I need to talk.
So I've never made the leap into letting my feelings flow out on the interwebs (and especially on Gaia) before but I find myself needing to release. Just for tonight. Just this once where I'm sure no one will see this, or read this, or give a s**t. So here I am letting my shoulders relax and letting the flow come to me.
So life's a crazy hectic mess. It's a monster of my own making but what did I expect? Now most people would think I'm talking about drama with a loved one or with family and while there is plenty of that, this monster comes from my work.
My full time job that I've had for years has a part time option so this year, after 9 years of coasting, I decided to take it. And why shouldn't I? My main job takes me all over the place and quite frankly I wanted to be home more. There's family here, this place I moved to in the past year and God, but do I want to see them more. They're the only real family I connect to these days. My actual family doesn't want much to do with me. Which is fine, I can take it but ********, I uprooted my LIFE to move to a new city in a new state and dammit I want to SEE them.
But I'm finding that my decision to go part time is having unexpected consequences. The income that I was bringing in was slashed in half which I was of course expecting. Even taking on the second job to supplement my income was expected. But now I'm finding that my free time is even in shorter supply than when I just had the one job. And then this third opportunity comes along and when it's cash under the table how can I refuse?
So nowadays I'm making bank, which my savings account loves, but I have less free time to see the family I moved here to be a part of. And it sucks because with my first job I can't switch back to full time for a full year after my switch-over date. So I'm stuck.
I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining. Honestly I feel truly blessed that I have the physical ability to take care of myself but how far can I push working six to seven days a week? How long can I do this to myself before I crack and go all 'put the lotion in the basket'?
Anyway, it was nice to just get this off my chest and down on 'paper' because while the people around me nod and pout along with me when I talk about my woes, they just don't seem to understand.
It's nearly midnight and it's time for me to try and sink into dreams that won't haunt me tonight. But that's a journal entry for another time.
Goodnight world, peace be steel.
