and it depends on where my thoughts are. Sure I can find a million reasons to be happy and blissful.. and sure every reason is supposed to lead me to achieving my dream... but what if my dream is already unable to happen? There is more proof pointing towards that being the end result.. of all the hard work I've put in all of my life. A dream that will never come to fruition. Every day points to that.. This night for example really ******** points to that. Hell, maybe it wasn't even hard work.. maybe it's been selfishness this whole time. Who knows... Maybe these weren't even my dreams to begin with.
Money, a good foundation, a family..? No yelling... or abuse.
These dreams came from the fact that I lacked in the moments I needed them more than any others.. So I fought every day to achieve them... only to let one mistake, not even my own too... ruin it.. and now it repeats. But did I want this?
Do I want this s**t?
I kinda want to say F*** it. Who would I be if I embraced what I kept locked up inside?
If I created a new world?
I'm so sick of going numb and pretending we are fine....
Fu*** cycles on repeat, I must have really f***d up in a past life.. or someone has a twisted sense of humor and is waiting to see what happens with me.
I'm sour because my emotions make me feel a little wild.
View User's Journal
Mind blabber.
 |
