes or doing the ‘sssss ahhhh’ thing. The butt-hand-scoot away method isn’t fast enough to escape their strides toward you either. Attempt to stand back up on two feet and run, because you know, that’s like logical and stuff.
8. Noisy Hiders
If you’re hiding and there’s a hysterical person with you making too much noise, punch them in the face until they’re quiet or unconscious. Seriously, there’s no noisy whining or terrified moaning allowed when hiding from a killer.
9. When You Hear Strange Sounds
It wasn’t “just the wind.” Don’t let anyone convince you to ignore those noises, they are definitely something bad. But by the same token, don’t try to be a hero and take matters into your own hands.
10. New Resident Protocol
Weird sh-t happening at a house that you just moved into means you should probably bounce. Not probably, definitely. Remember, there are many places to live but only one soul of your own. And if it gets possessed, you’re going to look pale, have bags under your eyes and become all angry and junk.
11. Kids, Twins And The Elderly
Always be skeptical of kids, twins and old people. Don’t profile or discriminate, but treat them as if they’re surrounded by yellow ‘caution’ tape.
12. Knock, Knock
It’s nighttime. Someone knocks at your door. You know you didn’t plan on having guests, what should you do? I’ll tell you what, ANYTHING BUT OPEN THE DOOR. Make pancakes, repaint the living room, pour baked beans on your television, whatever tickles your fancy as long as you aren’t turning knobs and opening doors.
13. All Eyes Are On You
If you’re isolated but it feels like somebody’s watching you, then somebody is. Don’t gaze around scared, doing a panicked, panoramic scan of your surroundings. Move your a** and run towards civilization.
14. Put Away The Magnifying Glass
You don’t investigate. In fact, remove the word “investigate” from your vocabulary. You’re not a detective. Not even a poor man’s Gil Grissom, so don’t go searching for answers. If what you’re curious about can’t be Google’d – don’t freakin’ bother, Holmes – it’s probably got an answer you’d rather not see or feel.
If you enter a room with flickering fluorescent lights: Stop, turn around and walk in the opposite direction. Matter of fact, a mild jog in the opposite direction is more appropriate.
16. More Lights!
If weird, supernatural sh-t that you have no control of is happening, turn on a lamp and sleep with the light on. Have you ever seen ghosts pull a person’s blanket off in broad daylight or a fully lit room? Absolutely not. Lamps are a ghost’s kryptonite.
Don’t let anyone bring a night vision capable camcorder around. Otherwise I can forecast a paranormal sh-t storm headed right your way. Something about that greenish, Paris Hilton sex-tape night vision mode brings out the ghouls.
18. Take ACTION!
Dawn Of The Dead
You’re in a position where you may have to kill a stranger for some reason. Should you do it? Yes. Absolutely. I mean you can’t risk your own life. This doesn’t just go for strangers but acquaintances too. And anyone who isn’t family. Scratch that. Also take out family members who you don’t care for. Like that non-blood related Aunt who is condescending towards your Mom at family gatherings? She can get the boot. In zombie situations feel free to kill anybody who has turned — even babies.
19. Please Face Forward
If you’re in a room and a figure is seated with their back to you, turn toward the nearest exit and haul a** towards it. Even if you think you recognize the back of that head, don’t engage. Because when he/she/it turns around, the eyes will be rolled in the back of the head or the face distorted in some manner that will not be pleasant to look at.
20. Kill The Bad Guy, Then Kill HIm Again
The initial shot, stab, punch, kick, etc. DID NOT kill your enemy. Don’t let up and don’t get close to them, because they’ve got one last wide-eyed, tight gripped attack before they’ll completely be down for the count. TC Mark
1. Firstly, never drink or do drugs and stay a virgin. Boring!
2. Never say that you'll be right back because you won't be.
3. Always make sure that your car has a fresh battery so it will start immediately in times of crisis.
4. When you're searching a house because you think there's something dangerous there, for God's sake turn the bloody lights on!
5. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
6. Big breasts and blonde hair are a death-wish.
7. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
8. If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a good reason. Take the hint and stay away.
9. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
10. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
11. If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, that was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices, move away immediately.
12. Always check the back seat of your car.
13. If on a stormy night, you find a window open which you thought was previously closed, do not close it. It may be your only way out when whatever has come in through it is chasing you.
14. If you come into possession of a strange old artifact and any exotic person (old wizened oriental, gypsy, indian medicine man) warns you to do/not do something, do not do just the opposite in order to demonstrate how silly they are.
15. Anniversary nights of executions, horrible murders, or terrifying rituals should be viewed with fear. Especially on the spot where the event took place. Most especially on even century anniversaries. And certainly if you or a friend is somehow descended from one of the original participants.
16. If your friend turns into a demon and then suddenly turns back to normal, kill them because they are not normal!
17. Kill the person in the group who suggests that you split up. They will eventually get you killed.
18. Never be with the group who plays vicious pranks on the shy strange new kid, those pranksters will soon meet their doom and often in a horribly gory way.
19. Go ahead and slap the screaming hysterical girl, she will be the one to distract everyone when there really is danger.
20. Nothing is ever over if it is still night-time.
21. Take heed of all warnings from animals and children. They usually know more than you do.
22. Never run to the top floor of any building if you are being chased by a maniac/monster. Your only way out will be to jump.
23. Never publicly announce your plans for the future if you make it out alive. It guarantees that you have no future.
24. Never under any circumstances run upstairs if you are being chased.
25. When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.
26. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum or any other house of the dead.
27. Do not take *anything* from the dead.
28. Stay away from certain geographical locations. Such as: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle or any small town in Maine.
29. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches, smoldering irons, band saws or any (possibly deathly) device made from deceased companions.
30. Listen closely to the soundtrack and pay attention to the audience. They are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.
31. Remember: Showing Skin=Death.
32. Always be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl in school.
33. Never watch a horror movie while you're in a horror movie.
34. When battling zombies, always sever their head or shoot them in the brain. If you they still want to eat you after that, just surrender. There's no hope for you anyway.
35. If you're annoying person that no-body likes and in a crap cheapo horror movie, please make a documentary that requires you to hike through the woods while looking for a witch that leaves stick figures hanging in trees, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
36. Never say "Who's there?" Its a death wish.
37.If you DO happen to get killed, make sure it's in a cheap low-budget gore-fest with no plot, so you can come back in the sequel and kick a**, no explanation needed.
Let's say you are walking alone down a deserted country road. All of a sudden it gets really dark. A wolf howls. You hear heavy breathing. Yup, you somehow got stuck in a horror movie. But not to worry! You can survive if you abide by these rules. Oh and you might want to grab a piece of paper and a pencil, there are quite a few of them...
If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not speak, or if they speak to you using a voice which is not their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you the grief in the long run. *NOTE* It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.
If your car runs out of gas late at night, don't go to the nearby deserted looking house to call for help. Likewise if your car has broken down, and the only refuge for miles is that creepy old mansion/castle on the hill. Stay in the car.
Never listen to music that contains staccato shrieking violins.
If you are a woman, never strip and take a shower in slow motion.
Do not keep all your sharpened kitchen knives in one of those wooden block thingies on your worksurface.
The first woman to either lose or remove her clothing is dead meat.
The guy with the testosterone overdose is also dead meat.
Along with the guy that is always making jokes
Never back out of one room into another without looking. It's always behind you.
If you are traveling with friends, never let any hitch hikers into the van with you. It'll be the worst (if not the last) day of your life.
Never babysit.There are enough babysitter-in-danger-thanks-to-a-stupid-killer flicks out there already.
If you ARE stupid enough to babysit, never try on the mom's nightgown collection. You'll only end up showing more skin. Remember: Skin=Death.
If you are being chased, never lean against the wall when you think you lost him. He'll just pop through and kill you.
Same goes for leaning against the window.
If you are at your Senior prom, and the school reject has just won prom queen, slowly back away and run for the exit. All hell is about to break loose.
If you are a stoner among other stoners, be the quiet one or the lovable one. All the other stoners will be killed.
If the killer has stalked you over the phone lines, don't take a job as a phone counselor.
Never let someone hypnotize you at a party.
Stay away from sewers.
If you sense something is behind you, don't bother turning around to check. Just run.
If you are trying to escape the killer, sliding through the cat door in the electronic garage door will not help you any.
After you manage to kill the monster/killer, never sit beside it and cry. It will suddenly pop back up to finish the job.
Never go to camp or become a counselor. You'll be dead by the end of summer.
Never say "I'll be right back." You won't be back. End of story.
Don't ever do something just because someone dares you to.
f someone tells you to do or not to something (example: DON'T fall asleep, DON'T go out there, DON'T go look for the homicidal-chainsaw-wielding psychopath by yourself) by all means, LISTEN TO THEM!!
A small town's little summer celebration might sound like fun. But if you hear the locals say things like, "Why you're the guest of honor! We couldn't even have the barbecue with out you!", run like hell.
If you are trapped in a house surrounded by demons, making coffee will not help anyone.
Always be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl in school.
Clowns never have, nor will they ever be helpful to hang around while in a horror movie. As harmless as the might seem, they WILL kill you once you let your guard down.
Never go back for anything you lost.
Avoid people with pointy teeh.
Avoid people with lots of facial hair.
Avoid people with pale complexions who sway and moan,
If the barber remarks on the "666" tattoo your kid has, abandon the kid and move to Irkutsk.
If you see a burly man wearing a hockey mask and toting a chainsaw, DO NOT stick around to see if he's with the Philadelphia Flyers.
Never buy your kid a toy that talks back.
Remember: Just say "NO" to human blood.
Never watch a horror movie while you're in a horror movie.
Never, under any circumstance, plan a camping trip that coincides with Friday the 13th.
Pigs blood is not now, nor has it ever been funny.
If the young girls of the neighborhood start singing songs about boogeymen while jumping rope, consider moving.
If you hit a man with a car in the middle of the night and try to roll him off of a dock, make sure that he is dead!
Never EVER play with any Ouijia board that you find in the basement of your newly bought, run-down house.
Never run into a deserted graveyard at night,
If you are running away from the killer/monster, don't even try to start the car. It doesn't matter if the car is brand new, it won't start.
If running from the monster/killer, try to make the least amount of noise possible. Especially if you are female. Panting, crying and screaming is not going to help you hide any better.
For pete's sake...NEVER stick your hand down the garbage disposal. Especially if you just heard strange noises in your house or while sinister music is playing.
Don't marry a guy that has Satan Worshippers as friends. They will want you to birth the new Anti-Christ.
Never answer the phone when you are babysitting. Just get the hell out of there and leave the kids for dead.
If you think you see your girlfriend/boyfriend and they are wearing a mask, not talking, or conspicuously hiding their face, it's not them.
Don't be mean to the new kid. They will just end up killing you.
If you hear a strange noise coming from upstairs that sounds similar to, oh let's say a severed head falling to the floor, don't go trying to find out what it is.
Never touch something that just oozed out of a comet that landed near an abandoned farm house.
When battling zombies, always sever their head or shoot them in the brain. If you they still want to eat you after that, just surrender. There's no hope for you anyway.
Never wait until you NEED the gun to check and see if it's loaded.
If you have to stay out in the woods or at camp you're pretty much screwed. But at least you'll have a fighting chance in the cabin. Never EVER take the tent.
Never try to unmask the killer.
Never hide in a closet.
If you buried your child in a strange place and he came back as a demon, DON'T bury your wife in the same place.
If you find the mangled body of a friend, camping partner, janitor, or whom ever, don't stay and investigate. Run like hell.
Don't spend a lot of time in houses decorated with an excessive amount of medieval weaponry. It will be used eventually.
Don't make a documentary that requires you to hike through the woods while looking for a witch that leaves stick figures hanging in trees.
If you are going to the bathroom in a movie theatre and you think you hear a guy and a girl making out in the stall next to you, don't put your ear closer to the wall to listen.
If you see a short guy wearing green and wearing a shamrock hat, I wouldn't stick around to ask about his pot of gold.
Never transport the killer in an ambulance from one place to another. Even if they've been in a coma for 10 years, they'll wake up.
Never listen to strange voices on the telephone.
Never say "Who's there?"
If your hand has been possesed by the Force of Evil, do NOT chop off your hand. Doing so will merely allow the disembodied hand the freedom to wreak havoc independent of your body. And now you have to spend the rest of the film trying to track it down,
If you have a feeling you'll end up being chased by zombies during the night, remember to wear comfortable running shoes.
After babysitting, don't walk down any deserted streets with lots of trees and bushes, but no lights.
If you are a girl with long blonde hair, blue eyes and big boobs, well, you are pretty much screwed.
Always check the backseat of your car before you get in.
When running away from the killer/monster, NEVER run upstairs.
If you see someone who is within screaming distance while running from the killer/monster, for the love of god, SCREAM!!
If a giant shark is chasing your family, don't go swimming. Actually, stay away from the water, period.
If you are babysitting, don't let the kids play with the Chucky doll.
If one night you see a dark haired girl carrying around dolls with the eyes scratched out, back away slowly, then run like hell.
If you go to your school library and there are a lot of books having to do with vampires and demons...move away ASAP
If you are fleeing from a killer or supernatural being and you see a cop car, run right by it. There are three possible ways that things will turn out if you try to get the cops attention and none are good:
A. The cop is already dead in some gruesome way that will cause you to scream and alert the killer/monster as to where you are.
B. The cop will probably end up dead as he tries to help you, this will only distract the killer away from you for a few seconds, but chances are you will end up getting killed anyway.
C. The supernatural being has assumed the form of a cop and just when you
think you are safe...he will kill you.
If the locals say the camp is haunted, it probably is.
If people in your neighborhood have been disappearing and there's talk about a surge of any type of insect...move. Stubborn home owners always die.
When and if you fall while running and the killer/monster is near you, don't just sit there screaming like someone will hear you. Get up and RUN!!
Kill the Scientist. No matter what else you do, kill him off right away. They always want to study "it," or take "it" back to the corporate masters, or learn from "it" at the expense of comrades lives. Eggheads are always trying to understand the unknown, and get nearly everyone killed doing it. Get a clue, kill the guy with the pocket protector, he's going to sacrifice you anyway.
If the killer if after you and you somehow manage to knock him down,
don't get up and run for help. Believe me, he will stay down much longer
after you kick him a couple times.
If the movie is directed by someone named Wes Craven or John Carpenter, you're pretty much screwed.
If the killer/monster is dead, don't dig up his grave to try to do a final resurrection. He will only come back to life.
If you disobey the previous rule, don't try cutting off his head or anything
cheap. Stick a grenade in his mouth and run for it.
If the killer is standing three feet in front of you, don't just stand there and scream while he comes running towards you. It may comes as a shock, but he DOES in fact want to kill you.
A female should never wear a white shirt without a bra while escaping the monster. It will only increase your chances of falling and causing a freak rainstorm that will make your shirt transparent and result in your immediate death.
If you live in Maine and your hometown includes a clown driving a car he calls Christine with a large ,rabid St. Bernard in the backseat, while residing in an old, haunted hotel near a strange Pet Semetary and hangs out with teenage girls with telekenetic powers....you're pretty much screwed.
If you DO happen to get killed, make sure it's in a cheap low-budget gore-fest with no plot, so you can come back and kick a**, no explanation needed.
When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off or go alone.
If the gang plans a fun midnight party in the town's old abandoned mansion, don't tag along. Especially don't tag along if everyone's going as couples,except you're the odd guy/gal out. And if you're the gang's jokester, you may as well write up your last will and testament while you're driving with them tothe place.
Do not take (or borrow) anything from the dead.
If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and soon, get away from them as fast as possible.
Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Crystal Lake, Haddonfield any hotels such as the Bates and the Overlook
Nilbog (God help you if you recognizethis one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine or Massachusetts.
Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chain saws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches,soldering irons, band saws, weed-whackers or any device made from deceased companions.
Never, never, NEVER try to communicate with something icky because "there's so much we can learn from them".
Don't make fun of or play with dead things.
If a meteor strikes nearby, move out of town.
When something bad is chasing you, bear in mind that when you try to start your car, no matter how reliable the vehicle is normally, you'll have to crankthe engine over many times before it will fire up.
If you walk into the local abandoned-looking church to seek help or shelter, and you notice that the crucifix is mounted upside down, turn around and goback outside as quietly as possible.
When you happen to be one of the fortunate ones and actually make it through the film alive, never, NEVER sign on to do a sequel. If you do, expect todepart this world in the first five minutes.
Never have sex in the bunkbeds of recently renovated summer camps.
Strange lights are seldom harbingers of joy.
People arriving to rescue you generally get ambushed by the monster, so don't rely on them as your only means of escape. In fact, expect to be surprisedand delayed by encountering their flayed corpse at some point.
On no account do ANYTHING because someone dares you to.
If you realize that the people in your town/county are having their minds taken over by some strange force, alien or otherwise: DO NOT call the police asthey are A) either already taken over themselves and will turn you in or B) will not believe you and laugh at you. Either way, you must handle the problemyourself.
If a small band of children appear to be smarter then the adults that are around them, be cautious. If they stay together in a small, secretive group, anddisplay nothing but hostility towards their elders, authority, and the church, leave town at once. If you wish to stay, be as kind to the children as possible, butexpect to die anyways because you are inferior to them.
If you assist the villian of the film, do not expect gratitude in exchange for your services. In fact, do not expect anything other then death, which will comein the final minutes of the film and usually over the girl you have become attracted to, but the villian wants as their own.
If any animals, such as Birds, Pirahna, Spiders, etc. begin to exhibit behavior that seems a bit more hostile towards mankind than normal, immediately callin the authorities, get out of that town, and do not try to talk to any scientist who specializes in that animal (ornithologists and the like) for they will not believeyou.
Whatever you do, DO NOT keep pets such as cats, dogs, hamsters, or anything cuddly. If you must, do not let them out of your sight for so much as asecond.
When you land on a distant planet and find some objects that look like eggs, leave them alone.
When one of your spaceship's crew finds a hideous parasite attached to his body (as a result of disobeying the previous rule), don't let him back on theship. The guy's dogmeat anyway.
When a hideous alien menace is hunting you (as a result of disobeying the previous two rules) never wander off alone to hunt for the ship's cat.
Never, EVER go in/out there (There being the attic, closet, barn, basement, dark alley, dark anywhere else, the all-concealing shadows, the woods or thelake)
If someone who seems important tells you to do or NOT do something (like DON'T fall asleep, DON'T leave me, DON'T look for thehomicidal-chainsaw-wielding-psychopath by yourself) by all means, listen to them, unless doing so would break another of the guidelines.
If you manage to lose a few body parts along the way, don't despair. Take this opportunity to replace them with weapons, such as chainsaws, harpoons,etc.
If you are using a gun to combat the all-comsuming evil, it is a good idea to quickly find a new means of defense, because no matter how much ammo youhave, you'll run out just before you kill the monster (unless your name is Ash, in which case, you'll never have to reload)
If you are wounded by flesh-eating zombies, aboandon all hope, because sooner or later, no matter how many anti-biotics you take, yer gonna become oneof 'em.
If you're the the last main character left, and a bunch of people are hun