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I dont know what it is about today... but suddenly i feel really depressed.... maybe it is the arguement/ fight I had to hear when I practically woke up this morning... *sigh* I mean i should be happy I have company.... a friend is staying over but I just cant seem to be happy.. I mean I was super charged with energy and hyper today... but then in the end when i sit downor tend to calm I just feel like crying... I want to be held and comforted but that wont happen... I cant be comforted... it wont go away... I feel like my chest is slowly ripping apart... I dont get it.. I wanna cry but i cant... I wanna just curl up and vanish.... maybe I am lonely... Real life lonely but I have friends and family around.. well one friend... and not Ber.. Josh has moved, Ber is still in gresham... and D and Shley are in Wheeler... I mean Jenny is here... but it isnt the same.. she prefers her laptop over me thats the only reason she is here is because she wants her laptop fixed by my dad... >.>; why is it I feel low.. and not wanted... I mean I should be happy... maybe it is because I am realizing I am going no where... what the reason is ... I dont knwo... I just know I feel really crappy... my chest hurts and i wanna cry... but it isnt a physical hurt.... it is more like... a broken hurt as in i feel broken inside... if that makes sense.... I feel hallow... empty... and Josh said he was gonna call but he never did... and Ber said she was gonna call and never did... I havent talked to D or shley in over 2 months..... I feel sad..... I feel un important... I mean my family loves me i should be happy... but I'm not.... I fill.... INCPOMPLETE.... God the hurt grows more the more I type right now... My mom says if this keeps up she is taking me to my doctor and getting me on anti depressants... but I dont want to be this way honestly i am trying everything in my power to be happy... I am healthy ^_^ I am not a cripple **sorry if that seems to insult anyone I appologize** I am capable and I should be working more hours... but I am not... they only have me work 1 day a week for 3 hours...

I am gonna stop here because I am just feeling worse typing this... i was hopeing it would make me feel better but it is actually makeing me feel worse crying