Note: If you look at this and think "Holy s**t, I'm not reading all that" then skip down to the quote and start there.
New Years Eve is always a good time, and last night was no exception. The party was big and wild with the many dozens of partygoers filled with alcohol and adrenaline. It had everything--Dancing. Stripping. Vomiting. Cheering. Body shots. Heavy music. Running around in the blizzard outside. You couldn't ask for a more satisfying high school party.
Yet, for the first time in memory I just wasn't feeling it. How is that possible? I was in a house full of people I care about more than anything else in the world, free from any kind of rules or inhibitions, yet something was just off. I looked around the room as my shitfaced friends belted out the countdown. So many of them were attached to their girlfriends, one of which who used to be mine, complete in their quest for love.
Midnight came and the couples smothered each other in kisses, and us singles hugged and kissed drunkenly. I was surrounded. We were so packed together in that basement, covered in everyone else's sweat. But even so, I was miles away from any other soul. By 12:30 almost everybody was sprawled out on the floor. The designated drivers collected their dead and the party came to a close.
My friend dropped me off at my house, and I went through my routine in a trance. Stripping down to boxers and a t-shirt. Going into the bathroom, brushing some strange kid's teeth—I didn't recognize him in the mirror. Back into his room, I picked up his iPod and turned on soft melancholy beats. I dropped onto his bed. How was it that he was me? How could I let myself fall this far away from happiness? He laid under the covers and stared out into the dark, longing for something more until the soft warmth of sleep washed over.
I woke up around 2 today. Still in a funk. But I’m hopeful because I know something about love, something I let myself forget last night—something gay lovers can have that straight lovers could never dream of.
We humans are all searching for something to grab onto, something warm to save us from the inescapable cold abyss of existence. All we really need is an intimate love to take us through everything. Another soul to embrace. If you say this sounds sappy then you're probably not quite developed enough to know how alone you are, and how badly you want this too.
Lovesick teenagers can cure their longing by finding a boyfriend or girlfriend, and when they find the right person the two never seem to be able to peel their sweaty bodies off of the other. And it isn't hard to find love in high school if you're straight. But if you're gay, good luck.
Unfortunately most intelligent, desirable guys don't come out in high school. In most high schools, the only known gays are usually too flamboyant and feminine to be taken seriously or garner any respect from the majority of their peers, let alone be ready for a real relationship.
So we wait. All of us, for a day when we get our chance to experience love. And what love we will experience—
I skipped class recently to hang out with some friends who were taking a study hall in the library. Lying around on the floor, even guy-girl ratio. Playfully sharing headphones, talking about meaningless things, working on homework—we were very at-peace with life.
I was glancing at the rack of magazines over our heads when one called Psychology Today caught my eye. The words "Erotic Logic" overlapped a man and woman wearing underwear and blindfolds, sensually touching each other. I grabbed it and flipped to the story while my friends were busy trying to figure out how to get a pizza delivered to the library.
The article went very in-depth into how the heterosexual mind has evolved its mating intelligence. It talked about how men always think girls are into them when they're really not—men developed that trait because it opens up more sexual opportunities. It also talked about the female mind; that they naturally assume that all men are assholes—women developed that trait so they can avoid being ditched the second they get knocked up.
I remember appreciating the article early on because instead of saying men do this, women do this, it always started by saying heterosexual men and women, so I knew that they weren't ignoring the homosexual side of mating intelligence.
Sure enough, about 7 pages into the piece there was a sidebar titled "Queer IQ: The Gay Couple's Advantage" I'm going to reprint word-for-word what it said because it is important for every gay man and woman to know this—it would be a crime not to share such an amazingly meaningful truth.
Quote:
There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men. But when men want men and women want women, each couple can circumvent treacherous romantic terrain because partners more closely share sexual appetites and mind-reading abilities than do heterosexual pairs. Most Lesbians don't fear rapacious women and gay men need not always soft-peddle their sexual predilections. On balance, gays and lesbians understand their partners' bodies and biases with a certainty that many clueless heterosexuals yearn for. "Homosexuality could be viewed in some respects as the triumph of the individual's mating intelligence over the gonads' evolutionary interests," argues Geoffrey Miller.
Wow. There you go. I had to come back to that paragraph a few times before I could really internalize it all, I even ended up stealing the magazine. But reading that was so important for me because I am a very spiritually connected guy, with nature and the natural world. Being gay was a struggle in that sense, because it means that I wont reproduce (in the conventional way). So, I would think, evolutionarily-speaking, a living being's only purpose is to reproduce before it dies, so that its kind can live on—survival. So...what is my reason for living?
But what this says is that homosexuality is as far from being a birth defect as can be—it's the mind's evolution, its progress. The mind's triumph over reproductionary distractions, which are irrelevant to spiritual completion.
The fact that our minds have developed with this difference is amazing. It makes you wonder if it's a convenient mistake made during our development in the uterus, or an intentional growth in the evolution of the human species.
There is a reason that guys feel most comfortable hanging around other guys, and girls feel most comfortable hanging around other girls. It's because that's who they should be with. I mean, if we are closer with males than females, isn't it unnatural for men to be romantically interested in females?
Since some homosexuals are more comfortable having members of the opposite sex as friends, I wonder if this is because they are transsexuals in confusion (and if this sounds like you, there is nothing wrong with that).
Think about it, being gay is the greatest thing that could have ever happened to you. If you have ever wished you weren't gay, it's only because the majority of the population isn't, so they make you feel like an outcast.
But you are better-off than they are, in the sense that you can achieve a sexual and spiritual fulfillment of love at a level that they will never achieve. You have the ability to love a mind more similar to yours; therefore you will be forever closer.
Anyway, write this down, print it out. Do whatever you need to do to never forget this truth. Spread the idea to any gay friends you may have, because it would be selfish not to. But I don't know how necessary it would be to tell straight friends...it would sound like you were bragging.
Then again, they brag about their love fulfillment when they make out in front of you at New Years, so, haha. Screw ethics, just tell 'em, they should be able to handle it.
I hope living with yourself is easier now, because it should never be hard to live with yourself. You are you, so be everything you want to be.
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I got that off a site I thought it was awesome.
