I am so glad that I'm leaving to Cali and Georgia for one whole month. Because.. I don't have to worry about anyone while I'm there. I can enjoy myself for the first time ever.. with my family and finally meet my sister's boyfriend. Heh.. which I heard so much about. But anyways, you know what makes me really f***in' pissed off?? Do you?? Well it's when... lets say the guy you love.. just makes you mad because he cares about his best friend so much! His best friend's a female.. and you know what?? I didn't mind until.. that day.. that day... grrr.. I don't want to remember "that day" because just so you know that everything was my fault! scream I wanted to scream, yell and break things in the house.. everytime "he" mentions that girl.. I just feel so empty.. like a vase with no water in it.. like a dead rose.. like something that had died and rotted away! Do you know how that feels?? DO YOU?? scream
The only people who really makes me happy are my family and friends.. and my gaian friends.
*breathes loudly*
I just want to be happy with the love of my life.. but I guess.. someday.. I won't share it with him.. because he wants me to love his best friend too.. which I don't think will ever come. It's not like I'm scared or anything. It's something else... it's
"guilt"... or maybe "pride".. he just loves it when I'm wrong.. I just know it. I know that my lover works hard for himself.. maybe I'm just not his type.. of girlfriend. I mean he already is going for his masters and I'm... well.. I'm still in my freshmen year in college. Heh. sweatdrop Financially I'm broke. That sucks like s**t... like HELL! I want to scream! I WANT TO F***IN' SCREAM... but I can't because that cause my boyfriend to worry about me... pshhh! Even though he told me that he f***in' cares about me.. sometimes I-I don't know.. ya know? sad How sad that is, isn't it?? To think that the one you trully trully love and care about the most.. might love and care for someone else.. not you but that other person?? That just makes my heart ache and ache... it's like burning coal... or worse.. burning leaves until there's only ashes left.
Okay...
*venting here*
Just let it all out.. my mom always says..
I hope I'm fine throughout the night.. tonight. Hopefully I won't cry again.. like I did a few days ago...
The only people who really makes me happy are my family and friends.. and my gaian friends.
*breathes loudly*
I just want to be happy with the love of my life.. but I guess.. someday.. I won't share it with him.. because he wants me to love his best friend too.. which I don't think will ever come. It's not like I'm scared or anything. It's something else... it's
"guilt"... or maybe "pride".. he just loves it when I'm wrong.. I just know it. I know that my lover works hard for himself.. maybe I'm just not his type.. of girlfriend. I mean he already is going for his masters and I'm... well.. I'm still in my freshmen year in college. Heh. sweatdrop Financially I'm broke. That sucks like s**t... like HELL! I want to scream! I WANT TO F***IN' SCREAM... but I can't because that cause my boyfriend to worry about me... pshhh! Even though he told me that he f***in' cares about me.. sometimes I-I don't know.. ya know? sad How sad that is, isn't it?? To think that the one you trully trully love and care about the most.. might love and care for someone else.. not you but that other person?? That just makes my heart ache and ache... it's like burning coal... or worse.. burning leaves until there's only ashes left.
Okay...
*venting here*
Just let it all out.. my mom always says..
I hope I'm fine throughout the night.. tonight. Hopefully I won't cry again.. like I did a few days ago...
