I feel bad because I didn't feel super "thankful" this year. Instead, my thoughts were pretty wrought with stress and despair. Overall, I'm frustrated with how my life is, how I feel like i'm just scraping by with money and that I need to do some major changes for an overhaul of my life.
My mental state has been lowkey hanging by a thread lately, so much that one of my only two goals for next year is to start seeing a therapist.
Alas, Thanksgiving was okay this year.
Wednesday Night
The night before I went to Secrets with Johnny and saw nude dancers. I was a little nervous/apprehensive about going to the club with him, but it ended up being super chill. The nerves didn't turn into anxiety because I was more concerned with not feeling like going and dipping out after the first hour if he started getting on my nerves.
It wasn't super eventful. I invited him to stop by my place for dranks beforehand and he declined. He got there right on time, at 11:30, I pulled up 12-13 minutes later. While in the club I got some boy's number and Johnny called me out about it...but I told him I knew that kid already (I didn't, I'm trash) rofl Umm...yeah, I don't really know. Nor do I know how I spent all the $60 I took out for the occasion, but whatevs.
I remember us doing some heavy kissing in the club. Afterward, he followed me to my house where we chilled and he spent the night. The next morning, he was getting ready to leave but I asked him to stay a while longer. Then he got breakfast, we ate and he left shortly after that. I chilled for a bit before I got up to go to my sister's for Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving wasn't eventful either. I was there, mom, my sister, Donald and his family and Sophia. I was chillin and minding my business. My mental state found it hard to deal with all the activity...especially with my niece screaming and running around and...I was just tired. Plus, my mother irks me. I'd love to one day get passed that feeling so that I can more openly and actively love and appreciate her, but maybe after some therapy...on both sides.
Tonight is Natalie's birthday dinner and Neville's housewarming. Neither of which I feel like attending even though I feel like I should at least do one. But it's kinda late and I'm kinda comfortable. Tomorrow I'll probably hang with Eion and Sunday I will be at Marlon's. I'll see mom again sometime this weekend.
Um...that's it. I honestly need to clean and go gym and get to work. Seriously. We'll see.
Love heart
Ryo
Mood: Bleh :/ Music: "Caution" - Mariah Carey from Caution
Ryonosuke · Sat Nov 24, 2018 @ 02:27am · 0 Comments |