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When I move in with my dad (I typed dead instead of dad without knowing O.O), I am so just gonna pretend like I didn't exist for about one years and see what happens.

When I come back I hope I will be able to freakin CONTROL this crap sweatdrop

Sorry today was just such freakin hell and still coming online just makes it worse, but I can't stop myself...I gotta start thinking of other things like.........???
I haven't a clue...

Something very overwhelming just happened today
(I found a gun in my house @_@;;)

...............................Son of a b***h!

I don't know what to do anymore.....people have it worse than me I know. Well maybe I am just weak or something confused

Edit: After this I just had a fight with myself in my head, I lost of course.

Remember that entry I made a long time ago? "Out of my Mind"
Well after I typed this, Kristen sent me a message on Myspace reminding me of what I said to her the other day. I said "Have you ever tried not being pretty?" and she was so cute when she couldn't reply x3
Anyways, after she had just reminded me of that I remember that journal entry and I had a fight with myself. I was telling myself that its kinda obvious that no one cares and that suicide is my choice. I attacked myself with "Thats bullshit, there is always someone who cares about you and will ALWAYS care about you, and that suicide is a selfish act that affects everyone and not just yourself."
Me: But I don't want to deal with the futures, my future is gunna suck no matter what happens.
The me I am fighting with: "So? No body's life is perfect, so why should yours be? What makes you so special?"
Me: I don't know, okay you know what, if you stop arguing with me then I won't kill myself okay?
other me: okay!