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2004-09-10

*takes a deep breath*

It's gonna be a little thing. I only thought that list (see last entry) was going to be for when I get laid off, but no, it's going to be for when I quit. And when I quit it's gonna be over some itty bitty little thing.

So I've mentioned that we are cutting slack for a couple of ladies at our work who show up or not as they feel like, and who work or not as they feel like. Why we are doing this? Because they are black and from the neighborhood. Okay, it's gonna sound like I'm racist to say that, but hear me out. In my opinion the fact that they don't show up and do their job is the reason they should be let go, but they aren't let go because they are black. This isn't my opinion or the way I see it, this is a fact. This is what I was told.

I was also let know in no uncertain terms that if either of these ladies were let go, they would not hire a friend of mine who would be highly qualified for the work because she isn't black or hispanic.

As far as I'm concerned this is racism. I know I've mentioned it before, but it really irks me and I still haven't quite gotten over it. That wasn't the first or last "little thing".

Our site director was taken away. They put him somewhere else. He called to let us know this LAST Wednesday and said that it was all unofficial and we didn't hear it from him, but the new (frickin' frackin' racist) guy was going to be our site director. But we "didn't know" yet. We waited to hear the official word. And waited. And are still waiting.

We knew nothing by the end of the week. Tuesday I had a meeting with the guy, whom shall from here out be referred to as "The Alleged Sixth" (as he will be the sixth site director I've seen if he ever admits it). So I have a meeting with Six and someone in the meeting says that Donald is no longer our site director. I'm thinking, aha! I can ask who is, so I do. And I get some vague, we will find out at the luncheon tomorrow because we don't really know yet. I was LIED to!

Let me stop real quick to tell you something: You only have to lie to me (or intentionally decieve me) once for me to NEVER trust you again. Plain and simple. Do not pass Go, do not collect one hundred dollars. There is no turning back from that, not with me.

What reason to be deceptive? I can only think that he's wanting to watch us a little more to see what we do without anyone there to tell us what to do. That's just business as usual for us. Donald knew we would do what needed to be done and left us to it. He had faith in us and we didn't let him down. We did our jobs. All of us.

Lately he's been asking me what An, our teenage part-timer does. So in a roundabout way, he's trying to get me to play informant. Like hell I will. An is a good kid. He comes from the same neighborhood as all the others, but he volunteered to teach the Basic Computer Literacy class when he was 16, he graduated high school when he was supposed to, he made Eagle Scout, and he's going to college now, while working and helping his mother with the bills. No, I'm not gonna say ANYTHING negative about him. No amount of coercion is going to make me. So when I was asked about him, I said that An works from 5-9, but he gets there a lot of the time at 2 so he can work on Photoshop or do his homework on his own personal computer. When the kids come in or there are more people there than I can help by myself, An ALWAYS gets up and helps me. He doesn't have to. He's not "on the clock" then. But he does.

What makes me so upset is that apparently me saying that was disregarded, because Six told Donald that An was inefficient. How can he say the kid is inefficient when he leaves at around 5 when An is just officially on the clock at that time? I've heard that he's said other things about how inefficiently we work, but I don't know how he knows it since he is in a little office that is separated from us by a class and a breakroom and most of the time we don't see him come or go.

I've done everything that guy has said. I come in two extra hours a week that I'm not paid. I have taken over the computer-based training for the Employment Circle. I've made every administrative form that could possibly be needed to track my part of it and I've done the paperwork. All of this in addition to the job I ALREADY HAD before he showed up.

The guy has two sons that he brings with him in the afternoon. Now they go in there and want to play with the other kids, but Six came in today and saw that they were playing Age of Mythology and said that he doesn't allow them to play anything Teen rated.

I'm already seein' where this is goin', don't you?

If I have to regulate on his kids which games they play, but not the others, there is an inequality there. He will seek to balance it if he ever admits to being site director. If we take away these kids games, they will have nothing but educational games left to play. We already have to trick them into their educational time by saying do one hour of that and you get an hour to play a game you choose. If he makes us enforce a rule that they can't play certain games, they will rebel. There is not a doubt in my mind that we will lose most of the kids that come to the center, but before they go they will take out their anger somewhere else. I've taken enough of it from enforcing other people's ridiculous rules. It will be his lily white a** this time and not mine. I will be long gone before it comes to that. Although it would be funny to see someone else get it for a change... but who am I kidding? He will probably be the type to make the rules and then hide in his office while we enforce them. Not gonna happen.

I'm not gonna sit here and say that these kids NEED to be playing games like Age of Mythology and Shogo. I believe that if they know the difference between right and wrong and are given enough support and faith to make the right decision, they will. There's a difference between parenting and just plopping a kid in front of some game that you don't know what it's about just so they'll be out of your hair. The kids at my work know the difference between play fighting and real fighting. They've seen both. They know Angela doesn't allow real fighting in the center. They know why. They also know not to curse or score on each other. This may happen occasionally but one of us is always right there to correct them on it and have them apologize.

I believe if you tell a kid no without a why, you're not doing anything except stopping that singular incident. If you tell them why, you are possibly preventing whatever it was from happening when you aren't there to watch them. These kids have a conscience, they just need to know to listen to it. Even good parents can't watch their kids all the time, and a good number of the kids that come into my work don't have "good parents". They have parents that send a five year old out of the apartment and onto the street after dark with their three year old brother in tow because they're being punished. For what, I can only guess, probably for being kids.

I told Six that we needed to keep the door to the classroom locked. I told him that no one is over there to supervise that room when there isn't a class in session. He didn't listen. He kept it wide open and left it that way when he left his office. He asked us where his stereo was the other day. *shrug* "Must've been stolen," I say with the same compassion I was given long ago when $150 worth of games I brought to share with the kids were stolen, and the same compassion I was given when my tire was slashed four separate times, my car broken into, my door kicked in, fireworks lit and tossed into my window, and when my windshield wiper was ripped off. *shrug* "Must've been stolen. It happens."

I swear that guy lives in Candyland. I have news for him though, we work in the Projects and this is Reality Central.

It's gonna be a little thing.

Donald told me before that he would pay for the subscription if I went on one of those matchmaking sites and give me an extra week of vacation if I went on an actual date. So much for that! And just when I accidentally put myself in the eHarmony database too.

You're probably wondering how that was an accident. Well, I was wanting to see how their service was so scientific, so I filled out the massively long questionnaire so I could read what their computer would say about my personality. So then I click "Find My Match" and it says that I've been entered into the database. I about freaked out. I was just wanting to see who they would match me with, not actually get matched!

I didn't figure out until I had around 8 matches how to turn off the matchmaking, and by then it's a little too late. So I figure I can at least read these guys' profiles and see how this thing worked. I'm absolutely not getting their "scientific" method. Some of the guys were in their 20's and some were in their 40's. The few that were anywhere around my age were into such opposite things that I enjoy. So I closed out all of those matches.

I made poor Kat sign up for it last weekend too. I was curious to see if the both of us with such different personalities and likes and dislikes and priorities would get the same match. So now we're comparing matches.

I felt a little guilty closing out the matches at first, 'cause it's so much like rejection but it's better to do that than to just leave them there wondering why you haven't contacted them. You have to pay to talk to them and I'm definitely not ready for any of that!

If you're someone at eHarmony that has been rejected, it's nothing personal!

I think I'll keep track here of how many I've closed out. I'm just curious as to why I keep getting matched with people that have interests so absolutely different from mine. It doesn't seem in any way accurate at all. So far I've closed 17 matches and I've had 1 closed on me (How dare he!? Hahaha!)

Dang, but I'm tired after this week. Good night.

I love the shiny rock one of the kids brought me the other day.

Dancin': 32.56 | Dog walkin': 117.5 | Total: 150.06 miles

XOXOX
Loch

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