So Phil and I broke up.
But I'm sorta okay with it. because we're still friends, and our relationship wasn't going all that great anyway.
Plus, not going out with him meant that I could find a boyfriend who actually goes to school with me.
But in the past few days, I've realized...
That's not going to happen.
unless I move or something.
Because right now, there's only one guy I have eyes for.
But it's just a crush. or it SHOULD be just a crush. I mean, it's not like I'm madly in love with him or anything. I mean, of course not. I hardly know him.
So I started to really really like him, and imagine maybe us even going out.
And then my brother told me he had a girlfriend.
I can't deal with this anymore. This happens every single time. And the one time it DOESN'T happen, my relationship goes wrong.
So he's in this thing called Comedy Cage Match after school, and I went there to watch it and his girlfriend was there. And before he went on the stage, he gave his girlfriend a hug.
And I almost started crying.
No one except Joel ever gives me hugs.
I saw him hug another girl, too, during school.
And it sucks, because I thought we could be good friends. I'm like 7th on his myspace.
But now, I have to make him make me hate him. (If that sentence made any sense.)
Because the only way I'm going to feel better is if I realize he's a total jerk and not the guy I thought he was.
But it's not like I can go up to him and say "Hey, you, be an a** to me and make me hate you." Because I'll know he's doing it just 'cuz I told him to.
Anyway. After the CCM Mom picked me up and I tried to tell her what was wrong.
And she doesn't know how to be sympathetic.
At all.
Note to self -
Never try to talk about ANYTHING important with your mom.
But she did say something. She said "Well, you don't know if their relationship will last too long."
No.
I do know.
Because this is what happens.
EVERY
SINGLE
TIME
And it's annoying the hell out of me.
And I just want to give up. On everything.
I know, I've said that like a million times.
but the more this happens, the more I really want to.
And I know, that even if they DO break up
he probably doesn't even like me.
I'm ugly, I'm weird, I'm mean. Who in their right mind WOULD go out with me? (No offense to Phil.)
And the worst part is
I'm never going to change.
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