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"In the carefree days of my youth, I had two little sock puppets, made from used, torn, dirty socks, that I would speak to and keep as friends. They told me to have fun, relish the days of my innocent youth, and to sacrifice the President of the United States to their sock puppet God. Oh, the adventures we shared. Oh, the people we killed. But one day, my father, in a fit of rage, took the socks burned them behind the shed in a raging, flame of hatred and jealousy, that burned like the very pits of Hell themselves. And to this very day I can still hear their screams, their tiny, high-pitched screams."

"I failed a personality test once."

"a. I think about this more than the average person ought. Say, people who know more than one language. Which one do they think in? Do we think in english, or juts some language only our brains and ours alone can understand. This is bothering me more than it should, I know...
b.I think my brain speaks fluent stupid."

"A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."

"I crucified Polly Pocket with staples, paper and black markers in Bio once. I carried her around the school, chanting like a monk, and we ("my crew" wink used her for an airplane during History.

The best part of it was the fact that we were in a Christian school at the time...

Ah.... the joy of being an outcast."

"Is it just me, or is there a guy in each neigbourhood that just some how looks like santa, and when you were a kid you always thought he was?"

"a.ok, im sure most of u have heard about the show dragon ball z. it is a great series, but what i have just recently found out is that this show is based off true ideas. most of u think this is bullshit but its not. my sensei in my martial arts class displayed an awsome show of power today. he showed me how to do a kamehameha. it wasnt a big blast, but he shot a little energy, or chi out of his hands. i was truly amazed. if u want to learn more about the secrets of dragon ball z, like how to fly, please send me a check for 5 dollars and i will send u the "dragon ball z manual" book for free.
b.If you send in five dollars, how is it free?

"When I die I want to be cremated and placed in a gnome-shaped bottle along with me sister and sent to the moon. We agreed on this."

"When I'm old and have nothing better to do. I am so buying a bus and I'll drive around town picking up people and dropping them off in random places."

"I walk into my mothers room, and lay next to her. As she reads her book, she looks over at me and back to her book, knowing somthing is wrong by my facial expression. The clock strikes twelve. It's April first. I look over to my mother and says, "Mother...We need to talk."
Space She looks never takes her eyes away from the book. She says, "What do we need to talk about?" Her eyes still reading from top to bottom. (This is all in chinese, sorry.)
Space "Well...I got a girl pregnate..."
Space My mother slowly closes the book. She puts the book on the stand next to her bed. She stands up calmly, and walks to the kitchen to get a cup of hot coffee. I moved not from my position. As she comes back up the stairs with her steaming coffee, she sets the cup next to her book, looks slowly at me, and says, "When did this happen?"
Space "Well...Two months ago. She took the test five times, and all came out positive."
Space "Tell me her name..." She was about to explode. I knew this from looking in her eyes.
Space "Her name is...April."
Space "April? Who the hell is April? April who?" Her eyes were furious in flames.
Space "April...April FOOLS!" I ran out of the room and started laughing so hard! The next few days, she would speak to me not. She wasn't mad because it was a bad prank...But a good one! She was angry, not that it was an evil "

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