Why?? WHY!?! Why the hell is it that when you are trying to avoid something, regardless how much it may actually have affected you before, that is the time when it comes flooding at you?? I DON"T WANT A GODDAMNED RELATIONSHIP! Everybody who may have been trying to get into one with me, just get it through your head! I love all of my friends, AS FRIENDS. I want everyone of you to know that I am your friend and that that means that if you ever need me for anything I will do my hardest to be there for you. I will drop whatever I may be doing, and I will help you in any way I can. HOWEVER! This does not in anyway mean I want to go out with you.
I mean, Is it my fault? Did I miss some major meeting that discussed the rules of friendship between a girl and a guy? Because I go places with them, joke with them, and treat them like a real person does that automatically mean that I am in somehow sexually attracted to them? I don't understand! I talk to a guy for an hour and suddenly he asks me out! NO! BAD! Even worse are the guys I have known practically my whole life!
I have a friend that I have known since elementary school. When we were little we lived just one house away from each other and we would hang out everyday riding bikes or fighting pretend bad guys and all that sort of stuff. I was a major tomboy back then. In fact, tomboy doesn't quite nail it down. Around my friend I was just one of the guys. It was like my gender wasn't ever brought into question. I never thought of him as guy and so I assumed he never thought of me as a girl. We were just friends. Well, I haven't seen him save for maybe once in two...maybe three years. In my head, we ar still the same as we were back then, but apparently not so in his mind.
See, I was too much of a tomboy to notice, but apparently he has had a crush on me since we were little. In fact, he asked me out yesterday. I can't go out with him. He is my friend and thats all I can ever think of him as. I am so used to just being one of the guys around him. Also, he has been my friend forever! Say we did go out, and then we broke up, what would happen then? Maybe I would hate him just as much as I hate Ron now. I would've done anything for Ron at one point. Now, I hate him more than I hate anyone else. I'd rather rip my own arm off than help him. I don't want that to happen to mine and my friend's friendship. It hurts me so bad, because now I have to deal with him with a sort of distance and it makes me feel like I'm completely alienating my friend.
*insert harsh sigh here* Turns out interesting guy's friend IS gay. This is why I've been forcing myself away from wanting relationsips. 3 Gay guys in a row.
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If I need to talk but have no one to talk to or I feel I need to write through my problems, it goes here. I do not use names. If I do, it's because I either have no respect for the person, or I accidentally slipped.
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