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this might be the happiest and saddest post i've made yet. |
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So I finally got my first kiss... heart blaugh heart
And if anyone out there in cyberspace ever reads this, I beg that you comment about your opinions on this matter.
So, I'm a senior in high school, and I'd never been kissed before, and I feared that I'd go on living my life as a lip-virgin...and a regular virgin but I don't care about losing my virginity before college. Lets not worry about that matter.
I thought the whole cosmos was against me...I thought God wanted someone to laugh at or something. I constantly bitched at God/the Cosmos/Life itself about how lonely and pathetic I felt. I was seriously coming to the conclusion that I was just the most undesirable person ever, which didn't make sense to me because in all honesty, I'm pretty good-looking and I am a very funny and cheerful person. Okay I know that sounded INSANELY conceited, but I'm saying this as a person you'll probably never meet, so I don't care if you judge me. There are very few of you other Gaians I prepare to meet in real life. sweatdrop
Anyways, two of my very good friends invited me to a rave. (well it was one who invited me, but the other one was the reason we were going...)
I was having so much fun with them. We all dressed kind of scandalous, and to be quite frank I was the most conservative of the bunch lol. But still, pretty skanky. One does not see me in such attire at even the most casual of events.
The night progressed of my friends and I dancing, buying two glowsticks (both of which cost two bucks... damn rip-off venders,) random people asking us "Are you ROLLIN??" (If you are not familiar with this phrase, it's asked by people who are on ecstacy wondering if you in fact are on ecstasy as well) And my friends and I all replying "NO."
scream ***ECSTASY CAN AND WILL KILL YOU. DO NOT EVER IN YOUR SHORT LIVES USE IT. IT IS USELESS TO YOUR BEING.*** scream
Anyway, at about eleven o'clock, my friends and I had decided that we will leave at midnight, for we wanted to get food and watch "REPO the Genetic Opera" (Which, btw I haven't finished and I don't really intend to. it's gross.)
So we continued dancing, and this one tall, strapping young gentleman comes over and starts dancing with the three of us. I introduced to him to my rave name, and he replied "I'm... Jake." We laughed and I attempted at giving him a name...I don't think he'll keep it though. We kept on dancing, and then he asked me, "Are you rollin?" And again, I replied with a simple, "No." He said "Oh, that's okay," and he hugged me. (The first reaction I've gotten like this, most people walked away once they found out this tidbit of information about me.)
At one point, he asked my friend to give him a lightshow (which is basically a dance with glowsticks that you perform in front of someone who is on drug's face.) She attempted, and then he asked me to do it, even though I told him that I was new and probably not very good. He said it was alright, and he asked me to sit down with him.
After about three minutes of me doing this, (and my arms getting incredibly tired,) he grabbed my hands and started moving the glowsticks with me, while crossing our fingers so we were hooked (the literal meaning of the term.) We continued this for a few more minutes until finally, he spread his arms wide (with mine of course following him) and he leaned his head in and started to kiss me.
I did not stop him, I wanted him to kiss me. I liked him. After ten seconds of complete shock and praying that I was a good kisser, (btw, he THRUST his toungue into my mouth. I was very surprised.) I dropped the glowsticks onto the floor. One of my friends ran up to us and grabbed them.
We both looked at her and smiled as she ran away with the glowsticks, and he asked me,
"Uh oh, did I get you into trouble?"
I replied, "No, she just wanted the glowsticks we're fine." We laughed and continued the sexiest moment of my life for another ten minutes, (well, thats how long my friends say it was =P )
Suddenly, my friend tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Okay, time to go!" and she sort of pushed me up a bit to force me away from him. I laughed embarrassingly. We both got up, and awkwardly hugged.
He tried telling me something while my friends were nearing the door, and I kept asking him to repeat it to me since the music was so loud. I never heard what he said... All I could catch was the last word, "ride." I know it was something about giving me a ride home, but I didn't think that was a good idea.
I never gave him my number, and I never gave him my real name. And all I will ever know is that his name is Jake.
I left feeling amazingly self-confident and I was happy.
But I can't shake the fact, that for my FIRST KISS, it was not at all how I planned or assumed it would ever be.
I thought that my first kiss was going to be by the random crush I had at the time, and we would have kissed
in the rain heart
in the summer heart
under the stars heart
by a big oak tree heart
And I know those kisses are always the kind that every girl dreams about, and that of course that's not how they always happen. But, now, I feel as if the one moment I'd always imagined and prayed would happen, was just given away. I'd known him for less than an hour, and all I know was that his name was Jake and he was high on drugs. And he will never know who I am. He will never know my age, my favorite movie, favorite song, favorite dream, nothing.
He will never even know my name.
I will always be known, to him, as Ninja Kid.
I[/color:d33a661a21] [/color:d33a661a21] let my music[/color:d33a661a21] take me [/color:d33a661a21] [/color:d33a661a21]
[/color:d33a661a21]where my[/color:d33a661a21] [/color:d33a661a21] [/color:d33a661a21] [/color:d33a661a21]heart[/color:d33a661a21] [/color:d33a661a21]wants to [/color:d33a661a21] [/color:d33a661a21]go[/color:d33a661a21]
[img:d33a661a21]http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/cc179/PatMW/Clipart%20and%20Word%20Graphics/joy_shark.gif[/img:d33a661a21]
 lilmamey · Thu Mar 19, 2009 @ 03:57am · 0 Comments |
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