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I wish to explain a few things.

1) I often get depressed when I think of the future/ future events. ( Things that will come to pass in my life-time. )

2) I fight the feelings of "Self Loathing" about a dozen times a day normally, a bad day means that sleep is the only peace Ill get from those feelings. ******A-2, B-2, C-2, D-2

*A-2) Feelings of "Self Loathing" has a few meanings to me, "Failure" , "Weakling" , "Unworthiness To Have Been Born ( My Sister should have been born instead. ) " , "Worthless Affection ( Im unworthy of Love given ) " ect....

*B-2) I rarely have a day where Im 100% Happy ( Infact its been years. )
I usually average a depressed or moody day 2 or 3 days a week on a "Good Week."

*C-2) But, a Depressed or Moody day can vary from just a BLAH ( Blue Day ) to full on Depression ( Scuicidal Thoughs/ Crying Spells/ Irritablness/ Self Isolation/ Light Self Injury )

*D-2) Quick Note-
Light Self Injury ( Can be but not limited too... )

- Blistering Skin by continued scratching
- Removal of toe nails
- Over Eating till sick

3) I often get depressed or moody when something "Triggers" them.
( Can be but not limited too... )

- Music/ Certaing Songs
- Thinking About Future To Much
- Memories/ ***Any Of Them
- Anxiety/ Worrying
- A Task I Know I Cannot Complete/ Accomplish

4) Sleep is often the only peace I get from all of this. That also meanes if ( Dont Sleep or Get Very Little Sleep ) Im often going to be either depressed likely or have a EXTREMELY BAD DAY. *******A-4, B-4, C-4

A-4) I CAN force myself to stay awake but..."It costs me" Im not very happy or coordinated till I make the sleep up.

B-4) I have a record for "Amount Of Time Ive Stayed Awake" it was a rough week...

C-4) On the flip side of this...I can make myself sleep too. Its just as bad as no sleep at all I RARELY do this.

5) Lastly, I can block out some pain to an extent. Its hard to explain as its like I force myself to focus on something so intensely I can forget Im in pain for short periods of time. ********5-A, 5-B

5-A) I sometimes self isolate as I feel better able to control just the world immediately near me. If Im near people I love or care about in a depressed or moody state I often immediately try to self isolate to attemp to keep from feeling Im going to hurt them somehow.

5-B) I sometimes as well just dont like being in a group or amount of people, so I tend to stay to myself most often.