|
the web i weave
you knwo i had to make a very tough decision. i realized i wasnt 100% over my Ex jessica. Amd moved on to get with amy. who i really cared for I did. I said i was leaving her for my ex. but didnt say which ex. it was capnMocha but i realiize im really unsure of myself. so imnot taking on any one . not till i knwo what lies instore. come sept jessica will be back in fornt of a pc. and i'll knwo what happened. but right now im in such a tangled web. I have mocha who is on love with em and only me amy who i smply adore and it kills me that I've hurt her so.i jsut dont wnat to hurt any of these gitrls maybe i dont deserve to love. im thinking so. i look at all thats happening and if i had tochoose just one . i dotn think i couuld i love stuff from each of them. im wondering if in someways im just latching onto a pst i once had.
jessica deleted her myspace and never returned my calls or anything. mocha had the chance to fight for me once. she backed down and left me. mocha comes back and it kinda rocked the ship thats is my life. because i really cared for her alot.
But then we have a whole new chapter in my life Amy who i cared for greatly she made me very happy. then why did i leave her? why did I hurt her so? becaus ei felt like i was cheating when i had dreams where jessica would coem and call me . i felt horrible. and unclean and un worthy of a girl as nice as she is.
I really hate myself right now. please If your reading this please forgive me. both of you. I really dont knwo what to do. im at alloss. im sitting here crying as I write this im sorry im such a horrible excuse of a man.
Andy Pinkard
|
Community Member
We all have people we are still tied to. People we still, somewhere in our hearts, still wait for. Some of us will keep waiting for years...but it isnt healthy. What you did, trying to move on and pick up the pieces, WAS healthy. You were trying to heal yourself.
When someone goes MIA, it's all we can do not to go insane. We make excuses for them, then we try to ratioanlize it and we blame ourselves too. And you don't want to move on, because some part of you hopes that they will contact you again and it will all be ok. That they will have some amazing, incredible excuse for being gone so long. But are we better or worse for taking them back?
In short, I think you did what you could. I dont even know Choc Mocha, but I do know what a lovely person Amy is, and you seemed to get along rather well. By playing the field, as it were, you did f#ck things up, but...I think if you managed to drop everyone but her, then you may have another chance. Then again, you both could just be better as friends...I honestly don't know. I dont know your dymanic outside of Gaia...
Either way, I'm here for you, hun and you're human like everyone else.
Be well.