I had a terrible night last night. I was up until 2:30am crying my pathetic little eyes out. I was SO tired but I couldn't fall asleep because there were so many things I was thinking of and so many things making me depressed and when I cry my nose gets really stuffy so I couldn't breathe either. (And my sobbing was so loud I was afraid I was going to wake-up my mom) emo
So anyways, why was I crying?
1. I feel like the loneliest person on Earth. Of course, I'm probably not, I mean, I haven't met everyone on Earth. But it just seems like there's no one out there for me. I just want somebody to hold me when I cry or to hold me at all and who wants to spend time with me and make me happy and cares about me that I can also care about and make them happy too. But every time I've tried to find someone like that, it ends up biting me in the a** (is that how the expression goes?) But of course, why should I get someone that special? I've done a lot of terrible things, some I don't regret doing and that I don't think were really that bad. I'm a terrible person, and people like me don't get a special someone. They just get a lot of pain and heartbreak (omg, emo Becca again!)
2. I want to stay friends with Joel, SO badly I would do ANYTHING. But part of me knows that we'll never be able to stay friends, not anymore. It seems like ever since he found out how I feel about him, he realizes more of my faults and I start to make him angry more. And it makes me sad because he's the only person I have to talk to, he's my only friend. He's my Onii-chan... And he's the only person who cared about me.
3. I feel like my life has gotten so bad, there's no turning it around. Things AREN'T going to get better, they CAN'T get better after getting this bad. There's nothing in the world that can make me truly happy.
I don't wanna be an emo, I just want to be happy...
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