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Prologue Part 1

Narrator: This is the story of heroes and the chance meeting that lead to the formation of the ultimate team.
Tree: Hmm, being king of Belgium is so damn boring. I can't kill anyone or even devour any children.
Servant: Why not travel beyond Belgium, my lord?
Tree: Excellent idea, I shall leave my kingdom in the hands of my sexy wife and leave for America
(Meanwhile at some random bus stop in Arizona)
Elmo: Where's the ******** bus*He gets hit by a bus*
Tree: *kicks Elmo in the stomach* Are you ok?
Elmo: No, you just kicked me in the stomach!
Tree: Loser
Elmo: Where did you come from?
Tree: I was driving the bus and hit you with it
Elmo: On purpose?
Tree: Of course not*he kicks Elmo in the stomach again*
Elmo: My hotel's just a mile away from here so I just need to get back there
Tree: I see
*there's an explosion in the distance*
Elmo: What the hell was that?
Tree: i don't know let's go find out
*they come up to a crater*
Jimmy:.....
Tree: hey look a football
*he kicks Jimmy*
Elmo: Holy crap Jimmy
Tree: Who?
Elmo: That football you kicked was my science partner
Tree: You have a football for a science partner?
Jimmy: No, I'm human
Tree: Are you sure?
Jimmy: Yes
Tree: You know for some reason I do believe I'm going to hate you
Jimmy: That's nice
Tree: I have the strange feeling I'm going to kill you someday
Jimmy: ok
Elmo: Jimmy, what are you doing out here?
Jimmy: You know how I'm always exploding in science class?
Elmo: yeah
Jimmy: The government wanted to use me as a weapon of mass destruction
Elmo: Ok
*screaming in the distance*
C-Swirl: Nooooooooo
*they run to C-swirl*
Tree: What the hell are you screaming for?
C-Swirl: The mutants from the Hill Have Eyes ate my parents
Elmo: Wow
Tree: Haha
Jimmy: At least they didn't get me
*A mutant runs up and bites off Jimmy's leg*
Tree: I so saw that coming
Jimmy: I'll be ok
Tree: I wouldn't be so sure of that
Elmo: Why?
*Tree hits Jimmy with a rubber chicken full of lead*
C-Swirl: Haha he deserved that
Elmo: Hey that damn mutant took my wallet
Tree: So?
Elmo: That had our bus tickets in it
Tree: Mother ******** mutants are so dead
*they go to the mutants' cave*
Jimmy: This place stinks
C-Swirl: Yeah I know
Elmo: It's probably because of your parents' rotting carcasses
Tree: Hey look your wallet
Jimmy: There's a string attached to it
Elmo: Jimmy don't touch it they might have booby trapped it
*Jimmy gets tangled in the string and strangles himself*
Tree: *tugs on the string* See it's not booby trapped
*A stick of dynamite falls down*
Elmo: Oh crap
Tree: Quick get the human shield*Tree grabs Elmo, Elmo grabs C-swirl, and C-swirl grabs Jimmy*
Tree: Jimmy you're still alive?
Elmo: Holy crap, he's right you died and then came back to life
*the dynamite kills Jimmy*
C-Swirl: Ok let's leave
*a mutant attacks them*
Tree: Oh my God!!*He turns into a Tree*
Elmo: Holy crap Tree
Mutant: Where'd he go?
Jimmy: Weird*Tree kills him with a can of Campbell's chicken noodle soup*
Elmo: Holy crap, I found a penny
*C-Swirl throws a bomb at the mutant*
Mutant: Ggggrrrraaaahhh!*he rips off C-Swirl's arm*
Tree: hahahahahahah, oops
Elmo: Tree how did you do that?
Tree: What?
Elmo: Jimmy's dead for good this time right?
Tree: If he isn't I'm gonna kill him again
Mutant: Hey! I'm getting bored over here!
Tree: Shut the hell up!
Jimmy: Yeah
*Elmo shoots Jimmy in the face*
Tree: Aw, i was gonna do that
Elmo: Too bad
*Tree rips off Elmo's arm and beats the mutant to death with it*
Tree: There problem solved
Elmo: What about my arm?
Tree: What about it?
*Jimmy rips off Tree's arm and gives it to Elmo*
Tree: Ah! s**t! Mother ********! God ******** Damn It That hurt like a b***h, no offense Jimmy!!
C-Swirl: Jesus Christ!
Tree: Yes may I help you?
Elmo: I see you're a blasphemous jackass even when you're in pain
Tree: Wait........*He rips off C-Swirl's and Jimmy's arms*
Jimmy: Ahhhhh! pain!!
C-Swirl: My head hurts
Tree: I can fix that*he tears off C-Swirl's head*
Elmo: Is that how you solve all your problems?
Tree: Not always, sometimes I just sit down and have a bowl of cornflakes

Jimmy: Since we've got the tickets let's just go
*on the bus*
Alex: Hi guys nice to meet you
Tree: Are you queer or something
Alex: Actually yes I am
Tree: Blasphemer!! *he throws Alex out the window*
Alex: Ah! *he hits a stop sign
Elmo: He's still alive
Tree: God damn it
God: Don't use my name in vain *he strikes Alex with a lightning bolt*
Tree: And so the day is saved thanks to God
Elmo: You're not God!!
Tree: I know I'm actually the Kool Aid Man*He tears off his skin*
Kool Aid Man: Oh Yeah!!
Tree: What the hell I'm off eating a child for five minutes and this is what happens
Jimmy: But how did you leave without us noticing?
Tree: Jimmy...I took a bus but that bus exploded due to an engine malfunction.
Elmo: Oh my God!! Are you ok?
Tree: First of all, never, ever, EVER use my name in vain and second, yeah I'm fine
Jimmy: Wiki Wiki Woo Woo
Pacman: Waka Waka Waka*He bites off Elmo's leg*
Mrs. Pacman: Damn it!! Stop making so much noise!!
Tree: Geez, who let Mrs. Menstrual Pacman in?
Elmo: In where, the desert?
*Tree drinks some steroids*
Tree: GRRAAAGGHHH Damn it Jimmy*He punches Jimmy so hard he turns into chicken soup*
Elmo: What the ********!?!
*Tree eats the chicken soup*
Tree: Mmm just like the kind I used eat in Belgium
C-Swirl: Didn't you used to eat people?
Tree: They're a delicacy in Belgium and only fit for the royal family
Elmo: Well eating children is illegal here
Tree: Silence fool!!*He stabs Elmo with a spear made of hardened ketchup*
Jimmy: Where does he get this s**t from?!
C-Swirl: Jimmy, why do you keep coming back?
Writer: Because I keep bringing them back
Tree: Who the ******** are you?
Writer: I'm the writer you foul mouthed pig ******** son of a b***h
Kool Aid Man: Oh Yeah!
Tree: I like this guy he curses alot
Writer: Damn write!!(Author's note: BAD PUN!!!)
Tree: Can I have a car?
Writer: You can have this summoning scroll
Tree: Sweet! Summoning technique: Ice Cream Truck of Sorrows!
*an ice cream truck falls on the writer and he dies*

The End(Cuz the writer's dead)
Tree: I don't think so!
Elmo: As horrible as it makes me feel, I agree with Tree
Jimmy: Yay! And so the issue continues
C-Swirl: Hooray!
Tree: Shut the hell up!!*he rips out C-Swirl's jaw, snaps it in half, and stabs him in the eyes with it*
Elmo: That was rather elaborate
Tree: I like to mix it up every once in a while
C-Swirl: Ah!! Pain!!!
Elmo: Speaking of mixing it up*He dropkicks Jimmy into a wood chipper*
Tree: There we go that's the way to be evil
Elmo: As for you*He cuts Tree with razor blades and throws him in lemon juice and salt*
Tree: Ahhh! Son of a b***h, I'm gonna kill you!!!
Elmo: It doesn't matter if you kill me I'll just come back
Tree: AHHHHHH!!!!
*Tree summons his Grandpa*
Grandpa: Come on youngster, let's fight
Elmo: I'm not fighting you old man
Grandpa: Ok that makes it easier for me*he punches Elmo in the stomach*
Elmo: That's it! I'm gonna kill you!
Grandpa: YOU WANT SOME OF GRANDPA'S MILK???!!?
Elmo: Die!*He rips out Grandpa's spine, beats Jimmy to death, and hangs Tree*
C-Swirl: What the?
Policeman: Elmo, you're under arrest for first degree murder and killing trees.
Elmo: What the hell?
Tree: Oh, did I forget to mention that I bought the entire police force when I came to America. On top of that, I happen to be friends with every judge and supreme court justice.
*they arrest Elmo*
(At the courthouse)
Judge Piddlesworth: He's guilty
Elmo: What? I didn't even get to make an appeal
Judge Piddlesworth: Oh, well then you're free to go
Elmo: Huh?
Judge Piddlesworth: Straight to the electric chair!
Elmo: Aw s**t!
Tree: What a "shocking" turn of events
Bailiff: Next trial, Alexander Guy vs the people
Judge Piddlesworth: I sentence you to death by ball shots
*He kicks Alex in the balls and he dies*
(At Elmo's execution)
Judge Piddlesworth: Fry him
*They flip the switch and Elmo dies*
Tree: And that is why you never ******** with me
(Back at the courthouse)
Judge Piddlesworth: Next case
Bailiff: Tree vs the board of education, Abraham Lincoln,James Brown ,Amelia Earhart, Belgian Parliment, and Jimmy
Judge Piddlesworth: State your case
Board's Lawyer: Tree devoured all the children in our preschool, kindergarten, and elementary school facilities.
Judge Piddlesworth: How do you plea?
Tree: b***h, I ain't guilty
Judge Piddlesworth: You win, next case
Abraham Lincoln: four score and 28 minutes ago, Tree stole my hat and burned it
Tree: Not guilty
Judge Piddlesworth: You win again. next case
James Brown: He stole my microphone and slaughtered my family with it
Tree: That was Elmo
Judge Piddlesworth: You win, next case
Amelia Earhart: I was flying my airplane across the Atlantic and he killed me mid-flight and stole my plane
Tree: Objection! Lack of evidence and if I killed her how could she be alive?
Judge Piddlesworth: You win again, next case
Belgian Parliament's Lawyer: King Tree ate all the Belgian children and built an ice cream truck out of their skulls
Tree: I did no such thing, that was the queen of Belgium
Judge Piddlesworth: You win, final case
Jimmy: Tree kills me all he time, you should give him the death sentence
Tree: Even if I do die the writer will bring me back
Jimmy's Lawyer: Oh really, I call the 2nd writer to the stand
Writer 2: Hello
Jimmy's Lawyer: Is it true you hate Tree and you wouldn't bring him back if he died?
Writer 2: yes
Tree: Mr. Writer, is it true that this is a gun?
Writer 2: Yes
*Tree shoots the writer*
Judge Piddlesworth: Tree's no guilty. Surprise case, Tree vs William Shatner
William Shatner: Tree's guilty
Judge Piddlesworth: I sentence Tree to life in prison
Writer 1: Wait! I demand a sentence reversal! William Shatner shall be sentenced to life with Jimmy
William Shatner: I demand a retrial
Tree: I call God to the stand
C-Swirl: Oh, this should be good
*Tree calls God on his cell phone*
Tree: Hello, heavenly father
God: Hello Jesus, to what do I owe this magnanimous call?
Tree: I need your help in court
God: Fine but this is the last time
Judge Piddlesworth: (Seemingly possessed by something) Tree is not guilty but is ordered to spend 4 months in Alcatraz with Elmo
Tree: I understand, I must atone for the crimes I have committed
Elmo: Tree, you're abnormally calm about this. Normally you'd be cursing violently and killing people
Tree: My conversation with the lord changed my point of view. From now on, I'm going to be a good person no.....a saintly person!
C-Swirl: Oh my God, he's finally lost his God damned mind
Tree: Please don't curse it could offend someone
Elmo: I have to spend 4 months with this guy!?!
Tree: Please try to enjoy this time, trust that the lord will guide you
(4 months later)
Elmo: Good tidings Jimmy and my good friend C-Swirl
Tree: Hello my dear friend Jimmy, how are you this fine day?
C-Swirl: Jesus Christ! Tree's even nice to Jimmy
Tree: Please don't take the lord's name in vain, it's a sin
Elmo: Let's pray
(after the prayer)
Tree: I know, I'll call on a little favor
Elmo: Huh?
William Shatner: It it I? What should I do?
Tree: Distract the guards, so I can escape
Elmo: What about me?
Tree: Screw you, I just put on that pious act to fool people and annoy you
Elmo: I thought you'd changed
Tree: People don't change, they'll always be inferior to me*he stabs Elmo in the throat with a sharpened cross*
Elmo: Aagh!
Tree: Super Evil Satan/God Spawn, away!*he flies away*
Jimmy: It sure is nice not having Tree around
C-Swirl: Yeah, with him in jail the death rate in the world dropped 94.2%
*Tree hits the ground carrying an ice cream cone and some paper clips*
Tree: Guess who's back, back again. Satan's back, tell a friend.
Jimmy: What happened to being pious?
Tree: It was a facade and now Elmo is dead, plus Alcatraz is in complete pandemonium
C-Swirl: Oh God, my dad works at Alcatraz
Tree: C-Swirl, your parents died in Arizona because mutants ate their flesh
C-Swirl: Those were my step parents
*a space ship flies over*
Jimmy: Is that the star ship enterprise from star trek?
*the door opens*
Tree: Elmo?
Elmo: Yup, remember William Shatner played captain Kirk in Star Trek. He gave me a ride.
Tree: Why don't you just die?
Writer: Because I brought him back
Tree: Stop bringing people back, Jimmy needs to stay dead
Writer: Oh he will, in time
Tree: What does that mean?
Writer: You'll find out soon enough
*Elmo kicks Tree in the balls so hard he throws them up*
Tree: ugh...ow....damn it
Elmo: Next time you kill me make sure I'm really dead
Tree: ok*he rips out Jimmy, C-Swirl, and William Shatner's spines and pins Elmo to a tree with them. Then he attaches C-2 to the Tree and the puts leeches on Elmo's eyes and ears. After that, he runs 700 miles away and detonates the C-2*
Writer: Holy ********!! That was an awesome explosion boosh!(Author's note: They say "Boosh" because in the 13th commandment it say that whenever you witness an awesome explosion, you are required to say"boosh!" wink
Tree: Boosh!
*Elmo appears behind Tree*
Elmo: Hello Tree
C-Swirl, Jimmy, Tree, and the Writer: What the ********?
Elmo: What?
Tree: I just ******** killed you!
Elmo: What are you talking about?
C-Swirl: He did just kill you
Writer: Yeah, we all saw it
Tree: Why the hell did you bring him back?
Writer: I didn't
Elmo: It's time for a PLOT TWIST. I used money I saved up from the time in jail to buy a replacement and have him finish up the comic while I went on vacation. to the Bahamas. Tree, Magic Johnson's girlfriend is suing you for giving her AIDS. Court starts at 3:00 tomorrow afternoon
Tree: ha! Go on your vacation
Elmo: Ok
*he leaves to go on vacation*
Narrator: Soon after, Tree bought the island Elmo was on and turned it into Tree's Island for Homicidal Kitties. The kitties tore Elmo to shreds as soon as they were released

The End
Elmo: Or is it?
Tree: What, how are you still alive
Elmo: I replaced myself with another replica
Tree: You suck*he shoots Elmo in the leg*
Narrator: Elmo destroyed Tree's island and it became the great barrier reef. No kittens were harmed though
Tree: You lying b*****d, all the kittens died and then Elmo laughed.
Elmo:*sighs* Now PETA's gonna be calling us and complaining, nice going Tree
Tree: They deserve to know the hilarious truth.