It has been a very long time since I felt like writing my thoughts, I need to do it more, I feel the shadows of my mind creeping back to me. I know, I complain too much but at least I am alive, I will say that right away. I am thankful to be alive. I just am tired of being sick and tired. I will endure until my heart quits on me, I see no point in endless crying over the pain any more... when I die, I die.
Morbid... I know. I am just being realistic. I am going to accomplish all I can with my time I have. I will keep fighting to finish my novel... I have pretty much given up on becoming a mother... or on having friends. I have been a terrible friend, I have no patience for people these days. I have one friend who is dying, very very sick... well I can't even offer him a gentle word because I know he will more or less just spit in my face like he has others... and I know if he snaps at me, I will snap back.
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