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Hello Amanda, I love you. You've been going thru a lot lately but remember that you'll always be your best and closest friend. We've got to let what's gone- go. So let's toss the photos, delete the emails and let the healing start happening. You've been grieving for a year and now it's all over for good. You can't take back dying. You can't undo it. We can cherish the memories had and let them teach you. You'll know him in the back of your mind, and we can grow from this. It's not a dead-end for you. You've got all the potential to make something wonderful. It won't end for you but it has for him.
You have the bright rays of sunshine. You hold the power and can stop the addiction. Your love was a first love and had been through treachery but if you had done the things you said you would early on then you would have never experienced so many other things in your young life. You wouldn't be graduating in less than 2 months. You are strong and satisfied with the opportunities presented. Life can be calm and "normal" if you just allow others to be themselves too. It's not about sex. It's about growing up, discovering people who can help you through it instead of coming home to empty promises.
Love it. Love the music. It's cheap, and better, therapy. More experiences, the same, but from different views, with different words, metaphors, & similes.

"It's a silly time to learn to swim when you start to drown."

Live it with sense but don't throw feelings of friends away. No matter what, they still care about you and deserve your affection too. Stop throwing those words around like they're going out of style, "I love you" is still a very special term to some. It's an unbreakable bond, it will torment them if you can't return the things attached. Loyalty, honesty, responsibilty, you have to keep this in mind. If you're waiting for them... but ******** around, then is it waiting?

...Keep up with the art. It won't ever be a masterpiece in the eyes of pro's but it's appreciated by those close to you. Call mom. She needs you now, you know?