Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

It amazes me how something irrelevant to anyone, something even I would have considered irrelevant prior to it actually happening, it amazes me how it can create a spark in significant places.

I find myself in a fervor, not for religion or for a woman, but for myself. I am burning with feelings of inadequacy, but uplifted by an all-engulfing drive to improve. To become adequate. To make myself into a better person, for myself and for those who know me.

I've said similar things before, but those times, I was fueled by depression. I wanted to change because staying the same was hopeless. But depression, for me, fades fast and I soon found myself once again 'okay' with myself.

But okay is not good enough, because that has been shattered. I am not okay. But I am not saddened by this because this event has shown me a prize, an end goal, and the path to reach it. I will change not because I am hopeless, but because I am hopeful. Because I know what I want, and I know I can get it.

If only there were more hours in the day, to start my Great Work.