Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Anyways, I'm pissed off and I've been that way all day for ******** up reasons. My back is killing me because I banged it up against the frame of my bed, while kicking away at glass beads. They fell twice already and I ******** had enough, so I ramed them into the carpet, smashing the container along with them.

I said the lords name in vain about 20 billion times, said I ******** hate him and feel like he doesn't do s**t around here. I truely love the lord but why the hell does he have to let my mom think s**t about me that's not even true, let alone think she's getting rapped? God damn skitzo. I hope he ******** does something because other wise, I won't be happy for a long time. If he can die on a cross and heal those thousands of years ago, then what's so damn hard not letting her suffer and take it out on me?

I've already had a s**t load to carry and now that I'm graduating High School, it's gotta start up again with my mom getting worse. What's next? She'll probably pass on or be thrown in a real loony bin when I go to college, just so I ******** suffer as it ******** already is plus some. That's all I ******** live for, just some damn s**t in a cup for the rest of my ******** life.

Then when I graduate, he's just going to let me ******** fail in life so I can work at mcdonalds and not have one. Yeah, that's right, damn a** hat not letting me do what I want ever. That's why I'm sitting here and even when I do believe, there's nothing for me. Selfish you may think but far from it. I've already had a childhood ruined because of a mental mother and a pot head for a father and a brother who's autistic. Oh and a child abuser for an Aunt, plus her ******** up husband for a uncle.

I'm sick of sympathy because it's getting really ******** old. All I want, is to stop having a day full of tension and move on in life without all the hassle. Can a girl move on or is that too hard for Jesus to handle? Pssh. Sad, no?