1. Planes crash and clowns kill
2. Unicorns ride around on silver moonbeams and shoot rainbows out of their a**.
3. Always carry around paper clips
4. Humming Mettalica is a great way to calm down.
5. When someone says a place is haunted, dont go in!
6. Daytime TV is terrible.
7. The fabric softener teddy bear is EVIL!!
8. If you drive around in a minivan you should feel like a soccer mom.
9. Steam showers are AWESOME!!!
10. Like people that say "Okie-Dokie"
11. If you find an old lady in a hospital, call the Coast Guard.
12. Finding beetles in a hole in the ground is shocking.
13. The cure for a hangover is a greasy pork sandwich served up in a dirty ash tray
14. That Constance chick is a b***h!!!
15. If you decide to jump off a bridge be smart and grab the rail on the way down.
16. People don't go to psychics for the truth, they go for good news.
17. Being sacrificed is classier than being killed.
18. Kids are the BEST!!
19. The touchy-feely-self-help-yoga-crap doesn't help!
20. Stay away from women dressed in white that are standing at the side of the road all by themselves.
21. Cops are doing other people's jobs but they dont know it so they suck at it!
22. The original Godzilla movie is better than the remake.
23. Zeppelin rules.
24. Vampire is a funny word.
25. Myspace is a porn site.
26. Black Dogs could hump the crap out of your leg.
27. No apple pie is freakin' worth it!
28. Stay away from Pagen people that own a scarecrow.
29. The shape-shifter wasn't stupid...he picked the handsome one.
30. Don't hold a reaper hostage.
31. Don't try to control Davas.
32. It takes 2 to have hard-core sex.
33. Magic Finger beds are addicting so always carry lots of quarters.
34. Antique dolls are creepy.
35. Never sleep with your peepers open.
36. Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole.
37. If you decide to go into a creepy abandoned building, bring a rock salt gun.
38. Don't be a low-sodium freak, always keep salt in the house.
39. Chicks dig artists.
40. M n M's are provisions.
41. Stay inside the magic circle.
42. Being kissed by the ghost of a dead psycho patient will scar you for life.
43. If your car breaks down, don't go into the creepy apple orchard.
44. Locks can be a b***h!!!
45. Don't trust people that would rather travel with the creepy van-guy over Sam.
46. The job is not without perks.
47. Sam is a certified bikini inspector.
48. There's no such thing as man-droids.
49. No chick flick moments.
50. Love the Impala.
51. Black Sabbath, MoterHead, and Mettalica are the greatest hits of the mullet rock.
52. The shot heard around the world, bills becoming laws, that's not school, it's School House Rock.
53. If your planning to massacre a town, cut off all communication first.
54. If you put your feet on Missouri's coffee table she's gonna wack you with a spoon.
55. Don't set the Hook Man on yourself.
56. You can't rush perfection.
57. Make sure the preacher's wife doesn't own a black magic cross.
58. Trying to control a reaper is like putting a great white on a dog leash.
59. Slow-dancing aliens are creepy.
60. Sometimes there are aligators living in the sewer.
61. Meg sucks all hell. She's a b***h.
62. Stay away from people-hunters.
63. Poltergiest was a great movie.
64. You can tell if an EMF reader is homemade.
65. Spoons and loud music start prank wars.
66. Harry and Loyd know s**t about s**t. You can b***h-slap them both.
67. Cheapen the moment.
68. Dean is bossy and short.
69. Dean and Sam are NOT gay, despite what some people think.
70. Funkytown is not an obvious code word.
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