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You know what? I've had it with these mutha' ******** lemons on mutha' ******** Quizilla! And with Quizilla in general. I seriously want it to contract a computer form of syphilis and die.

But back to the lemons; I swear, I more or less read the same plot in every story I read. I know for a fact more then 80 percent of the (little) girls writing lemons haven't even had sex, but please come one! If your going to write a lemon, at least have an imagination. No, I'm fed up with the cliche M.U.C.B.S. What's M.U.C.B.S. you ask? Why, it's what always seems to happen in lemons! What does it stand for, you ask?

Well that’s simple:

M- It stands for 'Making-out', which, in reality, usually is the fist step to sex. But it doesn't last only two sentences! And not many people go straight for the other’s neck or earlobe, either. Okay, maybe they do, but it’s weird. Quote my friend; "It was like he was trying to bite my ear off. I think he might have been hungry."

U- U is for 'Undressing each other'... Who the ******** does that? Okay, unless you want to be romantic, or you have a weird fetish, you shouldn't really take time removing each article of clothing slowly from your lover. This action is always followed by ‘running a hand down his sculpted chest’ or ‘gently suck at her breast and nipples’. ...I’m not even going to go into that.

The last three are not only poorly written, but also always cliched.

C- C stands for 'Cunnilingus'; the fancy word for 'eating a girl out'. Let me just give you a bit of knowledge; girls don’t always ‘come’ and ‘gush their juices’ into their partners mouth. That’s a common misunderstanding. Female ejaculation is usually caused by stimulating the G spot to such a high level, that fluid is ejected when an orgasm is reached. NOT when you do cunnilingus (although if you have a long tongue...)

B- ‘b*****b’. Short, simple and to the point. Right? WRONG! The size of the guys p***s is usually unreasonably large, it keeps getting bigger even after its reached normal limits, the girl can expertly deep-throat it, and it gets hard seconds after it ejaculates! Well, ladies, unless you’re watching a good porn and the guy’s hyped up on Viagra, it ain’t gonna happen like that.

S- ‘Sex’. I could rant on and on about this one, but I’ll keep it simple. Missionary isn’t the only position, not all girls have/experience pain when their hymen is broken, and MOST people use a CONDOM. Out of all the stories I’ve read not one, ONE, had any of the characters even mention a condom and none of the female characters have gotten pregnant. Unless, you know, the author wants some horrible ‘OMG, I’m only 14 and my bishi boyfriend gots me preggers. Lol, oh noes!’ plot or whatever. But back to the condom thing; most teenagers (that I know personally) use condoms. And If they don’t they get the morning after pill.

Oh, and FYI, not all girls reach an orgasm when they have sex. They’re more likely to have one masturbating, actually. And if you want to write a good lemon, watch a porn first! That's what I do; whenever I get the feeling of wanting to write a dirty, nasty, lemon involving a character of my liking I go and watch a porn for insperation. Believe me, the viruses on your computer are worth it.

Okay, you’re probably all thinking 'Well why doesn’t she read some good old lemons on Fanfiction?’ Oh that’s simple; BECAUSE THERE IS NONE! I don’t wanna read yaoi, I don’t wanna read yuri, and I don’t want to read two of my favorite characters suddenly fall in love and screw each other’s brains out. I wanna read OC stories! Is that so wrong?

Obviously it is, seeing as I can’t find any good CharacterxOC stories in the M rating. And AdultFanfiction is crap too. All the stories are either SasukexNaruto, KakashixEveryone in the anime, and SakuraxEvery male in the anime. I’m fine with yaoi, I’m fine with yuri, and I’m fine with canon pairings. But, ugh, I hate reading it. Looking at pictures of it is another story, but reading it is on my shitty list. It makes me want to club baby seals in the face with rage. -clubs a small seal and goes off to read more crappy lemons because I am a pervert-