I didn't write this, but I found it in arena's and thought it was an amazing piece of writing. Please read this, and tell me what you think:
"The wet pavement leading out of town lays infront of me, not that I am much drier since I had to walk here and it didn't quit till I finally reached the outskirts of this little hick town. I contiue to walk the rugged, ripped up green backpack on my left shoulder.
Cars of other teenagers partying, those who have a life, fill the street and speed past me thier music blarring, I can fill the slight hum of their systems as they fill the silent night, then as they become to far away for my delicate human ears to hear, Fade. Sighing I contiue to walk, the high risen moon on my back, towards the dark, forbidding, streets of no where. The objects in my backpack occasionly let out a noise as they hit each other, but other than that the night is filled with nothing.
My slow pace is begining to make me squirmy, What am I thinking I ask myself and shake the thought aside, I know what I am doing, I have been thinking about it for a straight year and finally got enough courage to pull through with it. My hazel eyes now hold a new cloud of feeling..Determination. My hair falls over my left eye and it's brown color turns black in the soaked moon light dark.
My thin frame slides through the dark now as I confirm that this is for the best of everyone. I pull out a green ipod from my backpack pocket on the side, it is one of those made from mesh, and put in the headphones. The song is 'let the bodies hit the floor' it was the one my brother was listening to when he went on his trip, I think of the ironicness of thsi song. I laugh outloud as I slowly skip over a cut barbedwire fence.
I pick my way carefully through the rough terrained area untill I am at the spot I had picked while scouting with my friends, I told them that I was doing a project for my 4-h project. I set down my back pack on a huge slabbed rock. The rock is about an inch longer than my body so it is the perfect grave. I Set about to my work, i dug in the bag and took out two sets of little pocket knives and two larger carving knives. Then A match and lighter and three large cigars. I lit the first cigar and smoke it. I cough slightly as I enhale the black cloud of death
I take the first pocket knife and roll up my silve blue jeans, and place the knife on its destination. I test it by putting preasure on the spot, it is uncomfartable as the feeling hits my nerves so I add presure and blood pokes through, then I begin by making a long cruved line into the right of my calf then another on the other side. the pain sears from the sliced skin as it was forced in two. The finished product is a large heart with a jagged line obscuring the middle of my lower muscled leg, pain fills the parts of my leg where I had forced my shaking hand to preform my broken hearted desire. Blood oozes quickly and flows down my leg twirling and climbing down my calf
Then I roll down the legs of my pants to keep my art work from catching chill, I set that knife down as blood and missing skin from my leg scatter the surface of the blade. I slide my hand up and down the painful spot gentally and collect the blood from there onto my blue pants. I can feel, smell, the red liquid as heart is now a bloody imprint on my pants as well as a premenant reminder of what I was doing on my leg
I lay back and allow the cold to numb my pain. When it is finally bearable, I sit up again and take the other knife, this one is slightly larger slightly sharper. I move the blade to my exposed upper arm and pierce it quickly deeply and retract.
I scream out in pain as the seared muscles procalim their anger. Their rage fills my severed nerves as it burns with hatred. "2nd best that is all I am ever going to be to anyone." I scream out bitting back tears as I know too well I can scream all I want and no one will ever hear me. I made sure of that. Again I hold the bleeding spot and allow the cold breeze to go in, out, through, around it. Anything to make the pain stop.
'why are you doing this to yourself?!' a voice screams at me from somewhere in my conciousness as I can begin to fill the dizzying effects of the amount of blood I was loosing, It still streamed from my deep tattoo and now quickly it flowed down my arm staining through my shirt. My head begins to swim with swim with images of everyone I have ever known. I can feel myself about to faint. 'no'I tell myself'just a little longer, you can quit yet!' my mind screams at me.
I stand up and take the two large carving knives as I roll up my shirt and begin the final task, I carve a single word, 'hate' it reads, the tender more sensitive muscles in my thin layer of skin on my stomach burns worse than anything i have ever felt before. The large carving knife is so sharp it cuts throug the skin like it was simply butter. I smile as the blood clots on the glowing moon stained blade. The blood mixes with the moon light and everything grows quiet. I begin to laugh. I take the second carving knife and slide the blade down the side of my left cheek.
Pain is no longer felft. I lay on the rock and allow my blood to pool around me as I draw my father knife from my side pocket, wrapped around the delicate curved blade is a piece of notebook paper. I hold the paper quietly in one hand and slide my ipod into my ears once more, this time the song is, ' perfect' by simple plan. The soft yet heavy metal screaming music fills my ears. I take the knife and plung it into my slow beating heart. I gasp out loudly as the pain finally returns and I begin to cry, the single blue tear that i can manage dances it way down my cheek.
I slowly let my life fade from my eyes as my growing pale skin flashes as white as the drowning moonlight. My hazel eyes die and fade to a boring blue green color, I am no longer in the shell of my body but am floating above it watching myself die. My eyes are what held me there. They no longer held a spark that made them interesting nothing just death. The blood pools around the knife as I grip my hand on it. The other still clenching tightly to the piece of paper. I can feel the wetness underneath of me. It begins to pour out and spread around me forming wings underneath of me and spilling off into the dead grass
My lips trembled as I struggled, not me, my body struggled to live on, I had let go of everything. And in my hand the note, the horrible little not that would let everyone know the truth about the real me
The note
If you are reading this... then that means that I have succeeded in what I had set out to do. Please believe me when I say this is for the best. I have done away with myself because I could no longer stand what I had become, and lets get real neither could you
I ask of only one thing from you. Don't cry over me. I am not worth your time. I was never and would never be good enough to make you proud, And to all my dear friends I loved you all and you know that. So please forget me let me fade and never cross your minds again
I am not the person you once knew. I am not the girl you once loved. The truth is I have lost my faith and could refind it. The truth is I was never your friend but a space filler for your heart. Vanessa that last comment to you. And you know it was true. I thank you for the moments I shared with all of you and hope you can forgive me for what i have done. Do you think I miss you. Better yet will you miss me. Do we really want to answer these questions or lie untill they are true. either way i am gone goodbye and forget me."
ll Heart of Crystal ll Community Member 
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