wow it's been a while since i've made a journal...well, here we go!
the past few weeks have been extremely hard on me, dealing with the anniversary of my friend's deaths on Valentine's day...and then on V-day, the person i loved abandoned me...cest la vie...anyhow i slipped into my same bad habits from which i thought i had quit quite permanently (sp?) and now i've learned something about myself that freaked me out...i've been reflecting on my past lately..it hasn't been pretty fighting all my inner-demons...no fun at all, if any of you guys who read this can relate. mental breakdowns are quite un-fun. another person whom i love very dearly, more than anyone else in the world, scared me pretty badly the other day and i am still quite freaked out and extremely scared for him...i also fear...i may be converting to the christian religion..something i really don't want to fall into again...it's false hope, you know? anyways, i pray with all my heart that my love will be ok..i love you so much, you know who you are...you mean the world to me! i love you so much! heart heart heart heart but anyhow...nothing much else to talk about here..
~*~...i've never felt so alone in my life...never felt so confused in my life...never this miserable...never...all i want to do is love and to be loved, but no one wants a person Like Me...no one...betrayal follows me everywhere i go and it won't go away...all i do is love, and i get hated in return...why...why must life torment me such? please give me some release...~*~
 stryk_nine · Mon Feb 28, 2005 @ 03:53am · 2 Comments |
