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quote jeff foxworthy on the show blue collar comedy
"you know what i hate? its when somone loses somthing and when you ask um where they found it they ALWAYS say "well it was in the last place i looked" well i sure as hell hope it was the last place you looked, i mean, realy." hey bill you find your wallet?" "yep, but im still looking for it. just in case where in one of those ulternate realitys like in twilight zone."
"you know your a redneck if: you mow your lawn, and find a car. if you child's first words were: "attention KMart shopers...." if you use the "O" on the STOP sign outside your house as a target for your knew rifle" "if you have every shot somone for looking at you" " if you ever shot somthing from inside your barthroom" " if you ever gave a gallon of pepto bysmol to your dad for his birth day" " if when you empty the empty bear cans from your car you find you get 5 more miles to the gallon" " if your mama has ever stomped into the house and yelled " THE FUED IS BACK ON!!!" " If your ma has torn her best dress going coon huntin" " if bikers back down from your mama""

" do you remember when there were all those floods recently? well im watchin it on the CNN news with my wife and i turn to her and say " i bet you anything there gunna look for the dumbest guy in that hold redneck state and show him waling down mainstreat in the flood" and they did, and it was HER COUSIN!! there he is walking down the streat chest deap in water with an umbrella in his hand and i just looks at her and says " isnt that your cousin billy?" and she just puts her head in her hands and nods. and what scares me is this: IV GOT TWO KIDS WITH THIS WOMAN!

quote larry the cable guy
"guns dont kill people, husbands who come home early do"
" have you ever farted so hard your back cracked?"
" I believe that, Britney Spears should be one of the new flavors at friendslys!
GET ER DONE!!!