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Dear Anthony,

It’s amazing how small a world it is. I just ran into the person that originally introduced me to your poetry. We haven’t seen nor spoken to each other in about a year. The meeting was almost surreal and extremely emotional. We both cried as I told her about how much your poetry has helped, how I probably would be in a different place without her, and how just today I’ve been able to speak to you. I showed her your message. She was forever grateful that you messaged me back.

I still remember the conversation clearly after our little greetings.

Me: “Hey, remember that poem you sent me long ago, Remembering Jessica by Anthony Anaxagorou? Over the past year his poetry has helped me get through tough times, and just yesterday I messaged him asking for advice. He actually answered me.”

Her: “That’s amazing that he took the time to message you.. I’m so happy. How is everything by the way? I’ve been worrying ever since it seemed like you disappeared from life. To tell you the truth I thought you were dead.”

Me: “A lot better honestly after talking with him. And really? I thought you had forgotten about me, like most people had.”

Her: “I would never forget about you. We should talk more often, I’ll make sure to email you. I’m sorry you thought I had forgotten you. I’ll give you my cell phone number. I know what it feels like to feel hopeless, but I cannot say that I know exactly how you have felt or how you feel.”

Me: “This is just truly amazing, this entire experience. I’m going to write him saying how after about a year I was finally able to speak to you, how you never forgot about me. How you introduced me to him, and without you, I probably would be somewhere worse. You’ve done a lot honestly, and I am forever grateful for that.”

Her: “I’m going to cry. I don’t know what to say, I’m honestly at a loss of words because I never realized that such simple gestures, and actions could possibly help someone so much. You are beyond welcome. Call me, text me, doesn’t matter the time, I’ll be there for you.”

Me: “Hah, now you have me crying just speaking to you again. Today has just been so magical. Last night I was near suicide again for my ex-boyfriend filed a restraining order against me.. He hated me, and I hated myself. I wrote to Anthony and received a message back. And I have been happy for the first time in a long time. I feel like I can finally be someone, start a new life now.. I know it may seem over-dramatic, but without you I probably wouldn’t be standing here today. So thank you so much. You’ve truly been a blessing.”

Her: “I’m glad you're feeling better, and I’m so glad you didn’t kill yourself. Its not worth ending your life. You're a beautiful person, and you’re so much better than you believe. You’re very welcome. Its not over-dramatic.”

Me: “Hah, I cant stop smiling.. Words cannot describe how I feel honestly.”

After that, we talked for what seemed like hours retelling our stories of life. It was truly amazing. You’re truly amazing, and once again I have to thank you for bringing me back.

Forever grateful,
Monique.

Anthony,

I’m surprised that you actually took the time to read, yet alone respond to my message. I can’t really describe what I’m feeling at this moment. I guess you could say that I’m overjoyed, so much so that to just read your message, to know that you actually cared enough to write me back, brought me to tears of happiness for the first time that seemed liked ages.

For once I actually feel like I have found someone that wants to try to understand, who wants to be there for me. For the first time I feel like I have a true, mutual friend in you. My most recent ex has made me to believe that “everything happens for a reason”. Perhaps I accidentally discovering your poetry, which then led to me writing to you, and you responding, happened for some bigger purpose in life. At least I would like to think so.

I admit I am young, naïve, ignorant, and have believed people when they have said they loved me. Yet always in the end, their actions and judgment show otherwise. The thing that bothers me though is that each of these deep relationships I seem to create always happen online. It’s almost like I’m incapable of meeting people in real life and connecting to those in my regional area. I meet all of these fantastic people, such as you, and yet I can never see them, touch them, hug them. The idea of me actually meeting someone like you in person in the future is unthinkable. I still dream many things however.

I would like to get to know you Anthony, as I would hope that you would like to get to know me. I appreciate you not only as a writer, but as a person. You seem to have a loving, compassionate heart, which I believe is hard to find these days. I just would like to be friends and understand you on a deeper level then perhaps your average fan. As I’ve said before, you don’t have to agree to anything, but it would be nice if you did.

You truly are a wonderful person Anthony. Thanks for making me see the light in the darkness once again,

Monique

Dear Monique

It would be a lie if I said that I can understand your suffering. What
you experience and what you are experiencing is something only you
will ever really know the true depth of. I, sitting away, writing this
can only offer words carefully selected to try and remedy or offer a
kind of balm to help soothe the anguish that so raucously consumes
you.

I too have sunk into infinite swamps of chilling lows marred with
burning waves of sadness. I too have felt the chained knuckles of love
punish me for something I desperately wanted to give life to, and
still as we speak I am hurting all over. I'm unable to calculate the
true size of love, it's capricious nature and tormenting saga, but
beneath the bits that get pulled apart we must find ways to mend, to
reinvent and to give the future of our hearts a chance to complete
their want. We must lift ourselves out of the gallows, the damp pity
that will do nothing for our coming endeavors and we must say that we
at least got to feel one half of the greatest phenomena known to
humankind - we got to love albeit in a jagged tragedy.

I read your email this morning and took it with me on my wanderings
around Vietnam. I meditated on the fact that you have attempted
suicide on numerous occasions. I understand it. The charm it has on a
life you firmly believe with all your existence doesn't qualify for
life, but emotions can come like torrents of ocean, with no control
and no perspective. They can sweep us away before we have a chance to
regret it. We have to be smart and see that thoughts are merely
amplified shuttles of feeling enhanced by mood, esteem and value. They
are not real so please don't ever believe them to be. With the playing
of music or the understanding of simple joke moods can change, to act
on them impulsively is like watching a horror film and believing the
blood and murder to be truth, we know they are actors, we know it's a
film that's been designed to have a certain effect, the same can be
said about brooding emotions - when the film is over the horror
subsides and you see it all for what it was.

As with regards to friends I would advise you to first and foremost
rekindle the relationship you had/have with yourself. The longest and
most demanding of all relationships is the one we have internally.
Find different ways to talk, to express, don't be afraid to
investigate the art of crying through art - there are a million ways
to grieve. There is also no such thing as a feckless human being. We
put our spirits into cages making it increasingly difficult to be
productive and quantify the human experience. Don't believe the story
that so many sacrifice their potential to, namley that they are beyond
any good use.

All in all my dear sister these words are just offerings of hope and
peace. I can only work with words as that is my only form of counsel
when I too walk to the edge of life's final precipice. Value the
person you are and the person you can become and you'll see that love,
contentment and rapture will all find you when you prepare yourself
for them. If my words help you overcome the heartache and turmoil then
listen and read them until their skin is worn down and you can see
their bright bones glaring at you once more. Please do not give up on
yourself. Give to the world and it will always keep you in its heart.
Be brave beautiful sister.

Your friend

Anthony

I wrote to my favorite poet, asking for help and advice.

Dear Anthony,

You’re probably never going to read this, but I shall write anyway. I’ve been going through tough times through the past two years. This is mainly due to my severe depression and anxiety, which I am currently prescribed four medicines to keep me sane. During this past year, it has honestly been what I could describe a living hell. A dear friend committed suicide, I’ve been heartbroken and betrayed twice with people that I’ve thought to be the one, and I was almost sent to the mental hospital again for attempting suicide the 9th time. Through everything that’s happened though, your poetry has always been there, to heal and help me. I’m not much of a writer. Not much of an anything really. I guess to you I’m merely a fan, but to me you’re so much more. You’re a friend Anthony, whenever I was in need, and you were always there for me.

To tell you the truth I’m not sure as to why I’m writing this anyway. I guess it’s because my now ex-boyfriend is about to file a restraining order against me, and hates me, even though I still love and care about him. It’s a long story that you would probably not bother with. But it seems that wherever I go, I attract, or cause trouble. I suppose the reason why I’m writing this to you is because I seek advice. My friends have left me because of my many issues, and I find myself extremely alone, especially due to my anxiety with meeting new people.

I’m not here to pity you with some sob story, yet it’s something that I feel like doing. I feel like telling you that I haven’t left my house in two weeks, haven’t eaten much during that time either. I’ve just been locked up, sobbing, telling myself I’m a failure. It’s a struggle just to type and send this to you. But I’m asking you for help. If you were in my position, what would you do? You don’t have to respond to me if you don’t want to, but it would be nice. I guess I just wanted to tell you that you don’t know how much your poetry means to me. Especially at times like these when I struggle most.

Thanks for everything,
-Monique.